Unfaltering Self-Acceptance

“Love yourself.” Yes, but there’s more to it. How do you go about it? Are you supposed to ignore and excuse all your faults and shortcomings or should you be interpreting this differently?

Turns out, it is hard and difficult to “love yourself” when there are things about you that you legitimately do not like and will not sincerely like no matter how much you attempt to. And that’s okay, because some of our traits do not define us. They are there temporarily and maybe they are merely situational. Something you’re meant to shed at some point. And doing so would reveal more of who you truly are or even take you closer to the best version of you.

So self-acceptance, in this case, isn’t about staying where you are exactly as you are. It is about facing yourself, coming to terms with what is in front of you right at this moment, and allowing it to exist without denial unless or until you can move past it.

When you take yourself as you are, you accept that you have a history; a past that led you to this present and a future that you have a hand in shaping. How strict or indulgent you are from there is up to you. Yet, there is quite a wide range that remains within what is reasonable and what you can fully, without any lies or delusions, embrace.

You would have to take into account your limits. How far can you go without it being of any harm or risk to yourself? Furthermore, how far can you go while still being authentically you, in touch with and connected to your core and the essence of who you are, rather than putting it on hold to fabricate a different persona? You would also have to take into account your taste. What do you genuinely prefer? What is a reflection of your own style? What are your vibes? How do you let your unique Self shine through?

Being regretful, filled with shame and guilt, about choices that you’ve made is to be expected. You will have to work through those too. Remember that it all went down as it went because that’s what it all came to. But does it have to be repeated or can (and will) you choose differently next time?

And speaking of being the total of the sum of everything... Comparisons with others are useless and bound to be counterproductive unless they’re for reference and inspiration to further achieve what suits you, not for basing your personal worth on. Getting discouraged and looking down on yourself isn’t going to help you.

Take it in chunks or in bits. See what you are keeping and what you are getting rid of. Where you currently are isn’t as important as where you’re heading. Once you set yourself on that frame, you’ll have little to no trouble handling imperfections and “imperfections”.

Cancer's Season

♋ CANCER

As we enter the season of Cancer, it is believed that the universe will be affecting us with energies that will cause us to reflect deeply and nurture ties. We will be more in tune with our emotions, and abilities to care and empathize will be enhanced. If you are receptive to them, you might be imbued with warmth and sheltering. If you are resistant to them, you might be conflicted with moodiness and emotional overwhelm. If you are completely blocked out, you might not notice them at all. And if you don't pay enough attention, you might miss opportunities for healing and closeness.

Motivational Quote: "Home is where the heart is."

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Who's at Your Lowest & Who's at Your Highest?

Be careful who you assume is there for you. It is not always so obvious. And even what is ‘evident’ could be deceiving.

There’s a common misconception that who’s there at your lowest is a real, ride-or-die friend. And there’s another common misconception that who’s there at your highest is a false, fair-weather friend. And while it is often the case, it isn’t so simple and you might be in for quite the unpleasant surprise.

The friend you should be looking for, or appreciating if you’ve already found them, is the sort that accompanies you at your lowest and celebrates you at your highest. Someone who is there for you in the ups and downs. Not necessarily all through it, or too closely tagging along, but one who allows you either and lends a hand whenever possible. With genuine solidarity, whether or not they expect reciprocity.

It is not so unusual that a person is only capable of being either at one or the other. Someone who is there at your lowest, looking like your tight buddy, only to resent you and even sabotage you if you ever dare to reach and be higher. Likewise, someone who is there at your highest, looking like your hype squad, only to abandon and even deny you when things don’t go in your favor anymore.

People who want you to remain at your lowest do benefit from you being there. You might believe that you are no more than a burden under those circumstances, but that, too, works for them. For starters, you are not a threat to them. They won’t see you as competition. They are superior when they are next to you. They get to be seen as noble and charitable. And if they do help you, then you’ll owe them. Some of them specifically target those who tend to be extra grateful, knowing that what little they do will be multiplied and given back tenfold.

Alternatively, people who want you to remain at your highest benefit more visibly. And unlike the former, they don’t have to put a lot of effort into pretending to be a helper, given that you don’t need so much help. They can just shower you with flattery and applause. Do one or two things here and there to suggest that there’s more substance to them. Lie and promise that there is and will be more to it if suspected or questioned. All the while, basking in all that the proximity to your success grants them. Feigning joy for you and your well-being is easy when they’re genuinely joyful for themselves and the well-being you bring them.

Fabricating scenarios to test others isn’t okay, but you should definitely, when given the chance, pay attention to who is or isn’t there when low or high - and why. Maybe your seemingly ride-or-die friend prefers you in misery. And maybe the seemingly fair-weather friend wished they could be with you at your lowest but legitimately couldn’t (or shouldn’t).

The Vulnerability of Being Exposed

Inhibitions, inhibitions, inhibitions. They’re there for a reason - or several. Should they be kept? Or should they be let go of? That’s something to look closely into.

In a way, they guard us. Behind an inhibition is likely an area that has, in some form, been wounded before. Or perhaps, simply an area that, upon witnessing attacks to the same or similar, we assume (possibly correctly so) they’re at risk as well. More generally, it could be that we know, sense, or worry we’re around or surrendered by the kind of people who would not be so gentle with us. Maybe we grew up in an environment that made it the norm, so it is now a pervasive fear that we can hardly shut off.

There are instances in which it is completely rational to be inhibited and instances in which it is not. If we are vulnerable to being wounded, that’s enough reason to have our guards up. At least for as long as we’re thin-skinned rather than thick-skinned about a matter.

They say that callouses and scar tissue are stronger than regular skin, and there’s truth to that. However, there’s only so much that you can take without willingly becoming a human sacrifice to entertain the vices of others. So if you wish to be reserved, then be. And if you can handle being exposed, not losing much by it or even gaining in return for it, then that’s your choice to make too.

Nevertheless, it is important to know that, oftentimes, what makes us vulnerable and prone to being wounded is no more than our own beliefs and attitudes in regards to something. How you look at it. Would you be agreeing with negative and destructive feelings and thoughts or would you be disagreeing, and dismissive of them? When somebody harshly criticizes you, do you give their views and opinions weight or are they irrelevant or even mistaken as far as you're concerned? Are you accepting enough of yourself that you would instead see them as too narrow-minded and judgmental?

Regardless, it can sting, and it can indeed get under your skin (especially when done repeatedly). When that happens, you may have to go through it and draw out the poison before it spreads and is further internalized. Being patient, caring, and sincere with yourself can be your remedy. Treat it with the tenderness that the other person failed to.

"IYKYK"

Are you in or are you out? The inside jokes, the references, and the (quite unbelievable) lore that makes it possible, with its origins back in who-knows-when. If you know, you know. And if you don’t, do you REALLY want to know? Once you go down the rabbit hole, you might never be the same. It’s all fun and games until it’s not. Not for the faint of heart. Maddening, to say the least. More than a hobby, an obsession.

New Module: Egg Hunt

Last but not least, another new module has been incorporated! It’s been long overdue, but it’s finally here. I know it, you know it, we know it, they know it. Whether it’s easter or not, artists love easter eggs. Both hiding and hunting for them is certainly a thing.

So here it is! On the right side column, just between the special dates and the psyche.

They Show Up Like They're The Best

But they aren’t.

As if absolutely desperate, restlessly so, for your attention, there are people who will jump through hoops, pull insane gymnastics, and attempt to defy the rules of physics to get what they want from you. They could have asked politely, discussed a fair deal, come to an arrangement, and commit to it or back out (and try again elsewhere). But it’s as if they’ve somehow learned that, by constantly scamming and/or actively spamming others, they get their way - and that’s all that matters to them.

These are the type of people who will emulate the most outstanding and desirable traits and qualities that can be found in a person. So much that, because they are eventually found out, these turn into "red flags" to watch out for. The “too good to be true” kind. So not only do they mess with those that they target, they also ruin it for the few that are genuine and come with substance.

Consideration for your wants, your needs, or even your limits is nearly or even completely nonexistent unless it is stitching, patching, and holding up the illusion while they would still bother with it. And that’s usually what ultimately gives them away.

But how to filter them out sooner rather than later? How to figure them out early enough? They change and evolve so, if we’re trying to be precise and accurate rather than overly dismissive (or permissive), we gotta be on the lookout for how they move - whether directly, by observing and probing them, or indirectly, by studying known patterns that are likely to come up. 

If you have trouble wrapping your head around what they do, though, chances are that they're so unrelatable to you that you cannot easily make sense of them. And, albeit a pitfall, that's good news.

New Module: Beware

Yet another new module has been incorporated! It’s the heavy stuff. But oh-so-relevant nonetheless. Matters related to scamming and spamming are sprayed and scattered around on different types of content throughout the site (and will continue to be), but some issues must be addressed intensely in one place. ‘Cause no, you won’t be safe even while staying on your lane. And these can be major setbacks.

So here it is! On the left side column, just before the types of people you will encounter.

I'm One Of You, Queers

I’m here for you, buddies.

I won’t agree and roll with everything that the movement brings, but I’ve been for the cause since the early 90s. And if I’m gonna be judging anything, it’d be the same stuff I’d judge anyone and everyone for. (If you know what I mean.)

Let’s stay bold, sharp, and colorful!

New Module: Queer

And another new module has been incorporated! Just as I am out of the closet, so should this section be. Giving more visibility to my queer-related content now. I’d very much like to show my support as an ally and as one of us.

So here it is! On the left side column, just after everything else.