How Much do Facial Expressions Say?

Continuing with body language, there are also facial expressions. They can be considered part of body language but there’s an emphasis on them as they are usually a main focus when we interact with others or observe them. Thus, we can more readily notice and recognize the expressions and have at least a vague idea about what they signify.

Often, however, they are attributed moods and qualities that are not necessarily present, since facial expressions, and the magnitude of them, can wildly vary from one person to another. One person’s extremely happy face could be another’s barely pleased one. One person’s deep concentration face could be another’s quite displeased one. And so on. So it is important to take into account how a person, in particular, tends to express their thoughts and feelings through their facial expressions if we are to make educated guesses on what it’s going on inside of them.

Are they angry, sad, disgusted, confused, pensive, surprised, excited, happy? To what extent? Is it a mix? How are they usually by default?

Many, in their ordinary dealings, for one reason or another, valid or not, attempt to mask what is truly happening with them by simulating expressions. A task some masterfully succeed at while others miserably fail at. The acting is poor. Or it just doesn’t add up. In some cases, they might secretly wish someone would notice without being too terribly obvious about it.

Again, though, for optimal results in acting, don’t just change what is outwardly presented, change what is occurring inwardly and let that emanate. So that even muscles you didn’t know would operate would accordingly. And use this power for good, not for evil. Or for art.

On the other side of it, being able to grasp what facial expressions signify helps you be more considerate and sensitive to others’ states while exchanging with or contributing to them. Although you might not always get it right (and you could ask to be sure) or be able to respond properly to them (but maybe another time you will).

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

"IRL" vs "Online" Abuse

About “IRL” versus “Online” experiences... here’s a friendly reminder that they are interconnected, sometimes more than usual or than you’d believe, and affect each other.

Some people have these “lives” very separated so that they don’t touch each other as much. But other people have them very blended together (e.g. their RL work, family, and friends are online or accessible via online means). The latter becomes more of a thing as the world continues to rely and depend more on technology and the web. And in any case, even if you cannot directly affect the physical reality of someone, you can still significantly affect their mind and emotions (especially if they’re vulnerable) - which can consequently affect their physical reality. Not to mention, creeps are not as unlikely as one would like to believe and may creep as far as threatening your sense of safety for yourself and your loved ones (and yes, even invading your privacy). So while there’s still some distance, there’s still power that can be used and abused.

If you’ve experienced abuse right in your close surroundings, that is very likely worse if the person(s) exerting the abuse is just as cruel as someone who’d choose to torment someone via online means. However, it’d still be oversimplistic to dismiss “Online” experiences as not real enough simply because they happened online. Harassment is harassment regardless of where it takes place. If someone is being clearly and severely harmed by your actions and you continue to perform them, you do not get to claim you did no wrong because it happened while you were online and be correct about that.

This is a complex subject in which there are many rules and exceptions to all of them. Nevertheless, it helps to try to distinguish between when one is only having their ego offended and when one is suffering from crippling damage caused by malicious or disregarding individuals.

See also: What is abuse?

Supporting Victims of Abuse

Perhaps you haven’t experienced much abuse yourself but people you care about have and you would like to be supportive toward them. Here are some Dos and Don’ts:

Do:
• Let them know you care about them and want to support them. They might be reluctant to accept the offer, but just knowing that you care and that they have this option can ease them significantly.
• Remind them to take care of themselves, to put their needs and wants first. Their self-preservation instincts might be nearly non-existent if not just impaired.
• Insist (not obnoxiously) on being counted on. In case they didn’t hear you the previous times. In case they need and want your help but are afraid to ask for any reason.

Don’t:
• Assume they had it easy. You are not them. You don’t know how hard it was for them. Maybe you have little to no clue about the implications of the abuse they went through.
• Interrogate them. They’re probably still overwhelmed or exhausted, or maybe the wounds still hurt and reliving the experience is unbearable (if not just counterproductive). Instead, let them know you’ll listen if they ever wish to share more about it.
• Harshly lecture them. Sympathetic stories and lessons they can relate to and draw from can be relieving, but try not to be too preachy about their shortcomings.
• Say they should be grateful for this experience because it’ll make them stronger and wiser. More likely than not, this is not the time for this if they’re still struggling to recover. You can, however, acknowledge how sh*tty it was and then, when they’re more open to it, try to find some silver linings or to make some lemonade.
• Use their tragedy as an opportunity to prove yourself and/or show the world how charitable you are. Please don’t. Your why shapes your how.

Follow these suggestions along with some common sense and you’ll be on the right track to be a positive and constructive force in the lives of abuse victims. And remember, if you're trying to be supportive, the main point is for them to survive and recover from the abuse.

See also: What is abuse?

Recovering from Abuse

If you’ve been the victim of abuse, give yourself the chance to recover. Depending on the severity of it, it can go from being a short to a long process. However, watch out for unhealthy coping mechanisms; you won’t recover if you resign yourself to your misery and leave it to the passing of time to take care of it all - you have to be proactive in your healing process.

Were you surrounded by vicious people for too long? Go spend more time with saner ones. Were you kept from tending to your obligations? Catch up on them or at least on the ones that are still relevant. Were you kept from the hobbies that bring you joy and happiness? Make some room for them and pick them up once again. Were you disregarded in more ways? Don’t wait for others to give you the attention that you can give yourself! If you’re fortunate enough to have people that genuinely love you and that will gladly help you with this, fantastic! But don’t leave it all to them. Don’t turn into an abuser yourself.

Then how about your aspirations? Abuse might have been a huge setback (and incredibly discouraging), but once you’ve recovered enough, you can return to being your ambitious self. Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up over the waste that abuse caused. Make a promise to yourself to not let the same happen again if you can help it and, if possible, to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

See also: What is abuse?

How Much does Body Language Say?

Can we really hear more than what is being verbally said by studying body language? Yes. The body does express much, through both subtle and obvious cues. However, how accurate we can be when interpreting it is a whole other matter.

Intuitively and instinctively, you might be picking up both signs and their meanings, in and with context that could be elusive. Yet, you might not be able to trust and unpack what you’re absorbing through conscious knowledge. But something could still seem wrong, or right, or both. Perhaps simply off or just on point.

There certainly is much that can and does come through body language. And each and every single thing can be described and explained in detail. The problem arises when we attempt to “understand” it without really being capable of it and therefore reach erroneous conclusions. So should you even try to get into body language? Yes. But please be aware that you might be mistaken when attempting to get it.

In any case, though, aspiring to grasp at least enough of what body language usually communicates is especially advisable if it is relevant to the type of art that you make (or participate in). In any form of acting it is essential to at least be aware and familiar with the basics to incorporate them. How lacking would acting be otherwise?

Normally, it is best get into the shoes of what you’re representing rather than aiming to emulate external expressions while being void of internal processes that would naturally manifest them. But you can check to see what comes easiest for you. For some, it is like being possessed by a person or a state when they get to acting and the rest flows from that.

The more realistic the acting, the more subtleties in body language are present. And they may be overlooked by most, but noticed by those who pay attention. What are they saying when there are no words? How are words contradicting what they are saying without them? You might figure out the plot and get the spoilers upfront because of body language.

Then again, you might want to ask yourself if you’re reading too much into things. Maybe it’s just sloppy acting after all. Or those signs don’t mean what they seem.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Measures to keep Abuse Out of Your Life

You can’t always keep it all out, but you can take some measures to reduce it.

• Keep a healthy self-esteem. If you define self-esteem as a composition of self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-care, it is easy to see how lacking in this department opens the doors to abuse. If you do not have enough acceptance, respect, and care for yourself, you’re less inclined to trace and reinforce boundaries to protect yourself and to guarantee that you’re treated with dignity. For someone with little self-esteem, any small gesture can seem grand. Why? Because it is still more than they would expect, more than they believe they deserve or are worthy of. This makes you an easy target for abusers. A lot of them know that they can easily have you falling for them by the mere use of flattery (or any form of 'breadcrumbing'). And that’s not all, blaming you for everything also works (filling you with guilt, shame, and also 'gaslighting' you). And even if your self-esteem was initially okay, they may be insistent enough to lower it to the point where it’s not. So chin up and keep it steady. Work on having and maintaining bulletproof self-esteem.
• Be vocal and assertive. You are not a mere recipient for everyone else to crap on. If someone is mean and nasty to you, you can call them out on it. Maybe not right away, and maybe you’ll need to choose your words and tone wisely, but you’re not obligated to passively take in whatever others throw at you and roll with it for an eternity. You matter, too. And by standing up for yourself, you set the example for others and show them that they’re not powerless to stop abuse.
• Adopt a “Do no harm but take no sh*t” philosophy. Okay, not so literally, but it serves as a guideline. If you’re a quarrelsome person who starts fights for no good reason, you automatically hand others a free pass to do the same with you. So don’t do this to others and don’t allow it to be done to you by others either. Train and develop yourself to be able to not take offense (childish insults and wild accusations say more about who makes them than about you) and to defend yourself only when necessary.

These are merely starting points that can help turn things around. If you aren’t already covering these aspects and are, thus, “attracting” abuse into your life. Not to signify that it is your fault, but that you’re not helpless in such circumstances.

See also: What is abuse?

Steps to make it out of Abusive Situations

Every situation is unique and more complicated than words can encompass. Nevertheless, there are five fundamental steps that can be taken to make it out of abusive situations.

• Identify the situation you’re in. Unless you are aware of the situation you’re in, you won’t be able to consciously do much about it. See the ways in which it is abusive and to what extent. Consult experts to be more accurate.
• Decide that you’ve had enough of it. Be stubborn about it so that you can be determined to change it against the odds. Doubting and second-guessing can keep you stuck in the same place forever.
• Locate your exits. What doorways, metaphorically or literally speaking, lead you out of it to less abusive or abuse-free situations, to more favorable places? Which are within your reach?
• Determine your approach. What can you do to get there? Which problems require solving and which obstacles must be overcome? Are you all set or should you gather supplies? You might not be “completely ready,” but ready enough... is enough.
• Don’t let anything hold and pull you back. It is no surprise that abusers would rather you stay or that the situation remains the same. After all, as a victim of abuse, you likely give more than you take and a remorseless abuser would not like to lose that. Do not listen to senseless guilting and shaming. Ignore baseless claims that you won’t make it without them (or that they can't make it without you). Basically, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re obligated to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s selfish agenda when you don’t owe them that.

This being said, do not mistake a situation that is simply not what you prefer or what is most beneficial for you for a situation that is inherently abusive. The steps to make it out of them may be similar, but this distinction is important. Otherwise, among other things, you could lose credibility and goodwill.

See also: What is abuse?

The Far-Reaching Effects of Abuse

Depending on the type of abuse and the severity of it, there are several consequences. However, in general, there are a few far-reaching effects that are often the result of abuse. To list some of them, we have:

• Vulnerable state. When the abuse begins or increases beyond what you’re used to or prepared for, you may be caught off-guard on many levels. This is more the case if the abuse was specifically directed toward exploiting your weaker points and ultimately messing with you. You might have been stripped off what made you stable and secure. You might have been exhausted of your resources and/or blocked from gaining and accessing them and were left with little or nothing to support yourself with. You might feel exposed and at the mercy of violent forces that are out of your control.
• Loss of trust and trust issues. It is not unusual for abusers to come in disguise. Furthermore, it is not unusual for them to be VERY skilled at acting as though they’re trustworthy allies. If you were taken advantage of by somebody like this, it becomes more difficult to trust them and others again. You may have learned for the first time that people aren’t always as nice as they’d seem and you don’t want to risk going through the same again - not with them and not with anybody else. To some extent, it is simply a part of maturing to realize that it is not wise to trust everybody too soon. However, without the ability to trust others, we lose the opportunity to form meaningful relationships and instead corner ourselves, staring at a scary world that we cannot discern.
• Normalization of abuse. It can become a way of living and pass off as “normal.” Maybe it has been going on for so long that it now seems normal. Maybe so many people joined into it that it seems normal. Maybe the same can be found in so many other places that it seems normal. Maybe, technically, it is “normal.” Nevertheless, how “normal” something is, doesn’t necessarily make it worth adapting to and enduring.
• Adjusting to and becoming abusive. “If you can’t beat them, join them.” Naturally, for the sake of survival, we evolve. But into what? It is said that it’s not uncommon for victims of abuse to grow into abusers themselves for they didn’t learn any better and believe that they are stronger for this. At least they’re no longer the victim, no? It is this or somehow managing to instead go another way, doing all in their power to not allow this to continue.
• Distorted worldviews. Abuse is confusing. And some types of abuse can be particularly confusing and designed for this exact purpose; there’s not much you can accomplish when you’re disoriented - when you can’t tell true from false, right from wrong. If you have been severely abused, chances are your mental and emotional states are out of equilibrium. There’s also the chance that you were led to believe whatever was most convenient for the abuser that you believe, no matter how nonsensical. It can take a long time for you to be able to again grasp reality as it truly is, even if you knew it well before the abuse began.

The good news is that all of these can be remedied with proper and sufficient care. The bad news is that it is unfortunate that anyone would have to go through this and spend so much of their lives caught up in it.

See also: What is abuse?

Looking Back, Something was Missing...

Even though it’s too late, spilling my heart just to get it off my chest…

Y’all wouldn’t believe how much of a weirdo I was growing up. I WAS SO OBSESSED WITH MUSIC. I have been singing and dancing since I first could, at home, and then joined classes/teams as soon as I had the chance, at school. I was doing songwriting before I wrote anything else, too.

It was so lonely, though. I could never quite find somebody who was as into it as I was. I imagine what it would have been like if I had met then a person who’d enjoy dancing and singing like I did and was willing to give it their all. It would have been glorious even if we didn’t get anywhere with it. We would have listened to Blink 182 and other bands together too, as my emo “phase” began. And I wouldn't have been so down about how I could never see a girl who looked more like me in the music videos that spoke about love...

Cancer's Description

♋ CANCER

Cancer, the fourth sign, is a water and cardinal sign. Known for its nurturing nature, Cancer is affectionate and protective of loved ones. This sign is often associated with caregiving and homemaking, inclined to provide and maintain a favorable space or atmosphere for itself, close ones, or others in general. Its shell may be shielding it from the harsh realities of the world. Yet, beneath this exterior lies a soft and vulnerable heart, yearning for connection and belonging.

Spiritually, Cancer represents the journey of the soul toward safety and inner peace. It teaches us the importance of taking care of ourselves and others and being able to do so away from danger.

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Top Beauty Tip

I ought to let you know that, in my not-so-humble opinion, the best that you can do for your appearance is to tend to your well-being.

- Wash thoroughly.

- Get proper rest.

- Have nutritious meals.

- Keep yourself active.

- And limit your consumption, engagement and participation with anything stressful, overwhelming, and/or exhausting (yes, even if they're people and places you don't always hate).

While I'm not against makeup or surgery in certain cases, it is still best to tend to the above first instead.

Furthermore, treat yourself to anything that gives you peace or joy that isn't harmful! It greatly helps your natural glow.

In Which Colors do you Look Your Best?

Did you know that you have a palette? Shocker. No, really, this fact can be overlooked. That based on the color of your skin, your hair, your eyes, and your lips, the colors that you wear may or may not go with you. They may enhance your features or detract from them. They can make you come alive - or not. Not really a matter of life or death, but worth knowing.

If you wish to engulf yourself in colors that go with you, you could guide yourself with color theory and the color wheel, looking for the same, similar, adjacent, or complementary colors to your palette. However, there are other ways to go around it.

A color system for this purpose has become popular lately. It is a system that determines which season of the year you "are". Spring, summer, autumn, or winter. As palettes, they all essentially contain the colors that are most prominent during such season in nature. For example, winter has black, white, and blue. And if you are what is considered a winter, put simply, then these colors would go with you.

Furthermore, there is the issue of metals. Are you gold or silver? Put on accessories and see what stands out as most flattering to you.

And last but not least. Are you low contrast or high contrast? How much contrast is there between the colors that make the totality of you? If you are low contrast, putting on colors that have low contrast between each other would go with you. If you are high contrast, then colors with high contrast.

It shouldn't limit you if you'd rather not play by these rules or break them, but it's useful to be aware of when you're swimming against the current or riding a wave.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Recognizing if you’re being Abused

Avoid playing the victim and victim blaming! This is serious and to be treated with honesty. It might be tempting to pretend to be abused to not be held accountable for your actions or lack thereof. Likewise, it might be tempting to blame a real victim of abuse for their misfortune. Both of these are gravely irresponsible, so own up to what is truly going on. Here’s what you can do:

• Check yourself. Are you bending over backward to fulfill and satisfy others at your own expense? Are you putting up with more than you signed up for or deserve as a human being worthy of basic respect and acknowledgment? Are your needs and wants last or secondary to others’ more egotistic desires? Have you made your (reasonably set) limits evident to others and you’re still being pushed past them?
• Check for motivations and intentions. You may not be able to read minds and hearts, but there are times when these are relatively obvious if only we bother to pay attention. Do not assume. Do not expect the worst for no reason at all. Remain as objective as you can and, if it is a viable option, gather input directly from the source (this is not a good idea if the person is dangerous or would put you in danger in some way). “Was it your intention to push me this far? If that’s so, why?” Look at their response with some amount of skepticism. Are they trying hard to make wrongs seem right when they clearly aren’t, defending abusive behavior? Are they attempting to laugh and brush it off to dodge the questions? Are they genuinely pained that you’d think they were willing to mistreat you because they are doing what they can to treat you well or are they just offended because you could see through the facade they believed was so perfectly put together? Do they not make any significant effort to correct themselves even though there’s much to correct? If you cannot ask them directly, don’t ignore the red flags. Actively and continually going past your comfort levels to the point where you’re unable to function properly does show a lack of consideration. Be lucid in finding the answers to what their motivations and intentions are; accusing others of being ill-meaning is not to be taken lightly.
• Check the alternatives. Are there ways life could be easier and kinder for you without being overindulgent? Would you be able to perform better under other circumstances? What would be more just for you?

You might not like what you figure out upon exploring these aspects of your reality. And unfortunately, many forms of abuse are ingrained and accepted in today’s world - and there’s not much we can do about it. It’s not guaranteed that you’ll be able to be completely free of abuse, but you can reduce as much of it as it’s possible for you. Again, I’ll stress the importance of being honest with yourself about this because things aren’t as simple as pointing fingers and claiming abuse. Playing the victim (when you’re not) can also be a form of abuse. And so can victim blaming, whether it’s you who’s the victim and you’re taking the blame (abusing yourself) or it’s somebody else. Do not rush your interpretations for there’s much to factor in to reach suitable conclusions. 

For further guidance, look for other available information on this issue - many abuse survivors and professionals have freely shared their findings.

See also: What is abuse?

Recognizing if you’re being Abusive

Clearly, I can’t convince remorseless abusers to stop the abuse they so badly crave to do and perhaps immensely benefit from. However, if you’re looking to change your ways so that you don’t do more harm than you ought to, recognizing if you’re being abusive is a place to start. Here’s what you can do:

• Check for how okay others are with your actions. I don’t mean being a people pleaser (this could invite abuse toward you). What I mean is: Were your actions hurtful? And if so, was this necessary? Like when we sometimes must endure some pain in order to heal or improve? Or like when it’s just the way things go and there’s not much that can be done about it? And I repeat: Was this necessary? Do not try to falsely excuse and justify poor or cruel behavior but do not let others shape you to their whims either.
• Check how balanced and fair your giving-and-taking dynamics are. No, it’s not about always keeping score and expecting reciprocity (this can turn into abuse, too). It is more complex than that. Nevertheless, at least noticing how much you’re taking from others in relation to how much you’re giving back (of value) can give you an idea of when too much is too much. Caution: Do not fall for tricks designed to make you feel indebted to others when you can’t afford it. Any truly generous person would give without expecting in return unless they themselves are in need and/or do not have much to give. In which case, it is likely best to be transparent about it and make the exchanges a deal and a balanced and fair trade.
• Check yourself. Are you excessively greedy and insensitive? How’s your self-control? And how about your conscience? If you’re unable to empathize and sympathize with others’ genuine suffering, are you still able to draw a line and decide not to cross it for their sake? You are not obligated to become a martyr, sacrificing yourself for others, but you can form your character in such a manner that it is not abusive.

Changes won’t happen overnight and you ought to want to make them happen for them to happen. There might be many trials and errors as well as relapses. Keep going. Some will notice and thank you and some will not (and they might not owe it to you). But keep going.

See also: What is abuse?

What is Abuse?

‘Abuse’ may be a strong word to use, which is why some of us can be reluctant to use it despite it being merited. Whereas, some others might use it too freely and judge any situation that upsets and tires them as abusive. So let’s try to be clear about what abuse is and isn’t.

Everyone and everything has a certain degree of capacity and potential at a given time and place. Going beyond this, demanding and/or imposing more on them, does indeed count as abuse. It is not incorrect to say that, technically, a person is abusing a machine if they are making it perform past the point where it is safe for it - where it is at risk of breaking down, doing what is not meant to or built for. Pretty much the same when it comes to living beings; there are certain things that they cannot handle well, if at all, and it would be abusive to force them to for it seriously threatens their well-being.

Now, you might be thinking, “What oversensitive, useless way to be! Life ain’t fair! Everyone faces hardship and struggles! Refusing to work under pressure is just immature and conceited!” If these are your thoughts, consider this: It is one thing to challenge ourselves to grow and it is another to destroy ourselves and therefore hinder our growth.

There are differences between accidental abuse that happens because one or neither knew their limits and deliberate abuse that happens due to disregard for the health of the abused. Furthermore, there’s abuse that’s light and can be easily and quickly mended and abuse that’s severe and may take years to fully recover from (if it is even possible to). And of course, all that’s in between.

Something that a lot of people fail to realize is that you can’t measure abuse by the actions alone - you have to take into account what impact and effects they have to be able to tell whether they’re abusive or not. This is why, often, victims of abuse have their experiences minimized by those who would have been able to take them without as much damage. And in contrast, this is also why some of the things that others ‘put up with’ seem worse than they really are for those involved. In other words, what would be detrimental to one subject, may not be for another.

More often than not, it is not appropriate to say, “You’re just being whiny! I’d be fine with it if it happened to me!” Maybe this is the case as, yes, there truly are whiners in the world that complain of having to lift a finger when they can very well do that and more, but perhaps you should take the time to consider that their complaints might be valid. And if so, a more helpful response would be to ask, “What do you think we could do about that, then, so that you’ll be doing better?”

These days, abuse is frequently overlooked because:
A) The abused does not recognize or admits the abuse and does not present obvious signs that it is happening. The few visible abusive actions seem benign instead of abusive.
B) Those surrounding the abused dismiss their calls for help as selfish cries for attention they are not obligated to respond to. It might be easier to assume that they are lying and/or overreacting (as manipulative and/or overentitled folks frequently do) than to actually make the effort to tend to them.
Therefore, unless you pay enough attention, you might not see it.

Asking the question “Are you okay?” may come in handy for yourself and for others IF answered truthfully.

From "Ugly Duckling" to "Beautiful Swan"

As someone who has lived as what's considered ugly and as what's considered beautiful, I am compelled to let you know that I had better luck in love (or, well, in actually having loving relationships), when I was what, at most, would be rated a 5/10.

I didn't have as many people pretending to be something they're not to get my attention and have me invested in them. It may seem flattering, but it gets old fast and becomes burdensome instead (if not nightmarish). Maybe it wouldn't be so much if I capitalized on it, but I don't. So what I'm left with is just a frustrating and draining experience. And that's more the case if you're inherently, or through early adaptation, someone who prefers to have immense love from a single person than being desirable by a high number of people (most of which probably don't even see you for you).

Do I have "pretty privilege"? I'm not sure to what extent but, for me, the best I'm getting out of it is simply not being constantly harrassed about not being pretty enough. At what cost, though. At what cost...

As someone who wasn't visually appealing, I used to only happen to end up talking with someone and they'd find out, "Oh, you're actually quite interesting and nice to be around." And either a friendship or something more would be born out of that that was at least genuine.

But when you're visually appealing? Love bombers. Love bombers everywhere. Beware.

What is Your Type of Look?

It is not impossible for one person to be able to embody a wide range of looks, and look natural while doing so! However, you may find that, in your case, your default would be somewhere between intense, stoic, and tender. This may be because of both your physique and your spirit. Both of which could change, subtly or drastically, over the years. You may also be talented and/or skilled at switching from one to another - via mindset and/or makeup.

In any case, knowing what comes most naturally to you can help you show up in your element. Where it doesn’t look forced or as if you’re wearing some sort of costume that misses the mark. Though that can be fun, too! And it can also be stretched forward in a way that comes out authentic rather than faked. But ultimately, there would be a point where you’re at the most ease, whether all your life or during a period of it.

So, given these categories, where do you fall into? Intense, stoic, or tender?

• Intense people are passionate and focused. They can show impatience and be all-or-nothing.

• Stoic people are practical and efficient. They can show moderation and be sensible.

• Tender people are gentle and accommodating. They can show patience and be graceful.

This reflects in their postures, their gestures, and overall, their expressions. So what they wear, how they accessorize, and anything else that they put on would match or mismatch that. And you can certainly go for either regardless. Sometimes a mismatch is exactly the intended result and it somehow works with what you’re going for! But that’s a choice that you can consciously make.

Typically, bold choices suit those who are mainly intense. Pragmatic choices suit those who are mainly stoic. And delicate choices suit those who are mainly tender. Nevertheless, as a complex human being, you can mix it up for combinations that most accurately represent you (or your character) as a whole. You can go all the way in one category or come up with a composition containing more than one.

For better and for worse, how you show up influences how everything around you responds. Attracting and repelling, bringing out the best or the worst in others. So it’ll be a matter of what and how much you can handle, too. Nevertheless, don’t cease to exist.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Living Life on Your Own Terms

Let’s say you’ve gained your freedom. Your life is yours. What now? It is not all sunshine and rainbows.

When you’re living life on your own terms you are responsible for all your decisions. There is no more blaming somebody else for what you did or didn’t do. You are the captain of your ship. Not tradition, not routine, not habits. You decide where, how, and why it goes. Your successes are yours, but so are your failures. You can still receive guidance and other forms of contributions in your life, but ultimately, you have the last say. And you will have to live with the mistakes you make and the regrets they cause.

So, contrary to what it may seem to many, when you have the freedom to do about anything, you also carry with you the enormous burden of being responsible for your destiny. So, paradoxically, you’re not really that free. Is that something that you can do? Honestly, it is not for everyone.

If you are someone who is genuinely concerned with blending in and reaching conventional milestones, because that is how you roll and you thrive that way, joyously so, there’s no point in trying to steer far from that. However, if that does little for you or it is even suffocating, then you probably yearn for more autonomy - and rightly so.

Are you discouraged yet? If you are, you can take it as a sign. Maybe it is not for you, or maybe you’re just not in an optimal state for it at the moment. But if it sounds like a small price to pay, then you might have been born to be a free spirit.

Radical Life Changes

Radically changing your life is an act of courage (or it got so bad that not doing so is no longer an option).

It has a lot to do with your threshold for change. Is change stimulating and invigorating to you? So much that you easily crave and go for it? Or are you more someone who enjoys being settled, and once settled, it is very difficult to see change as tempting and desirable - even if you’re miserable? Or somewhere in between. Furthermore, it has plenty to do with how much is at stake. What do you have to gain and what do you have to lose?

When it gets to a point where it looks as though it could only be better and what you presently have is already unbearable, making a change not only becomes a calling but also a push. However, we may be disoriented and unable to tell exactly what direction to take - which can end badly. So it is extremely important to set yourself up for solutions rather than distractions or, god forbid, destruction.

If you were given the chance to be reborn, letting go of some things and bringing with you some others, what kind of life would like to have? Is that a life that would please you? Would it bring you closer to your aspirations? Is it ultimately worthwhile? Visualizing what is or could be next, also breaking it down on paper, can help you determine what should be done. But beware that the future is never completely guaranteed. It is something of a risk. Although, it is more about opening yourself up to opportunities that you are much less likely to have if you remain stuck in the same old. Or to merely have the freedom to choose from then on.

It can indeed be stressful and overwhelming, terrifying too. Adapting and evolving to go through and fit into different situations can take time and other resources. It is understandable why stagnation is so commonplace. You might not feel and/or think yourself prepared and capable of handling all of it. And you might have to take a leap of faith, lest you continue to forever dwelling on how suited you are.

For some, charging forward and figuring it out afterward is what works best for them. For others, figuring it out as they go. And for the rest, figuring it out beforehand and then taking it on. Which category do you most fall into? Whichever it is, it is not barred from achieving it.

The question is: Do you need and want to radically change your life? And if so, are you willing to do what it takes?

Is your Life Lifeless?

Have you been dying a slow death or gone through one or more abrupt ones? Is it as if you’re gone despite the fact that you’re still there? You go through the motions, do what you must do (or manage to do), but there is little to no fire left in you. You may believe that you are simply getting old and that it is normal to be this way but, while it is indeed common, it isn’t such a requisite.

What happens usually is that we let things get the best of us. The more we go through life, the more we are likely to encounter such things. Things that block, detour, exhaust, deteriorate, or even extract from us. Until life isn’t quite our own anymore, though it may still seem that way.

If it’s not poor habits and detrimental circumstances that are physically harming you, you should look into what is harming your spirit. And by spirit, I am referring to what moves you and keeps you going beyond what you are forced to do or believe you are. That which can fuel you with enthusiasm, devotion, and fulfillment that is in line with you. Not obligations and measures that aren’t born out of conviction. Instead, that which makes you come alive.

Unfortunately, some may have been lost or transformed forever, but much might still be possible to reincorporate and/or revive. And it’s worth a try.

Accidentally Came Out of The Closet

I never had a big coming out of the closet moment. More like just casually bringing up that, since the day I could begin questioning this stuff, it made sense to me that if I had a “love of my life”, I would not care what body they came in (or transitioned to). And that shows one of the ways in which the LGBT+ movement hasn’t failed. It is now safer for more of us to admit something like that.

Happy... Pride Month?

Starting to get into summer but, besides that, it is also Pride month!

As some of you may already know, I’ve been an LGBT+ ally for decades and also considered myself a part of it even if only as a queer individual. So I’ve seen plenty of how the movement has been taking effect - for better and for worse.

I’ll always stand for the liberty to find and express yourself as you truly are and that love is love. But it often looks like, nowadays, these points are missed. To such an extent that LGBT+ folks are beginning to “prove right” everyone who adamantly opposed it at first by seemingly drawing faulty arguments. Some of you don’t know when enough is enough or don’t keep yourself from taking and twisting things to use as excuses and justifications for being lousy or even vile people. I do not support this.

I believe I am immune to any accusation that I might be homophobic or transphobic, or anything like that, when I disagree with anything coming from somebody who identifies as LGBT+, for I’m too clear on where I stand and that’s clearly not the case, so I can easily speak out my thoughts and feelings on all of this. I’m only anti hurting the cause, yourself, and/or others because you can’t be bothered to do better and assume everything should bend to your whims, nonsensical as they may be.

I’d very much like you to be colorful and show those wonderful colors as you crave. But there are times when we must check ourselves and ask if we’re being as reasonable and compassionate as we claim to be or just rushing and latching onto ideologies that are becoming dogmatic - which was the very thing we were fighting against.

We’ve had it rough, there’s no denying that, and we deserve some accommodation and leeway over that fact. But beware you don’t turn into the same kind of monsters that tormented us.

Human nature is complex and so is coexisting in life, with people and in the world. One common mistake I encounter is treating any of this as if it were simple. You do have to reflect - both deeply and broadly - if you are be accurate and correct in your opinions. Consider relevant factors, make room for nuance. And if you can’t do that, at least join the conversation from a place of being open to learning, discussing and clarifying.

I applaud those addressing these issues with the intent of helping make it better and I’ll contribute to it and to them how and when I can - without any self-sacrifice involved as I already did my share of that.

So, with that said, have a happy Pride month! 🏳️‍🌈

Rocking Your Look

Nothing wrong with adorning and altering your appearance if you’re into that. But it may indeed get to a point where you should ask yourself if you’re doing yourself a disservice by covering and removing features that you could instead embrace or even pronounce. Features that make you unique and possibly irreplaceable.

Often, we get carried away by trends and what the current standards are. And while they can indeed be considered and integrated into our choices (and it can be fun to do), I wouldn’t advise letting them overrule everything - especially if you’re the kind of person who’d rather do their own thing.

What is considered pretty or cool can wildly vary depending on the culture. Conditioning and programming, yes. But also how values are set in a person’s value system. You could argue that there are objective rules for what can be called beautiful or impressive, based on symmetry, proportion, and more. However, it will still ultimately be a subjective judgment.

This being the case, you have a say in how you’re perceived by bringing to it your own values. In other words, if you believe that you’re the bomb, it will be easier for others to see you as that too. It doesn’t necessarily have to come through as a loud statement, it can be a quiet knowing as well. Being accepting of yourself and secure in that. Beware, though, that this could result in magnetism that is also polarizing - and all that this entails.

Inhibitions and apprehension can indeed be adorable and have their own charm to them, relatable and validating to some and enticing in certain contexts, but do little for or work against making your look A Look. Unless people on the other end can have their own criteria, they would be swayed by your discomfort to wonder what is wrong about you and search for what would confirm that bias. And even strong-minded individuals could cave in to do the same if you're persistently doubtful or even negative.

If you are concerned about crossing the line between being confident and being delusional, then you can always practice being honest (not harsh) with yourself and evaluating yourself accordingly. What do you genuinely appreciate? What have you come to terms with? What could you fix or improve?

The world would be very boring (and bizarre) if we all looked the same. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can be unshaken by what is only passing through.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Another Summer

Another summer arrives…
Beaches, sandcastles, popsicles, and soda.
With the sun at its brightest and its rays hitting intensely,
don’t forget to stay hydrated and be refreshed.
Give yourself a break under the shades so you won’t burn or burn out.