What a Road Trip!

The last 3+ years have been WILD beyond my IMAGINATION. I literally cannot put it into words, but OH MY GOD. Life is really something and I am glad to be alive to witness and experience it!

Before all of this, things were… let’s just say, quite tough. I’ve had hard and difficult times lately, but it was years ago when I was hit to the point of fully breaking while being pretty much defenseless. It is interesting now, though. As someone who’s always trying to be optimistic or at least see a silver lining or a light at the end at the tunnel, there were moments I wholeheartedly despised. And while I was aware of much of the help I was fortunate to receive, and grateful for it, I had NO idea just how much exactly was coming my way. And what an amazing surprise that people I crossed paths with then, under those circumstances, are now people I cannot (and do not want to) see myself without ever.

Let us forever be adventurers in this messed-up world that is ever-changing, with new and different obstacles to overcome and challenges to face, as we continue to grow stronger, wiser, braver, and more prepared for anything that’s to come.

Why Have a Bucketlist?

It’s all fun and games, but also… what a way to keep yourself alive! Making and keeping a bucket list will give you plenty to look forward to and aspire towards.

Typically, when we think of bucket lists, we think of a list of amazing experiences that we hope to have. That we fear missing out on and would YOLO into. Experiences that we can be overjoyed by if and when have them. And they can range from small to big, affordable to expensive, common to rare, and so on. It is personally gratifying both to have them and to tick them off the list once we do. It brings meaning and purpose into our lives.

And yet, as if that wasn’t enough already, there are countless different ways in which to make them. Get personal, be original, do it your way. 

You can decorate it. Get artsy with pens, markers, and stickers or with how you digitally format it (whether you print it out or not).

You can theme it. Make it The Bucket List of an Artist or what may have you. So that from it, what you will add to it emerges.  

You can time it. Maybe it’s not for your entire lifetime, but for the summer. Or for any other season or period. And if it is indeed life-long, then elements within it could belong to set times.

You can display it. Pin it to a board or a wall where you can frequently see it so you won’t forget about it or even show it around to others, if you’d like that extra pressure to commit to it, and even let them anticipate its gradual completion.

Should you bother with it? If it seems like something that your life needs right now, then maybe you should give it a try. Just be wary of putting yourself in strain or risk over it! And if you’re out of ideas for it, it is an exercise in finding out what you’d like in the story of you!

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Measures to Keep Neglect Out of Your Life

As with anything that involves being treated right, it has plenty to do with your self-esteem and the various forms of protection that can come from it. But let’s break it down into measures.

- Are you neglectful? No? Then why accept neglect?
- Are you a person striving to survive and thrive to give back? Then why accept neglect?
- Are you a human being who was born into or gone through unfortunate circumstances that left you without much agency? Then why accept neglect?

If your self-esteem isn’t high enough, whether or not your ego is big, this could sound like you are asking for too much. But this is only directing you toward receiving better care from those close to you, around you, and/or in charge. It doesn’t mean you will be forcing anyone in particular to tend to your every whim. If that’s how you’re understanding it, you should reflect it further.

• Work on your self-esteem.
Make it so you have self-acceptance, self-respect, self-care, and a good sense of self-worth. Affirming yourself won’t do if there are things you could work on in yourself and you aren’t already putting in the work. Earn your self-esteem and have it.

• Do not be afraid to be rude.
Situations that shouldn’t have lasted more than 3 days can extend for months and even years if we’re tip-toeing around others. Drop any belief that leads you to assume that you are obligated to coddle others and suppress yourself when that is not the case.

• Learn to receive.
You’d assume that receiving is the easiest thing in the world, but then find out that you have trouble with it. When you’re too humble or too reciprocal, receiving can be difficult. You may ask yourself if you deserve it and, while that is good, you sometimes must look at it differently. Maybe you don’t deserve it right now, but you will in the future. Or maybe never, but it’ll still make you a better person, healing you and curing your vices, and that benefits everyone around you. Just be mindful of when you’re taking too much from those who barely have for themselves.

• Begin to trust the trustworthy.
In a world like ours, trusting is dangerous. But if you happen to find people who are deserving of your trust, at least when it comes to certain matters and issues, do not withhold trust forever. Help is easier to exchange when there is trust. Look for what can make you comfortable with it and go from there. If anyone betrays your trust, do not listen to their pleas for forgiveness. These are people lacking in guilt and shame. Let them prove themselves if they want your trust again or leave them without it.

Furthermore, you could reflect on the times when you allowed neglect into your life and what you could and should have done instead.

Steps to Break Out of Neglectful Situations

So you find yourself in a situation where you are being neglected or you sense and suspect you are. What can you do about it? Each and every situation is ultimately unique, but there are steps that are essential to many of them.

- Note if any of your needs or wants are not being met, despite having been communicated (communicate them if not).

- Get clear on what your and others’ duties are. Are they being fulfilled? What can and should really be expected from one another?
- Consider relevant factors and weigh everything as fairly and reasonably as you can. Put yourself in their shoes and be in your own shoes too.
- If you can be sure that there has been a failure to care, bring it up in the words and tone that could be appropriate (even if it is embarrassing or inconvenient to them).
- If they are attentive, responsive, and work to correct their behavior, you can choose to have some patience and see if it will be resolved soon.

It could end there, or it could not…

- If it is ignored or even dismissed, or endlessly put off, give yourself permission to disengage (care as little about them as they do about you).
- Formulate valid arguments in your defense to fend against any unmerited accusations, whether by them or by your own faulty beliefs, whether you’ll voice them out or keep them to yourself in order to be at peace.
- Withdraw the investment you had in them and put it toward yourself. Tend to yourself like you expected they would and then more.

As usual with breaking cycles, it is easier said than done. But you can keep these steps at the forefront so that you won’t be forever going in circles through the same.

Leo's Description

♌ LEO

Leo, the fifth sign, is a fire sign and a fixed sign, radiating with confidence and charisma. Known for its boldness, Leo commands attention wherever it goes. Often associated with creativity and passion, they pursue their goals with enthusiasm, inspiring others to follow along or do the same with theirs. Not as a chore, but as play.

Spiritually, Leo represents the welcoming of self-expression and empowerment. It teaches us to acknowledge and employ our unique gifts and talents and to shine brightly in the world, reminding us that we are worthy of appreciation and admiration, just as we are.

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Momentum or Prudence?

We might often hear about one or the other as what to go for, but both have their time and place! If you are always chasing and riding momentum, you might miss instances in which you should pause and gauge what is and could happen. And if you’re always treating everything with prudence, you might miss the forces that can propel you forward beyond what anything else could.

It is indeed tricky, and it is not about achieving a perfect balance between engaging in the two, but you can learn to switch between them when it is most appropriate and convenient.

Momentum is something that is formed internally and externally. Not necessarily equally; sometimes more on one realm than the other. Things fall into place and are in motion, working among them and for you, granting you the opportunity to make tremendous progress in one or more ways. It may get you to land nicely or to hit a wall. Crash and burn. You can’t always tell where it will take you, with what, how, and why, and that rises concern. Is this a chance you should take or a risk to avoid?

Prudence is more meticulous and thorough, and more within your control. Awareness is favored over venturing into the unknown. And that may be wise, to make informed decisions and prepare for any challenges that you may face or avoid them altogether if they are deemed unworthy. However, it becomes a problem when cowardice is mistaken as deliberation and dwelling is mistaken as calculation. Then it could go on for longer than it should and lead you to miss opportunities.

You’d be more naturally inclined to one over the other. And situations, as well, would evoke one more than the other. But it’ll serve you to distinguish when you can afford either and when either is most beneficial.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Who is Prone to Being Neglectful?

It can happen to anyone at some point, being or becoming neglectful. But if it’s something you’d rather avoid, on either end, here is who to be wary of.

• The Self-centered
They are the main character. You’re just the supporting cast. Or merely extras. In their view, your sole role is to serve them. And your whole worth is based on how much and how well you perform in that regard. They do not recognize you as a person with their own life to live. They won’t be grateful, nor reciprocal, because they are entitled.

• The Old-fashioned
Or just those with messed up beliefs, whether from the past or from the present. They lack nuance and roll on oversimplifications. Anything even just a little more complex is just too much and should not be accounted for. You’re being too sensitive, too frail, too whiny. No matter how grounded in reality you are or how evident it is that they are harming themselves and others.

• The Neglected
It happened to them, it should happen to you too. That’s what some of them end up thinking. Unless they steered clear of that line of thinking or worked on themselves if they wound up with it. Read “The Far-Reaching Effects of Neglect” for more on it.

• The Clueless
They… don’t know. They don’t know they are supposed to care. They don’t know how to care. They just don’t know. Maybe they were never taught or their brain never made the correct connections. They might be teachable. But you might run into a wall and find out that it is willful ignorance that they’ll hang onto. And after an age, you must wonder why they never learned. Apathetic much?

• The Occupied
They simply have too much on their hands already. Their plate is full. They bit off more than they can chew. Give them a hand or cut them some slack. They are already doing their best even if that’s not enough. Although it is indeed concerning that, the way things are going, barely anyone has the luxury to be there for another.

• The Depressed, Anxious, and/or ADHDer
They may wish it wasn’t like that. And they try, they try. However, they have executive dysfunction that interferes with their activities. Sometimes they believe they can do something, that looks doable, but then it turns out they can’t. They might try to push through or go around it, but their efforts are futile or fall short.

Lastly, it could go without mention, but relying on very young children and very old elders for tasks that they cannot fulfill is misplaced. Same for people with any other disabilities or handicaps that interfere with caregiving.

Not everyone can provide proper care, even if they want to. So delegate accordingly.

See also: What is neglect?

The Far-Reaching Effects of Neglect

Harmless as it may seem, neglect can have immense and profound effects on us that can last weeks, months, years, and even decades - more so if untreated.

Besides the physical and/or immediate effects that unmet needs and wants can have, some psychological effects that then shape our lives for longer include:

• Bitter Resentment
You become hateful or just indifferent toward others - especially those that had it better than you. You lack generosity. And even if you had some of it in you, you lack the abundance from which to give it. You know, consciously or not, that you deserved better or that it was your right. Seeking vengeance is tempting. May spite others at any chance you get.

• Isolating Hyperindependence
You accept what happened as something that happens. Your takeaway from it is that you cannot trust, rely, or count on others for much or anything at all. Perhaps believe it to be foolish too. Immature even. It may be to the extent that you view less independent people as lesser and may urge them to toughen up. Frustrated when anyone asks anything of you because you did it alone. Why can’t they? Could become prideful to the extent that it blinds you to help you do or have received.

• Unidirectional Compassion
Others matter, but you don’t. That’s the message you got. You may be quick to help others, probably gladly doing so, but have trouble asking for help for yourself (or even acknowledging your own needs, let alone wants). You too easily feel like a burden and try not to be one at all costs. You come last. Putting yourself first, at any point, might even have you believing you’re vile.

Or something along those lines. In some amount. Possibly a mixture, despite the contradiction.

Put in context, you could infer how this would shape your relationships with close ones, your family, your community, and society at large. And the consequences are, to say the least, not ideal. But most of all, your relationship with yourself is impacted.

See also: What is neglect?

Oh No! Burning Out!

Careful! Even machines burn out! And you’re made of flesh. It’s okay to give yourself a break. Not only okay, it is required for your optimal functioning and to even function at all.

Regularly taking one or two days off a week is important. Occasionally taking a few days off every once in a while is important. Sporadically taking more than that to rest if you ought to is important. And religiously taking advantage of the holidays and other vacation days we have in a year to relieve and restore ourselves is important.

You can hustle, you can make every minute count toward a goal or ambition. But if you take it to a point where it ultimately leads you to break down. It is not productive, it is counterproductive. Furthermore, certain tasks require you to be at your best in order to perform them. Performing them while straining yourself won’t do. Could be disastrous even. Best not even attempted.

Different people and different careers or lifestyles have different amounts of execution. Some people can (and even are compelled to) execute for long while some do not. Some careers or lifestyles demand a great amount of execution while some do not. You must figure out and get to what suits you, pushing yourself only as far as you can handle. It may not be evident right away and you may bit off more than you can chew, or quite the contrary, but that’s something to monitor and make adjustments in accordance with.

It is tempting to compare ourselves with others in terms of who does most. And while an objective observation may be in place for various purposes, it shouldn’t be the reason to be unreasonably harsh toward ourselves or others. As long as it lets you survive and eventually thrive, you can simply aim to give your most and your best without harming yourself in the process.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Recognizing Neglect

Recognizing neglect can be not only difficult due to lack of clarity, but also avoided as it entails coming to the realization that you are either being treated poorly or treating another poorly - or both. However, it is still best to get to and have the truth of the situation to better proceed with it.

If you are dependent on another or another is dependent on you, that opens up the possibility of neglect. To what degree, that depends. Is what it is being relied on for common sense or has it been discussed? Even if it is supposed to be common sense, discussing it to be sure is always best. Yes, even to a little child, telling them “I am your parent, that makes me your caregiver, you can (and should) come to me for x, y, and z.” Along with telling them what other adults they can go to for more care. Alternatively, you could ask, if you’re in doubt, about how much you can count on another.

Once there has been direct communication about it, it is easier to spot when and where care, that you’re expected to receive, is lacking. Keeping in mind, however, that a person is not always able to quickly come through, if at all, for you. There may be more that they are juggling that is of the same or more importance or they may be having trouble themselves in some way.

However, if it is someone who has promised you this and that and then some more, causing you to rely on them for such, and they just show you over and over again that you are not a priority and they do not intend to keep their word (just benefited from your dependence on them and what came with it), you’ve got yourself a worthless piece of s***. And maybe they should be in prison along with compensating you with interests. But if walking away is all you can do, then let that be it.

Whether we like it or not, we are part of a collective. A human being on Earth, a peer, a teacher, a class or teammate, a coworker, a boss or an employee or a client, a partner, a parent or a child, an idol, a friend… And we do have the choice to be closely involved with others or not, being transparent about it. But there’s still going to be a bit of responsibility falling upon us regardless. And failing to tend to those or not, makes a difference.

See also: What is neglect?

What is Neglect?

Now, how can we define neglect? Put simply, neglect is the failure to care properly for someone or something. But what else is there to it?

Usually, we can consider an action or inaction as neglectful when there is some sort of duty or responsibility to care for the person or object, whether you signed up for it or it was assigned to you. This can get complex because there may be many factors involved to consider.

When you “sign up” to care for someone or something, you are basically telling everyone else that you will be taking care so they/others don’t have to. Any decadence or destruction suffered is then on you. You were neglectful while you were being counted on not to be and something was damaged or lost as a result.

When caring for someone or something is “assigned” to you, it could mean a number of things. You were at that time and place where someone or something needed care that you could provide for. That is a social and humane responsibility assigned to you. Another could be that you are a relative of someone or the owner or something and therefore you should be caring before others. That’s a civil responsibility assigned to you.

Let’s emphasize the ability to provide care, however. In the cases in which you are indeed unable to provide care, you are absolved of the responsibility - as that would be both unreasonable and unrealistic. But in many instances, that would then require you to admit that you cannot take care and/or call (or at least allow) for someone else to.

Neglect isn’t always a serious matter that leads to terrible consequences. But the times it is, it can be as bad, if not worse than abuse. E.g. Leaving a baby, a creature incapable of doing anything for themselves, alone for days. Letting a person in need of urgent medical treatment, in lethal danger, wait for too long. Disregarding an elder, whose motor and cognitive functions have severely declined, fend for themselves because you can’t be bothered to care.

Then, there are those actions and inactions that, while “normal” enough to not be reprimanded by most, are still neglectful. E.g. seeing somebody being mistreated and doing nothing about it because “it’s not any of your business” and it would be an inconvenience to you.

We are all neglectful to some extent because we are not superhumans. But we must watch out for extremes that cannot be justified.

Does or Doesn't? Messy Love

Love is messy. And may not even be love at all. And while it might be impossible to precisely quantify, we can at least make some distinctions and get a vague idea of where we and others stand in regards to it.

So here is a graphic to help you figure it out! It can be used within different contexts, not only the romantic kind. Asking yourself, “How much does this person (or entity) love & care for me and how much do they want and/or need me?” Then spotting where you are on the map.

People often confuse wanting and/or needing with loving & caring. And this is VERY DANGEROUS to do. Or they do tell them apart but still settle for the former without the latter. Again, TERRIBLE. Wanting and/or needing is essentially about getting. While loving & caring is essentially about giving. If you let others get away with only getting, they’ll practically suck the life out of you.

Furthermore, sadly, many people (myself included), end up in the bottom right square with their person. Either ‘cause the person was pretending that there was more to it or because they were convinced that they didn’t deserve better (or that it was unreasonable to expect it). In any case, it is a lousy place to be in. So don’t settle for just being wanted and/or needed. Of course you would be if you have valuable qualities! How low is your self-esteem to believe that’s enough?

For visual representation, you can ‘guesstimate’ and mark yourself in one color where you believe you are and mark the other with another color where you believe they are, keeping in mind the context you’re taking this in.

Furthermore, it might help to recognize that everyone and everything doesn’t have the same capacity to be invested. Some only go as far as the smallest square, being the most dispassionate kind. Others are more lukewarm than that and extend to the second square. And the rest are among the most passionate. There’s a chance you might wish to stick with your kind.

So here it is blank for you to try it. The results may slightly to wildly vary, depending. And may not be what you expect or hope for, but the sooner you face reality the sooner you can get to something real that’s worthwhile (or bring it there).

Love is indeed messy. So this is merely trying to make sense of what happens or is happening without getting too lost in specifics. But you could also note that there are times when the axes sort of compete and counteract each other, when what's in them is in some sort of conflict. E.g. There are times when you Love & Care so much that it seems as though you're indifferent in the Want and/or Need department. But it's just that that same Love & Care has suppressed, blocked out, or let go of that Want and/or Need. Alternatively, extreme Want and/or Need could throw out Love & Care to self-serve, acting from entitlement, disregarding the other or the relationship itself. Something to watch out for!

What Happens when you Fall In Love with an Artist?

Valentine sweetheart this, summer love that. But what about being in love with an artist? It largely depends on what kind of artist it is, but there are a few peculiarities that might be encountered when falling in love with an artist:

• Wondering if they’re in love with you or in love with love.
• Not knowing if they’re still looking for tragedy for their art or for their happy ending.
• Worrying you won’t be stimulating enough, that you won’t inspire them and can’t be their muse.
• Concerned you won’t be able to keep up with them or that you’ll be holding them back.
• While intrigued and fascinated by their interests, and respectful of them, afraid it’ll be discouraging that you do not share them.
• Bizarre, to say the least, people in their circle that you’re not sure you’ll be able to stand for long.
• Inability to comprehend how they could even like someone as simple as you.
• Being such a fan of their work that you dread the possibility of it ending or drastically changing once with you.
• Wanting to express yourself as beautifully to them as they do to you and failing to (not necessarily bitter or resentful about it, though).
• Having the subtlest of signs noticed and hoping they won’t be misread or more disturbing than they ought to be.

Additionally, unless they've made it blatantly clear that you are their priority and their past is in the past, it could be confusing when they go over or bring back artwork that was made for and encapsulates their story with others, likely reconnecting with it too. And it is something to learn to be okay with because they cannot and should not give up their history and the artworks that came out of it.

This is not to discourage anyone from loving an artist, of course. Just things that happen (and must be discussed at some point). But totally worth it when they’re genuinely loving.

How Much do Facial Expressions Say?

Continuing with body language, there are also facial expressions. They can be considered part of body language but there’s an emphasis on them as they are usually a main focus when we interact with others or observe them. Thus, we can more readily notice and recognize the expressions and have at least a vague idea about what they signify.

Often, however, they are attributed moods and qualities that are not necessarily present, since facial expressions, and the magnitude of them, can wildly vary from one person to another. One person’s extremely happy face could be another’s barely pleased one. One person’s deep concentration face could be another’s quite displeased one. And so on. So it is important to take into account how a person, in particular, tends to express their thoughts and feelings through their facial expressions if we are to make educated guesses on what it’s going on inside of them.

Are they angry, sad, disgusted, confused, pensive, surprised, excited, happy? To what extent? Is it a mix? How are they usually by default?

Many, in their ordinary dealings, for one reason or another, valid or not, attempt to mask what is truly happening with them by simulating expressions. A task some masterfully succeed at while others miserably fail at. The acting is poor. Or it just doesn’t add up. In some cases, they might secretly wish someone would notice without being too terribly obvious about it.

Again, though, for optimal results in acting, don’t just change what is outwardly presented, change what is occurring inwardly and let that emanate. So that even muscles you didn’t know would operate would accordingly. And use this power for good, not for evil. Or for art.

On the other side of it, being able to grasp what facial expressions signify helps you be more considerate and sensitive to others’ states while exchanging with or contributing to them. Although you might not always get it right (and you could ask to be sure) or be able to respond properly to them (but maybe another time you will).

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

"IRL" vs "Online" Abuse

About “IRL” versus “Online” experiences... here’s a friendly reminder that they are interconnected, sometimes more than usual or than you’d believe, and affect each other.

Some people have these “lives” very separated so that they don’t touch each other as much. But other people have them very blended together (e.g. their RL work, family, and friends are online or accessible via online means). The latter becomes more of a thing as the world continues to rely and depend more on technology and the web. And in any case, even if you cannot directly affect the physical reality of someone, you can still significantly affect their mind and emotions (especially if they’re vulnerable) - which can consequently affect their physical reality. Not to mention, creeps are not as unlikely as one would like to believe and may creep as far as threatening your sense of safety for yourself and your loved ones (and yes, even invading your privacy). So while there’s still some distance, there’s still power that can be used and abused.

If you’ve experienced abuse right in your close surroundings, that is very likely worse if the person(s) exerting the abuse is just as cruel as someone who’d choose to torment someone via online means. However, it’d still be oversimplistic to dismiss “Online” experiences as not real enough simply because they happened online. Harassment is harassment regardless of where it takes place. If someone is being clearly and severely harmed by your actions and you continue to perform them, you do not get to claim you did no wrong because it happened while you were online and be correct about that.

This is a complex subject in which there are many rules and exceptions to all of them. Nevertheless, it helps to try to distinguish between when one is only having their ego offended and when one is suffering from crippling damage caused by malicious or disregarding individuals.

See also: What is abuse?

Supporting Victims of Abuse

Perhaps you haven’t experienced much abuse yourself but people you care about have and you would like to be supportive toward them. Here are some Dos and Don’ts:

Do:
• Let them know you care about them and want to support them. They might be reluctant to accept the offer, but just knowing that you care and that they have this option can ease them significantly.
• Remind them to take care of themselves, to put their needs and wants first. Their self-preservation instincts might be nearly non-existent if not just impaired.
• Insist (not obnoxiously) on being counted on. In case they didn’t hear you the previous times. In case they need and want your help but are afraid to ask for any reason.

Don’t:
• Assume they had it easy. You are not them. You don’t know how hard it was for them. Maybe you have little to no clue about the implications of the abuse they went through.
• Interrogate them. They’re probably still overwhelmed or exhausted, or maybe the wounds still hurt and reliving the experience is unbearable (if not just counterproductive). Instead, let them know you’ll listen if they ever wish to share more about it.
• Harshly lecture them. Sympathetic stories and lessons they can relate to and draw from can be relieving, but try not to be too preachy about their shortcomings.
• Say they should be grateful for this experience because it’ll make them stronger and wiser. More likely than not, this is not the time for this if they’re still struggling to recover. You can, however, acknowledge how sh*tty it was and then, when they’re more open to it, try to find some silver linings or to make some lemonade.
• Use their tragedy as an opportunity to prove yourself and/or show the world how charitable you are. Please don’t. Your why shapes your how.

Follow these suggestions along with some common sense and you’ll be on the right track to be a positive and constructive force in the lives of abuse victims. And remember, if you're trying to be supportive, the main point is for them to survive and recover from the abuse.

See also: What is abuse?

Recovering from Abuse

If you’ve been the victim of abuse, give yourself the chance to recover. Depending on the severity of it, it can go from being a short to a long process. However, watch out for unhealthy coping mechanisms; you won’t recover if you resign yourself to your misery and leave it to the passing of time to take care of it all - you have to be proactive in your healing process.

Were you surrounded by vicious people for too long? Go spend more time with saner ones. Were you kept from tending to your obligations? Catch up on them or at least on the ones that are still relevant. Were you kept from the hobbies that bring you joy and happiness? Make some room for them and pick them up once again. Were you disregarded in more ways? Don’t wait for others to give you the attention that you can give yourself! If you’re fortunate enough to have people that genuinely love you and that will gladly help you with this, fantastic! But don’t leave it all to them. Don’t turn into an abuser yourself.

Then how about your aspirations? Abuse might have been a huge setback (and incredibly discouraging), but once you’ve recovered enough, you can return to being your ambitious self. Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up over the waste that abuse caused. Make a promise to yourself to not let the same happen again if you can help it and, if possible, to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

See also: What is abuse?

How Much does Body Language Say?

Can we really hear more than what is being verbally said by studying body language? Yes. The body does express much, through both subtle and obvious cues. However, how accurate we can be when interpreting it is a whole other matter.

Intuitively and instinctively, you might be picking up both signs and their meanings, in and with context that could be elusive. Yet, you might not be able to trust and unpack what you’re absorbing through conscious knowledge. But something could still seem wrong, or right, or both. Perhaps simply off or just on point.

There certainly is much that can and does come through body language. And each and every single thing can be described and explained in detail. The problem arises when we attempt to “understand” it without really being capable of it and therefore reach erroneous conclusions. So should you even try to get into body language? Yes. But please be aware that you might be mistaken when attempting to get it.

In any case, though, aspiring to grasp at least enough of what body language usually communicates is especially advisable if it is relevant to the type of art that you make (or participate in). In any form of acting it is essential to at least be aware and familiar with the basics to incorporate them. How lacking would acting be otherwise?

Normally, it is best get into the shoes of what you’re representing rather than aiming to emulate external expressions while being void of internal processes that would naturally manifest them. But you can check to see what comes easiest for you. For some, it is like being possessed by a person or a state when they get to acting and the rest flows from that.

The more realistic the acting, the more subtleties in body language are present. And they may be overlooked by most, but noticed by those who pay attention. What are they saying when there are no words? How are words contradicting what they are saying without them? You might figure out the plot and get the spoilers upfront because of body language.

Then again, you might want to ask yourself if you’re reading too much into things. Maybe it’s just sloppy acting after all. Or those signs don’t mean what they seem.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Measures to keep Abuse Out of Your Life

You can’t always keep it all out, but you can take some measures to reduce it.

• Keep a healthy self-esteem. If you define self-esteem as a composition of self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-care, it is easy to see how lacking in this department opens the doors to abuse. If you do not have enough acceptance, respect, and care for yourself, you’re less inclined to trace and reinforce boundaries to protect yourself and to guarantee that you’re treated with dignity. For someone with little self-esteem, any small gesture can seem grand. Why? Because it is still more than they would expect, more than they believe they deserve or are worthy of. This makes you an easy target for abusers. A lot of them know that they can easily have you falling for them by the mere use of flattery (or any form of 'breadcrumbing'). And that’s not all, blaming you for everything also works (filling you with guilt, shame, and also 'gaslighting' you). And even if your self-esteem was initially okay, they may be insistent enough to lower it to the point where it’s not. So chin up and keep it steady. Work on having and maintaining bulletproof self-esteem.
• Be vocal and assertive. You are not a mere recipient for everyone else to crap on. If someone is mean and nasty to you, you can call them out on it. Maybe not right away, and maybe you’ll need to choose your words and tone wisely, but you’re not obligated to passively take in whatever others throw at you and roll with it for an eternity. You matter, too. And by standing up for yourself, you set the example for others and show them that they’re not powerless to stop abuse.
• Adopt a “Do no harm but take no sh*t” philosophy. Okay, not so literally, but it serves as a guideline. If you’re a quarrelsome person who starts fights for no good reason, you automatically hand others a free pass to do the same with you. So don’t do this to others and don’t allow it to be done to you by others either. Train and develop yourself to be able to not take offense (childish insults and wild accusations say more about who makes them than about you) and to defend yourself only when necessary.

These are merely starting points that can help turn things around. If you aren’t already covering these aspects and are, thus, “attracting” abuse into your life. Not to signify that it is your fault, but that you’re not helpless in such circumstances.

See also: What is abuse?

Steps to make it out of Abusive Situations

Every situation is unique and more complicated than words can encompass. Nevertheless, there are five fundamental steps that can be taken to make it out of abusive situations.

• Identify the situation you’re in. Unless you are aware of the situation you’re in, you won’t be able to consciously do much about it. See the ways in which it is abusive and to what extent. Consult experts to be more accurate.
• Decide that you’ve had enough of it. Be stubborn about it so that you can be determined to change it against the odds. Doubting and second-guessing can keep you stuck in the same place forever.
• Locate your exits. What doorways, metaphorically or literally speaking, lead you out of it to less abusive or abuse-free situations, to more favorable places? Which are within your reach?
• Determine your approach. What can you do to get there? Which problems require solving and which obstacles must be overcome? Are you all set or should you gather supplies? You might not be “completely ready,” but ready enough... is enough.
• Don’t let anything hold and pull you back. It is no surprise that abusers would rather you stay or that the situation remains the same. After all, as a victim of abuse, you likely give more than you take and a remorseless abuser would not like to lose that. Do not listen to senseless guilting and shaming. Ignore baseless claims that you won’t make it without them (or that they can't make it without you). Basically, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re obligated to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s selfish agenda when you don’t owe them that.

This being said, do not mistake a situation that is simply not what you prefer or what is most beneficial for you for a situation that is inherently abusive. The steps to make it out of them may be similar, but this distinction is important. Otherwise, among other things, you could lose credibility and goodwill.

See also: What is abuse?

The Far-Reaching Effects of Abuse

Depending on the type of abuse and the severity of it, there are several consequences. However, in general, there are a few far-reaching effects that are often the result of abuse. To list some of them, we have:

• Vulnerable state. When the abuse begins or increases beyond what you’re used to or prepared for, you may be caught off-guard on many levels. This is more the case if the abuse was specifically directed toward exploiting your weaker points and ultimately messing with you. You might have been stripped off what made you stable and secure. You might have been exhausted of your resources and/or blocked from gaining and accessing them and were left with little or nothing to support yourself with. You might feel exposed and at the mercy of violent forces that are out of your control.
• Loss of trust and trust issues. It is not unusual for abusers to come in disguise. Furthermore, it is not unusual for them to be VERY skilled at acting as though they’re trustworthy allies. If you were taken advantage of by somebody like this, it becomes more difficult to trust them and others again. You may have learned for the first time that people aren’t always as nice as they’d seem and you don’t want to risk going through the same again - not with them and not with anybody else. To some extent, it is simply a part of maturing to realize that it is not wise to trust everybody too soon. However, without the ability to trust others, we lose the opportunity to form meaningful relationships and instead corner ourselves, staring at a scary world that we cannot discern.
• Normalization of abuse. It can become a way of living and pass off as “normal.” Maybe it has been going on for so long that it now seems normal. Maybe so many people joined into it that it seems normal. Maybe the same can be found in so many other places that it seems normal. Maybe, technically, it is “normal.” Nevertheless, how “normal” something is, doesn’t necessarily make it worth adapting to and enduring.
• Adjusting to and becoming abusive. “If you can’t beat them, join them.” Naturally, for the sake of survival, we evolve. But into what? It is said that it’s not uncommon for victims of abuse to grow into abusers themselves for they didn’t learn any better and believe that they are stronger for this. At least they’re no longer the victim, no? It is this or somehow managing to instead go another way, doing all in their power to not allow this to continue.
• Distorted worldviews. Abuse is confusing. And some types of abuse can be particularly confusing and designed for this exact purpose; there’s not much you can accomplish when you’re disoriented - when you can’t tell true from false, right from wrong. If you have been severely abused, chances are your mental and emotional states are out of equilibrium. There’s also the chance that you were led to believe whatever was most convenient for the abuser that you believe, no matter how nonsensical. It can take a long time for you to be able to again grasp reality as it truly is, even if you knew it well before the abuse began.

The good news is that all of these can be remedied with proper and sufficient care. The bad news is that it is unfortunate that anyone would have to go through this and spend so much of their lives caught up in it.

See also: What is abuse?

Looking Back, Something was Missing...

Even though it’s too late, spilling my heart just to get it off my chest…

Y’all wouldn’t believe how much of a weirdo I was growing up. I WAS SO OBSESSED WITH MUSIC. I have been singing and dancing since I first could, at home, and then joined classes/teams as soon as I had the chance, at school. I was doing songwriting before I wrote anything else, too.

It was so lonely, though. I could never quite find somebody who was as into it as I was. I imagine what it would have been like if I had met then a person who’d enjoy dancing and singing like I did and was willing to give it their all. It would have been glorious even if we didn’t get anywhere with it. We would have listened to Blink 182 and other bands together too, as my emo “phase” began. And I wouldn't have been so down about how I could never see a girl who looked more like me in the music videos that spoke about love...

Cancer's Description

♋ CANCER

Cancer, the fourth sign, is a water and cardinal sign. Known for its nurturing nature, Cancer is affectionate and protective of loved ones. This sign is often associated with caregiving and homemaking, inclined to provide and maintain a favorable space or atmosphere for itself, close ones, or others in general. Its shell may be shielding it from the harsh realities of the world. Yet, beneath this exterior lies a soft and vulnerable heart, yearning for connection and belonging.

Spiritually, Cancer represents the journey of the soul toward safety and inner peace. It teaches us the importance of taking care of ourselves and others and being able to do so away from danger.

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Top Beauty Tip

I ought to let you know that, in my not-so-humble opinion, the best that you can do for your appearance is to tend to your well-being.

- Wash thoroughly.

- Get proper rest.

- Have nutritious meals.

- Keep yourself active.

- And limit your consumption, engagement and participation with anything stressful, overwhelming, and/or exhausting (yes, even if they're people and places you don't always hate).

While I'm not against makeup or surgery in certain cases, it is still best to tend to the above first instead.

Furthermore, treat yourself to anything that gives you peace or joy that isn't harmful! It greatly helps your natural glow.

In Which Colors do you Look Your Best?

Did you know that you have a palette? Shocker. No, really, this fact can be overlooked. That based on the color of your skin, your hair, your eyes, and your lips, the colors that you wear may or may not go with you. They may enhance your features or detract from them. They can make you come alive - or not. Not really a matter of life or death, but worth knowing.

If you wish to engulf yourself in colors that go with you, you could guide yourself with color theory and the color wheel, looking for the same, similar, adjacent, or complementary colors to your palette. However, there are other ways to go around it.

A color system for this purpose has become popular lately. It is a system that determines which season of the year you "are". Spring, summer, autumn, or winter. As palettes, they all essentially contain the colors that are most prominent during such season in nature. For example, winter has black, white, and blue. And if you are what is considered a winter, put simply, then these colors would go with you.

Furthermore, there is the issue of metals. Are you gold or silver? Put on accessories and see what stands out as most flattering to you.

And last but not least. Are you low contrast or high contrast? How much contrast is there between the colors that make the totality of you? If you are low contrast, putting on colors that have low contrast between each other would go with you. If you are high contrast, then colors with high contrast.

It shouldn't limit you if you'd rather not play by these rules or break them, but it's useful to be aware of when you're swimming against the current or riding a wave.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Recognizing if you’re being Abused

Avoid playing the victim and victim blaming! This is serious and to be treated with honesty. It might be tempting to pretend to be abused to not be held accountable for your actions or lack thereof. Likewise, it might be tempting to blame a real victim of abuse for their misfortune. Both of these are gravely irresponsible, so own up to what is truly going on. Here’s what you can do:

• Check yourself. Are you bending over backward to fulfill and satisfy others at your own expense? Are you putting up with more than you signed up for or deserve as a human being worthy of basic respect and acknowledgment? Are your needs and wants last or secondary to others’ more egotistic desires? Have you made your (reasonably set) limits evident to others and you’re still being pushed past them?
• Check for motivations and intentions. You may not be able to read minds and hearts, but there are times when these are relatively obvious if only we bother to pay attention. Do not assume. Do not expect the worst for no reason at all. Remain as objective as you can and, if it is a viable option, gather input directly from the source (this is not a good idea if the person is dangerous or would put you in danger in some way). “Was it your intention to push me this far? If that’s so, why?” Look at their response with some amount of skepticism. Are they trying hard to make wrongs seem right when they clearly aren’t, defending abusive behavior? Are they attempting to laugh and brush it off to dodge the questions? Are they genuinely pained that you’d think they were willing to mistreat you because they are doing what they can to treat you well or are they just offended because you could see through the facade they believed was so perfectly put together? Do they not make any significant effort to correct themselves even though there’s much to correct? If you cannot ask them directly, don’t ignore the red flags. Actively and continually going past your comfort levels to the point where you’re unable to function properly does show a lack of consideration. Be lucid in finding the answers to what their motivations and intentions are; accusing others of being ill-meaning is not to be taken lightly.
• Check the alternatives. Are there ways life could be easier and kinder for you without being overindulgent? Would you be able to perform better under other circumstances? What would be more just for you?

You might not like what you figure out upon exploring these aspects of your reality. And unfortunately, many forms of abuse are ingrained and accepted in today’s world - and there’s not much we can do about it. It’s not guaranteed that you’ll be able to be completely free of abuse, but you can reduce as much of it as it’s possible for you. Again, I’ll stress the importance of being honest with yourself about this because things aren’t as simple as pointing fingers and claiming abuse. Playing the victim (when you’re not) can also be a form of abuse. And so can victim blaming, whether it’s you who’s the victim and you’re taking the blame (abusing yourself) or it’s somebody else. Do not rush your interpretations for there’s much to factor in to reach suitable conclusions. 

For further guidance, look for other available information on this issue - many abuse survivors and professionals have freely shared their findings.

See also: What is abuse?

Recognizing if you’re being Abusive

Clearly, I can’t convince remorseless abusers to stop the abuse they so badly crave to do and perhaps immensely benefit from. However, if you’re looking to change your ways so that you don’t do more harm than you ought to, recognizing if you’re being abusive is a place to start. Here’s what you can do:

• Check for how okay others are with your actions. I don’t mean being a people pleaser (this could invite abuse toward you). What I mean is: Were your actions hurtful? And if so, was this necessary? Like when we sometimes must endure some pain in order to heal or improve? Or like when it’s just the way things go and there’s not much that can be done about it? And I repeat: Was this necessary? Do not try to falsely excuse and justify poor or cruel behavior but do not let others shape you to their whims either.
• Check how balanced and fair your giving-and-taking dynamics are. No, it’s not about always keeping score and expecting reciprocity (this can turn into abuse, too). It is more complex than that. Nevertheless, at least noticing how much you’re taking from others in relation to how much you’re giving back (of value) can give you an idea of when too much is too much. Caution: Do not fall for tricks designed to make you feel indebted to others when you can’t afford it. Any truly generous person would give without expecting in return unless they themselves are in need and/or do not have much to give. In which case, it is likely best to be transparent about it and make the exchanges a deal and a balanced and fair trade.
• Check yourself. Are you excessively greedy and insensitive? How’s your self-control? And how about your conscience? If you’re unable to empathize and sympathize with others’ genuine suffering, are you still able to draw a line and decide not to cross it for their sake? You are not obligated to become a martyr, sacrificing yourself for others, but you can form your character in such a manner that it is not abusive.

Changes won’t happen overnight and you ought to want to make them happen for them to happen. There might be many trials and errors as well as relapses. Keep going. Some will notice and thank you and some will not (and they might not owe it to you). But keep going.

See also: What is abuse?

What is Abuse?

‘Abuse’ may be a strong word to use, which is why some of us can be reluctant to use it despite it being merited. Whereas, some others might use it too freely and judge any situation that upsets and tires them as abusive. So let’s try to be clear about what abuse is and isn’t.

Everyone and everything has a certain degree of capacity and potential at a given time and place. Going beyond this, demanding and/or imposing more on them, does indeed count as abuse. It is not incorrect to say that, technically, a person is abusing a machine if they are making it perform past the point where it is safe for it - where it is at risk of breaking down, doing what is not meant to or built for. Pretty much the same when it comes to living beings; there are certain things that they cannot handle well, if at all, and it would be abusive to force them to for it seriously threatens their well-being.

Now, you might be thinking, “What oversensitive, useless way to be! Life ain’t fair! Everyone faces hardship and struggles! Refusing to work under pressure is just immature and conceited!” If these are your thoughts, consider this: It is one thing to challenge ourselves to grow and it is another to destroy ourselves and therefore hinder our growth.

There are differences between accidental abuse that happens because one or neither knew their limits and deliberate abuse that happens due to disregard for the health of the abused. Furthermore, there’s abuse that’s light and can be easily and quickly mended and abuse that’s severe and may take years to fully recover from (if it is even possible to). And of course, all that’s in between.

Something that a lot of people fail to realize is that you can’t measure abuse by the actions alone - you have to take into account what impact and effects they have to be able to tell whether they’re abusive or not. This is why, often, victims of abuse have their experiences minimized by those who would have been able to take them without as much damage. And in contrast, this is also why some of the things that others ‘put up with’ seem worse than they really are for those involved. In other words, what would be detrimental to one subject, may not be for another.

More often than not, it is not appropriate to say, “You’re just being whiny! I’d be fine with it if it happened to me!” Maybe this is the case as, yes, there truly are whiners in the world that complain of having to lift a finger when they can very well do that and more, but perhaps you should take the time to consider that their complaints might be valid. And if so, a more helpful response would be to ask, “What do you think we could do about that, then, so that you’ll be doing better?”

These days, abuse is frequently overlooked because:
A) The abused does not recognize or admits the abuse and does not present obvious signs that it is happening. The few visible abusive actions seem benign instead of abusive.
B) Those surrounding the abused dismiss their calls for help as selfish cries for attention they are not obligated to respond to. It might be easier to assume that they are lying and/or overreacting (as manipulative and/or overentitled folks frequently do) than to actually make the effort to tend to them.
Therefore, unless you pay enough attention, you might not see it.

Asking the question “Are you okay?” may come in handy for yourself and for others IF answered truthfully.

From "Ugly Duckling" to "Beautiful Swan"

As someone who has lived as what's considered ugly and as what's considered beautiful, I am compelled to let you know that I had better luck in love (or, well, in actually having loving relationships), when I was what, at most, would be rated a 5/10.

I didn't have as many people pretending to be something they're not to get my attention and have me invested in them. It may seem flattering, but it gets old fast and becomes burdensome instead (if not nightmarish). Maybe it wouldn't be so much if I capitalized on it, but I don't. So what I'm left with is just a frustrating and draining experience. And that's more the case if you're inherently, or through early adaptation, someone who prefers to have immense love from a single person than being desirable by a high number of people (most of which probably don't even see you for you).

Do I have "pretty privilege"? I'm not sure to what extent but, for me, the best I'm getting out of it is simply not being constantly harrassed about not being pretty enough. At what cost, though. At what cost...

As someone who wasn't visually appealing, I used to only happen to end up talking with someone and they'd find out, "Oh, you're actually quite interesting and nice to be around." And either a friendship or something more would be born out of that that was at least genuine.

But when you're visually appealing? Love bombers. Love bombers everywhere. Beware.

What is Your Type of Look?

It is not impossible for one person to be able to embody a wide range of looks, and look natural while doing so! However, you may find that, in your case, your default would be somewhere between intense, stoic, and tender. This may be because of both your physique and your spirit. Both of which could change, subtly or drastically, over the years. You may also be talented and/or skilled at switching from one to another - via mindset and/or makeup.

In any case, knowing what comes most naturally to you can help you show up in your element. Where it doesn’t look forced or as if you’re wearing some sort of costume that misses the mark. Though that can be fun, too! And it can also be stretched forward in a way that comes out authentic rather than faked. But ultimately, there would be a point where you’re at the most ease, whether all your life or during a period of it.

So, given these categories, where do you fall into? Intense, stoic, or tender?

• Intense people are passionate and focused. They can show impatience and be all-or-nothing.

• Stoic people are practical and efficient. They can show moderation and be sensible.

• Tender people are gentle and accommodating. They can show patience and be graceful.

This reflects in their postures, their gestures, and overall, their expressions. So what they wear, how they accessorize, and anything else that they put on would match or mismatch that. And you can certainly go for either regardless. Sometimes a mismatch is exactly the intended result and it somehow works with what you’re going for! But that’s a choice that you can consciously make.

Typically, bold choices suit those who are mainly intense. Pragmatic choices suit those who are mainly stoic. And delicate choices suit those who are mainly tender. Nevertheless, as a complex human being, you can mix it up for combinations that most accurately represent you (or your character) as a whole. You can go all the way in one category or come up with a composition containing more than one.

For better and for worse, how you show up influences how everything around you responds. Attracting and repelling, bringing out the best or the worst in others. So it’ll be a matter of what and how much you can handle, too. Nevertheless, don’t cease to exist.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Living Life on Your Own Terms

Let’s say you’ve gained your freedom. Your life is yours. What now? It is not all sunshine and rainbows.

When you’re living life on your own terms you are responsible for all your decisions. There is no more blaming somebody else for what you did or didn’t do. You are the captain of your ship. Not tradition, not routine, not habits. You decide where, how, and why it goes. Your successes are yours, but so are your failures. You can still receive guidance and other forms of contributions in your life, but ultimately, you have the last say. And you will have to live with the mistakes you make and the regrets they cause.

So, contrary to what it may seem to many, when you have the freedom to do about anything, you also carry with you the enormous burden of being responsible for your destiny. So, paradoxically, you’re not really that free. Is that something that you can do? Honestly, it is not for everyone.

If you are someone who is genuinely concerned with blending in and reaching conventional milestones, because that is how you roll and you thrive that way, joyously so, there’s no point in trying to steer far from that. However, if that does little for you or it is even suffocating, then you probably yearn for more autonomy - and rightly so.

Are you discouraged yet? If you are, you can take it as a sign. Maybe it is not for you, or maybe you’re just not in an optimal state for it at the moment. But if it sounds like a small price to pay, then you might have been born to be a free spirit.

Radical Life Changes

Radically changing your life is an act of courage (or it got so bad that not doing so is no longer an option).

It has a lot to do with your threshold for change. Is change stimulating and invigorating to you? So much that you easily crave and go for it? Or are you more someone who enjoys being settled, and once settled, it is very difficult to see change as tempting and desirable - even if you’re miserable? Or somewhere in between. Furthermore, it has plenty to do with how much is at stake. What do you have to gain and what do you have to lose?

When it gets to a point where it looks as though it could only be better and what you presently have is already unbearable, making a change not only becomes a calling but also a push. However, we may be disoriented and unable to tell exactly what direction to take - which can end badly. So it is extremely important to set yourself up for solutions rather than distractions or, god forbid, destruction.

If you were given the chance to be reborn, letting go of some things and bringing with you some others, what kind of life would like to have? Is that a life that would please you? Would it bring you closer to your aspirations? Is it ultimately worthwhile? Visualizing what is or could be next, also breaking it down on paper, can help you determine what should be done. But beware that the future is never completely guaranteed. It is something of a risk. Although, it is more about opening yourself up to opportunities that you are much less likely to have if you remain stuck in the same old. Or to merely have the freedom to choose from then on.

It can indeed be stressful and overwhelming, terrifying too. Adapting and evolving to go through and fit into different situations can take time and other resources. It is understandable why stagnation is so commonplace. You might not feel and/or think yourself prepared and capable of handling all of it. And you might have to take a leap of faith, lest you continue to forever dwelling on how suited you are.

For some, charging forward and figuring it out afterward is what works best for them. For others, figuring it out as they go. And for the rest, figuring it out beforehand and then taking it on. Which category do you most fall into? Whichever it is, it is not barred from achieving it.

The question is: Do you need and want to radically change your life? And if so, are you willing to do what it takes?

Is your Life Lifeless?

Have you been dying a slow death or gone through one or more abrupt ones? Is it as if you’re gone despite the fact that you’re still there? You go through the motions, do what you must do (or manage to do), but there is little to no fire left in you. You may believe that you are simply getting old and that it is normal to be this way but, while it is indeed common, it isn’t such a requisite.

What happens usually is that we let things get the best of us. The more we go through life, the more we are likely to encounter such things. Things that block, detour, exhaust, deteriorate, or even extract from us. Until life isn’t quite our own anymore, though it may still seem that way.

If it’s not poor habits and detrimental circumstances that are physically harming you, you should look into what is harming your spirit. And by spirit, I am referring to what moves you and keeps you going beyond what you are forced to do or believe you are. That which can fuel you with enthusiasm, devotion, and fulfillment that is in line with you. Not obligations and measures that aren’t born out of conviction. Instead, that which makes you come alive.

Unfortunately, some may have been lost or transformed forever, but much might still be possible to reincorporate and/or revive. And it’s worth a try.

Accidentally Came Out of The Closet

I never had a big coming out of the closet moment. More like just casually bringing up that, since the day I could begin questioning this stuff, it made sense to me that if I had a “love of my life”, I would not care what body they came in (or transitioned to). And that shows one of the ways in which the LGBT+ movement hasn’t failed. It is now safer for more of us to admit something like that.

Happy... Pride Month?

Starting to get into summer but, besides that, it is also Pride month!

As some of you may already know, I’ve been an LGBT+ ally for decades and also considered myself a part of it even if only as a queer individual. So I’ve seen plenty of how the movement has been taking effect - for better and for worse.

I’ll always stand for the liberty to find and express yourself as you truly are and that love is love. But it often looks like, nowadays, these points are missed. To such an extent that LGBT+ folks are beginning to “prove right” everyone who adamantly opposed it at first by seemingly drawing faulty arguments. Some of you don’t know when enough is enough or don’t keep yourself from taking and twisting things to use as excuses and justifications for being lousy or even vile people. I do not support this.

I believe I am immune to any accusation that I might be homophobic or transphobic, or anything like that, when I disagree with anything coming from somebody who identifies as LGBT+, for I’m too clear on where I stand and that’s clearly not the case, so I can easily speak out my thoughts and feelings on all of this. I’m only anti hurting the cause, yourself, and/or others because you can’t be bothered to do better and assume everything should bend to your whims, nonsensical as they may be.

I’d very much like you to be colorful and show those wonderful colors as you crave. But there are times when we must check ourselves and ask if we’re being as reasonable and compassionate as we claim to be or just rushing and latching onto ideologies that are becoming dogmatic - which was the very thing we were fighting against.

We’ve had it rough, there’s no denying that, and we deserve some accommodation and leeway over that fact. But beware you don’t turn into the same kind of monsters that tormented us.

Human nature is complex and so is coexisting in life, with people and in the world. One common mistake I encounter is treating any of this as if it were simple. You do have to reflect - both deeply and broadly - if you are be accurate and correct in your opinions. Consider relevant factors, make room for nuance. And if you can’t do that, at least join the conversation from a place of being open to learning, discussing and clarifying.

I applaud those addressing these issues with the intent of helping make it better and I’ll contribute to it and to them how and when I can - without any self-sacrifice involved as I already did my share of that.

So, with that said, have a happy Pride month! 🏳️‍🌈

Rocking Your Look

Nothing wrong with adorning and altering your appearance if you’re into that. But it may indeed get to a point where you should ask yourself if you’re doing yourself a disservice by covering and removing features that you could instead embrace or even pronounce. Features that make you unique and possibly irreplaceable.

Often, we get carried away by trends and what the current standards are. And while they can indeed be considered and integrated into our choices (and it can be fun to do), I wouldn’t advise letting them overrule everything - especially if you’re the kind of person who’d rather do their own thing.

What is considered pretty or cool can wildly vary depending on the culture. Conditioning and programming, yes. But also how values are set in a person’s value system. You could argue that there are objective rules for what can be called beautiful or impressive, based on symmetry, proportion, and more. However, it will still ultimately be a subjective judgment.

This being the case, you have a say in how you’re perceived by bringing to it your own values. In other words, if you believe that you’re the bomb, it will be easier for others to see you as that too. It doesn’t necessarily have to come through as a loud statement, it can be a quiet knowing as well. Being accepting of yourself and secure in that. Beware, though, that this could result in magnetism that is also polarizing - and all that this entails.

Inhibitions and apprehension can indeed be adorable and have their own charm to them, relatable and validating to some and enticing in certain contexts, but do little for or work against making your look A Look. Unless people on the other end can have their own criteria, they would be swayed by your discomfort to wonder what is wrong about you and search for what would confirm that bias. And even strong-minded individuals could cave in to do the same if you're persistently doubtful or even negative.

If you are concerned about crossing the line between being confident and being delusional, then you can always practice being honest (not harsh) with yourself and evaluating yourself accordingly. What do you genuinely appreciate? What have you come to terms with? What could you fix or improve?

The world would be very boring (and bizarre) if we all looked the same. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can be unshaken by what is only passing through.

CREDIT: AI-Generated Examples done on Leonardo.AI

Another Summer

Another summer arrives…
Beaches, sandcastles, popsicles, and soda.
With the sun at its brightest and its rays hitting intensely,
don’t forget to stay hydrated and be refreshed.
Give yourself a break under the shades so you won’t burn or burn out.

Taking Nail Polish Meaningfully

I said I’d speak of this and it’s been a long time since then. But I still have things to say that I can't just brush away! (I won’t get to say it all on the topic yet, however.)

Being how I am, I could just paint my nails black all the time, and most of the time I do, but that can get depressing or simply dull (no offense to those who can stick with it for longer without issue, I can’t). Or I could keep within the red hues I’m used to and not have much else going on, which is not ideal. So, for real, unironically, I absolutely love that nowadays there is such a wide collection of livelier colors and even lovely embellishments in and for them. It gets so whimsical and sparkly! And it can definitely make my day better to have them on. You’d assume I look down on nail polish? Never! It is far from frivolous to me. It is magical.

That said, I got this set to go with the seasons and I’m so glad I did. Only for three of them, though. A combination for each. Please excuse me while I go off about meanings that I have personally attached to them.

• The 1st. Spring.
This season has come to pass and it was messier than I hoped. I stretched myself thin and was all over the place. Missed out on sharing in spring as much as I would have liked to. But I’m here. Won’t lose me so easily. It was a temporary chaos. One I’m barely coming back from but ultimately am. I wish I could have been around more, but I was consumed (and so irritable that a time off was required). Indeed, as disastrous as the respective combination of nail polish, flowery peach, turned up on me. Expected a beautifully blooming garden, reality gave me plants aggressively breaking out of the concrete instead.

• The 2nd. Summer.
For this one, I thought of the ocean. Water is often associated with feelings. How shallow or deep they are. How still or unstill it is. There’s the saying that still waters run deep. But you can have crashing waves in the deepest oceans too. For me, it’s like whether or not there is any visible motion on the surface, you can count on plenty of water being underneath. At least when it comes to what I love. When it comes to it, it has often worried me that it isn’t coming across to another and that they’d prefer to actively surf instead. That or they, unfortunately, come during a period of drought or after it has been completely poured elsewhere, so you’d have to excavate to find water or be the one pouring it in for there to be any. The scenarios can be sad. The overflowing of tears is yet another way in which water is linked with feeling. But I try not to drown others when I’m drowning, so you don’t hear the full extent of it. This nail polish combination is full of meaning to me, though it’s just shimmering blue.

• The 3rd. Autumn.
Starry purple. Where do I even begin with this? I wish I could claim clairvoyance or the ability to see the future in a crystal ball, but I’m only a play-pretend witch and can only test my luck, when things aren’t working out, to then know better in hindsight. And I’m definitely NOT a mind reader, so in certain instances, I practically beg for clear communication instead of mystery - as delightfully intriguing as it might be - or dreadful confusion. But hey, it’s autumn, where you go in, through mist and darkness, potentially fed up with the monsters, and find out. There are secrets to keep secret, and matters best kept private - especially while evil lurks. Though truths have a tendency to come out sooner or later, in one way or another. It’s a… complex season, to say the least. Also, If I’m put in a coffin and buried alive, I’d kick and scream for a while and then give up and accept my fate. Die a slow but quiet (yet frustrating) death as I go over and ponder everything. But I digress.

Crazy to connect this much to a selection of nail polish, but that’s how I’m rolling with these. Probably more will come up as I continue to wear them, in or out of their assigned season...