"Botando el Golpe"

I'm so 'traumatized' by this decade's let-downs that I'm now wondering if some off-the-wall, unbelievably wild, occurrence will interfere with plans to have a good time, even with someone who has never in their entire life said, "I'll take a plane/bus/car there so we can hang out!" and not shown up. Something might happen, indeed, because it's life, but... Tsk, tsk. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves.

Same but Worse

August 16th, 2015. A reflective post. Looking around, I am compelled to add the disclaimer that, "Hell, no, not to this extent it ain't my favorite." But here we are. In the middle of deeply catalytic events. Somebody asked for more witchyness? 

Off Forever?

I’ve been mulling this over and seem to have finally reached a conclusion I can stand on. It’s no news that I can’t do fake-politeness and pretend at fondness and such. But it also looks like I cannot overstate just how fundamental it is for me to be able to have trust and faith in those I surround myself with. I can only go on for so long believing, “Hey, this person has done this and that, so maybe they’re great and I’m safe with them.” There comes a point where there’s just not enough or nothing there for me to justify or even make sense of my involvement with them. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll cut them out in every sense, but hanging out with them will no longer be. And in some cases, it’s like it’s what they were manifesting anyway. I could subject myself to the torture of continuing this nonsense, but I’d much rather not. And fortunately, there’s not a financial reason for me to be obligated to. Yet, despite how bitter all this may sound, I’ll still (joyfully whenever possible) be doing my work, which may benefit both those I can consider close and those I do not. Furthermore, as always, credit where credit is due, regardless of what’s personally in between, when the time comes, and unless anonymity is preferred. But for the rest of the time? I’m too much of a recluse to deal with any more of this BS. Let me do my work in peace and try not to be too huge pieces of sh*t here or elsewhere. ✌

I Thought It Was Supposed to be Orange?

Maybe even orange-yellow? But no, it's yellow. This was throwing me off, so I never posted these pictures before. But now I don't know. Maybe it was onto something all along? Today, in crazy RL foreshadowing from around 3 years ago. IYKYK. 💛

(Off I go again...)

May Continues to be OFF…

Still out. But I figure I owe more information about it, to those few who are closely keeping up with me and my stuff, and now that I’m more able to form words, here they come!

• I wanted to see Michael this month, but I’ll have to move that.
• I wanted to finish adding about Wonka this month, but I’ll also have to move that.
• I wanted to keep regularly posting on Sundays, but I’ll indeed also have to move that.

I require this break. Not merely being mute or reducing interactions, but being as disconnected as I can be to return to myself and replenish myself as I ought to. I was fortunate to miraculously have something I could ‘fall back’ on that’d make this not only easier, but much more effective. However, it is still looking like I’ll be needing plenty of time. I want to say all of May, and not extend it beyond, but we’ll see.

Do I feel guilty about it? Losing the streak and whatnot. Sometimes, yes. But I did say it. That this year and many months before it have been rough. That if that one thing happened, I would have to retreat for a possibly long while - and it happened. So now I’m retreating. It is not punishment and it is not manipulation. It is simply what my psyche and the mass around it now demand.

And I’m not going to lie, it has been tempting to hate everyone and everything all of a sudden. As though part of the natural reaction that leads to pulling away and avoiding further harm. But worry not, if you deserve better, I’ll make the due distinctions as I regain my clarity. Meanwhile, I ask that you be understanding of my withdrawal of energy and such.

This means that, no, I’m not really checking messages. Not most of them, anyway. If they won’t sit there long enough, then I’ll forever miss them. I will check them once I have space to hold them again. I’m only keeping in touch with a few people during this period. I occasionally get curious and check on more, but I shouldn’t if I am to make progress with this recovery. Please don’t take it personally, especially if you KNOW I love and adore you. Just gotta do what I gotta do to get through this.

I repeat: Take care and be well!
(Besides, I believe y’all could use some time together without me being in the way!)

MAY OFF!

I'm taking May off. Won't even have Sunday posts popping up on their own. The usual will resume in June. Take care and be well!

Long Forgotten Color Palettes for Costumes

March 8th, 2014. Excerpt from a reference post. Speaking of colors... I did the post-apocalyptic cosplay (first palette) but never got to do the faerie cosplay (second palette). Or did I? Hm. 🙊

I'm afraid I don't carry that much magic anymore. But I don't believe it is a lost cause either. Probably just ought to tune in more often and for longer, with a stronger forcefield around me. Thank you, again, so much, to those who bring it back - even amidst hellscapes. I needed that.

The Artist's RPG / It's The Universe Speaking

I’ve always loved the idea that we are a way for the universe to know (and express) itself. And if that is the case, then artists might be especially suited for that. Being overqualified vessels and vias through which existence flows. As they, when genuine, are outstandingly sensitive to what is around and what is within and can expertly craft a resemblance, even if some only tune into certain aspects while others tune into certain other aspects.

Being such, I’m currently faced with a, let’s say, dilemma in The Artist’s RPG story. Personally, I would like there to be some sort of “Star Committee" guiding affairs and more, composed of legendary artists. But what if that can’t/won’t happen? And these great artists are ultimately only messengers for a blueprint? i.e., They showed what the universe is made of, so you can’t miss it, and now the pieces must be gathered and put together.

You know what I’d prefer. But I let the story carry me when writing… 😔

The Artist's RPG / Components: Prism

PRISM

RECEPTOR

HOMAGE - ADMIRATION - MAGNIFYING

Sameness won’t do. Shrinking won’t do. Why be in that state? Why expect and require it? That is not what all this was made for. There is beauty beyond your senses and even beyond your imagination. And you might catch it if you pay attention. If you can go ahead and appraise it regardless of whether or not others did so before you.

“There is more to it than meets the eye. I will make it undeniably evident.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Let there be light. And let there be colors. 

I welcome you in your entirety. With your uniqueness and peculiarities. They are precious. How bleak and bland, how dreafully insufferable, would it be without you? You are not to be tolerated. You are to be cherished. Abundantly celebrated. I see you as you are, and I am mesmerized. Look closer. Closer. Much closer. Have you noticed the miracle that you are? Wait, I will show you.

And just like that, you are unabashedly you.

Sameness won’t do. Shrinking won’t do. Why be in that state? Why expect and require it? That is not what all this was made for. There is beauty beyond your senses and even beyond your imagination. And you might catch it if you pay attention. If you can go ahead and appraise it regardless of whether or not others did so before you.

Is it appropriate? Is it trendy? It is about none of that. How about asking a different question? Is it art? 

What is contained within what many overlook or even reject? Are you bold enough to embrace it? Set the trend and make it appropriate? Can it pass through you and become more than what it previously was? You must apply your own criteria. Biases and prejudices would only be obstacles to observing true nature, to grasping what it is composed of. You must be sharp and you must be clear. Until it is so obvious it is indisputable.

Take up space.

The Artist's RPG / Components: Void

VOID

RECEPTOR

OVERENTITLEMENT - ENVY - GREED

Insatiability puts it lightly. There is no end to how much this can swallow without being satisfied. And how dare anyone say no and deprive it of what it asks? Everything exists for it. Not for another to have and own, but for it to claim and absorb. It suffers excruciatingly otherwise. How can anyone be okay without always getting more and more and more? What else is there? Nothing.

“Hunger is a weak word for how much I crave. I will devour you.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

What’s that? Nobody has complimented you before? Nobody has shown you how special you are? That’s terrible! You’re a gem! A treasure trove! There’s so much to you! I’ve got my eye on you and I cannot wait to see what else you are carrying with you. Oh, yes, bring it all on. I’ve got space for everything (and more).

Sure, those words can be tempting. After all, when was the last time you felt that valued? And you’re not off, not in that regard. Because, indeed, you are valued. Just not in the way that would benefit you, but in the way that would benefit them. The way it will have you giving and giving and giving until there’s nothing left in you to give anymore. Nothing else they’d see value in. Then you are replaceable. Something to merely discard after serving.

Insatiability puts it lightly. There is no end to how much this can swallow without being satisfied. And how dare anyone say no and deprive it of what it asks? Everything exists for it. Not for another to have and own, but for it to claim and absorb. It suffers excruciatingly otherwise. How can anyone be okay without always getting more and more and more? What else is there? Nothing.

What may seem harmless at first can quickly become devastating to all around. This vacuum doesn’t rest until it has what it came for. It will move however it has to for it. And then it will keep going. If there is any positive and constructive contribution from it, it is to show what absence looks like. Maybe its insides, too.

Sometimes, lack is real, and so deep that we are starving, so we feast if given the chance. Excessively so. But when lack governs over you, even amidst abundance, it will make extinct even that which it claims to adore.

NOTE: This is a component to use with extra caution or dismiss completely, as it operates against art when unchecked.

Pre-2020 Vibes Coming Soon to My Pinterest

I doubt I can gather them all at once, but old pictures that capture the vibe are coming soon for sure!

Although I'll keep individually recalling older posts when they come to mind or come up in a topic, I figured I would like to have a broader view of the sights I've captured throughout the years. It's great that there's still so much left to see and hold on to ahead of us. However, there's something about Pre-2020 that I'm not getting back, yet, that I can look back to! So, indeed, I'll go through the trouble of compiling them. 💟

I See What's Becoming of Everything and...

I’m still alive. I’m not switching teams. Even if I’m the last one standing here, I will stand here. I'm with humanity. The other option is much more dreadful to me. You mean to tell me I oughta abandon all rationality and, with it, virtue to join in a mass delusion and denial because a few pieces of sh*t could steamroll over others without remorse and now they want to make the world in their image and/or at their service. Nah. I literally would rather die.

That said, I know I’m not alone. I’m not so special as to be the only one who is this "stubborn". Just oughta survive this wave of nonsense and, ideally, find each other to find more strength in numbers. It is nonsense. And nonsense may spread faster (like a smelly fart), but truth ultimately has the last word, as we make sense of it all (clearing the air). Just gotta keep putting it in the forefront so it isn’t buried for too long (and we don't die from intoxication).

If you prefer to keep your sanity, even as everyone else goes insane, and not even in an artistically inclined manner, stick around those who note, breathe, and speak truth. We might not solve all your problems, but we’ll keep you from being absolutely consumed by lies. Not by telling you what to believe, but by sharing the view.

Then again, I repeat, not even I (so-called horror girlie) can withstand being constantly bombarded with awful news about everyone and everything. I’ll have days when I can tune in and days when I’d rather not. And if you find yourself stressed, overwhelmed, and debilitated, I’d suggest you do the same or similarly. Put the news away or aside when you must. Others who are more capable of handling it in greater doses will keep doing their job. And maybe you can help them be able to do their job instead of trying to do it with or for them, too. 

I’ve come to terms with whatever it will be. Not to be resigned, but to keep doing my best without sabotaging myself with worries and panic. I have plenty on the way, and knowing that puts me at ease, but the more the merrier. Use your gifts and the advantages and privileges you have, and join in contributions to fostering better conditions and circumstances for goodness to flourish.

We definitely can and should do better. Not twist and break ourselves to coddle and enable those who are incapable of leading but still wish to “lead”.

Oh. I See It Clearly Now...

I have this... thing about me. I'm not sure whether it is self-sabotage or the most brilliant and ambitious filter one could have. But I've always preferred to be understated. And simultaneously "somewhat scary". It pushes certain kinds of people out and draws certain kinds of people in. The daring visionaries. That's what I love. Yes, please, more of that. No more of the "So what do you bring to the table?" nonsense, while it's all right there.

Anyways, don't be like me, kids. Sales are awful. And my life has been an ordeal. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but yeah. Or be. I don't know. If that's you, too. May you get to where you're going without too many unnecessary detours and delays!

Wonka Day? Scratch That. Wonka Weekend!

Still going because I took a "short" nap and ended up waking up after midnight. In my defense, it was also ME day. Besides, it's freakin' Wonka! And I haven't fangirled it enough.

Huh? Wonka & Harry Potter + Hugh Grant

Alright, you know how it is. Can't help but think back to other works and posts I've made on them. Now that I'm getting into Wonka, which was by the producer of Harry Potter and starred Hugh Grant, here's what I can look back on.

December 25th, 2015. Excerpt from a Love Actually post. (All there is to it, actually.) *Thinking* Hm. Do I have a new favorite Christmas movie to override this one? MAYBE.

September 7th, 2016. & December 5th, 2016. Excerpts from Harry Potter / Pottermore personality sorting posts. Can you blame me, though? I've checked out a ton of personality sorting systems. INCLUDING ASTROLOGY. Which makes no sense and makes me look insane. It's this stuff that drew me into Harry Potter. I was suffering from the annoyance of the thing being so popular that I couldn't be interested in it anymore. But a sorting hat? The worldbuilding around it? Now, that I can't ignore! (And I did end up watching the movies, but I couldn't get past the first few pages of the book. Too anti-muggles for my taste. Though nowadays I'm like f 'em muggles. Jeez. But no, no, for real. It's fine if you're happy wearing boring bow ties or whatever. That's harmless. (Btw, this was during the era of the self-righteous pricks being louder than the voices of reason, hence my being pissy at Gryffingdors. But love them legit virtuous Gryffies and wish there were more of them.)

December 15th, 2016. Excerpt from a Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them post. And then I got to see this movie. Which was extra cozy for me because of my love for Hufflepuff while living in a Hufflepuff home.

November 25th, 2018. Excerpts from a personal Harry Potter post. Later on, I got a Slytherin card from a friend and a mischief t-shirt from a store. The article is mostly an aimless ramble, but this part still sticks out for me. Then again, I could never quite see myself as simply Slytherin. I got the ambition and the strategizing and the close-knit family deal, but the rest is... eh. I ultimately prefer to see myself as a Thunderbird. Now, THAT fits wholly.

Such is... This...

The concept of Maladaptive Daydreaming has always bothered me. Sure, there's some validity in it if it is so excessive that it excludes meaningful things in life and avoids taking any action toward bettering life. But, dear sir, I will not be adapting to this unwhimsical BS you have going on here. I'll be daydreaming about solutions or just coping within a less insufferable place. Keep up with lofty ideals or keep out.

Wonka's Itinerary

6AM (& beyond) - The world can wait.
♪ Take a look, and you'll see into your imagination... ♪
(Just indulging in all of it.)

It's Wonka's Day!

Unforgivable that I waited this long for it. But at the same time, maybe today is the day it will have maximum effect on me? I don't know. But it's like going into the (dreamy) ER and, I'm betting, actually making it out alive.

Wonka? Okay, Give It To Me Now

I'm waiting for dawn, hopefully can sleep more until then, and will get ready to indulge in the film the entire day. Gonna treat myself to plenty of sweets, too. Posting about it will come mostly randomly and spontaneously. I'm late to the party, but here I am...

I need a ME Day

The past few months, and particularly the past 30 days, had me neglecting and even sacrificing my peace and joy. Partly, I did it to myself. Partly, I did not. But whatever the case, I ought to regulate my nervous system now. Catch me in a Ferris Wheel. F**k those deranged rides.

(If you need/want me for anything, figure out a way to do it without bringing me ANY stress whatsoever. See you then. ✌)

Near Zero Freedom or TOO DAMN MUCH FREEDOM

Some days, I can't tell whether people are demons or just miscalculated and/or had unbelievable tough luck. And I'm not about to launch and run thorough investigations and analyses to figure out which is which. So take what fits.

If you tried or even did your best:
Thank you. Sucks that you didn't make it. I wish it had gone differently. And I hope you can keep going regardless of the losses. Never abandoning your good nature.

Demons:

Can't be bothered to come up with anything for you. I'm so sick and tired and bored of y'all, omfg.

Maroon 5's Maps

I almost casually brought this up a while ago, eager to take a trip back in time, but I’m glad I didn’t. Because now I can do it more justice and forever keep around what is, among numerous loved ones, my #1 favorite song by Maroon 5.

Have you ever been accidentally stuck in a situation you are so pitifully unprepared for that you keep crying out, silently or out loud, “Why does this have to happen to me?! Why?!” And it is so incredibly harmful to your very fragile and vulnerable being that, although you can appreciate the good intentions, you resent anyone telling you that it will make you stronger and wiser? Well, something like that. That is where this song takes me to. Yet, I don’t hate it. On the contrary.

It’s been over a decade. And to answer the question: It gravely confused and weakened me. For years, I had to climb out of that hole, bit by bit, putting myself back together. So, no, I don’t recommend it. Yet, at the same time, I can’t deny that such misfortune did ultimately lead me to come back from it stronger and wiser. And just knowing not to ever go there again. Anymore.

If I ever claim to have your back, after you’ve had mine, and I haven’t explicitly cancelled that contract or excused myself for a valid reason, you can probably assume that I’m dead or so incapacitated I can’t even string words together in my brain. Because, yes, sometimes it IS that bad. Which is part of what makes the official music video so memorable to me. But beware, if you go see it, it is quite graphic.

What I personally hold on to the most, however, has got to be the line, “We drew a map to a better place.” It’s like the entire story gains and regains meaning from that line alone. Definitely miss the taste of a sweeter life and the conversation, too, though.

That is... Art

Creative people really be looking at the most disgustingly raw materials you've ever seen in your entire freakin' life and be like, "Yup, I can make a masterpiece out of that." 😵

Dreamers will be Dreamers

Yeah, no, I'm definitely not deleting older stuff. 'Cause, omg, THE MEANING.

August 30th, 2018. Excerpt from a personal post. My sister might visit soon! Very much looking forward to it! Sometimes dreams are so big and so far away (not to mention adversity-ridden) that they may take longer. Don't let that be what discourages you...

January 31st, 2017. Excerpt from a 'Back to Artsying' post. Sometimes I forget I used to let myself enjoy what little bit of magic I still had left in me. I'm concerned I'm becoming an adult in the worst sense of the word. Must fix. (Also, I'm not sure why I found it necessary to add the precise date when I made that, as opposed to when I posted it, but I probably had a reason.)

Too Magical, Gotta Save It For Later

It can sound totally fake, but it is true. Sometimes I spend months or even years without seeing a movie, or immersing in some other piece of artwork, because I figure it will be full of so much that I’d cherish that it’s best if I wait until I can take it in with all of its splendor. It might look like disinterest, ‘cause who is even able to delay gratification that much if there isn’t indifference going along with it? But believe it: I can. It’s not so much indifference that keeps me away, but how much I’d detest wasting what could have been an extraordinarily memorable moment to forever keep in my heart on an afternoon when I’m pissed off, restless, and just wishing it’ll all be over asap.

This can be irrational, indeed, and a poor decision, because sometimes it is exactly then that I most need that amount of magic inserted back into my life. But I can’t always help it. And it is part of what drives me to get my life back to a ‘soft era’ and have everything nice and comfy to indulge as my spirit yearns for. Getting there, getting there…

The prime example of this is Wonka.

Are you kidding me?! I still haven’t seen it!! Do you realize how special and significant Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was for me growing up?! I was still such a wonder-filled kid when I first witnessed that world. I don’t think even I realize just how much it truly means to me. I definitely didn’t want to watch Wonka while in a rush. I still don’t. BUT I WANT TO WATCH IT SO BAD. OMG.

Soon. Soon. Not this month. Maybe not even the next. But soon. Might have to break my rule of going with the seasons and instead recreate winter in my bedroom. But this year for sure. I’M SO SORRY, INNER CHILD. YOU’VE BEEN SO DEPRIVED.

The Artist's RPG / Components: Ferris Wheel

FERRIS WHEEL

FORCE

PERSPECTIVE - MEASURE - INSULATION

And why should it always be so serious? Why should it be so bleak? Why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself? Why shouldn’t you smile and laugh as much as you can? If every day is all you have, then shouldn’t those days be full of wonder?

“Ups and downs are inevitable, but suffering is not.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Everything changes when you look at it from a different angle, a vantage point, or a safe location. When you have enough reference, appropriate context, and a sense of proportion. When you can tell that some things are permanent and some are temporary. 

And why should it always be so serious? Why should it be so bleak? Why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself? Why shouldn’t you smile and laugh as much as you can? If every day is all you have, then shouldn’t those days be full of wonder?

What is bad may not be so bad, and what is good may not be so good. Crushing disappointments may occur, but also brilliant realizations. And the more you see, the more you gauge, the more you can make your own piece of heaven, even amidst hell.

Can you call it escapism if you are not missing out on anything worthwhile? If you have the best view in town? If memorable moments abound? And it is intriguing, thrilling, and fascinating. You are deepening and broadening your understanding. You are getting inspired and motivated. Not to survive, but to thrive.

Maybe, just maybe, we aren’t supposed to eternally live in a land of confusion. Maybe, just maybe, avoiding cruelty isn’t the problem. Maybe, just maybe, continuing to manufacture it is. Trauma after trauma after trauma. Unexamined, untreated, unresolved. If that is character development, what kind of character are you becoming?

Live on your terms. And have a fantastic life instead!

Hustler Much?

It is as if, hustling, as a last resort, is being idealized and romanticized. To cope with it, to deny the harm it can do. When you overdo it. 

There will be people taking pride and bragging about how they wear themselves to the ground, over and over, and how you should, too. But if you ponder it, what is really in it? Is the work they do even truly helpful, all things considered, directly or indirectly, to merit that sort of sacrifice? Sadly, you will find that, quite often, it is not. On the contrary, rather than a net-positive, it is a net-negative.

There is going to be work that you don’t love, but still ought to do, and there is no denying that. Sometimes you must push yourself to meet a standard, a deadline, a quota, when you’d rather be resting. But if you are severely jeopardizing yourself in the process, continually overlooking your deterioration, who is that going to help? You could lose what made you qualify in the first place, becoming bitter, fried, numb, or even end up suffering from complications that fully disable you and disqualify you.

It is not about being a lazy bum, which won’t be that enjoyable after a while, either. It is about preserving yourself so that you can continue or start giving your best. And depending on your field and what it requires from you, this would be more or less imperative.

You can challenge yourself, improve your strengths, and develop past your weaknesses. But you can also be systematic and strategic enough to minimize strain and maximize return. Work with rather than against yourself. It shouldn’t be a race to be the most damaged, but to be capable, competent, and ultimately formidable. And for that, you OUGHT to stay in shape. Mentally, emotionally, physically…

Yet, part of staying in shape, in more than one aspect, is to go through the ‘tasks’ of rest, repair, and refill. Even machines do it, and you believe yourself above it? Book that as though it is part of your job, because, if you make art, it is. And save yourself from “mysterious” illnesses and injuries. Or just pathetically low or merely mediocre performance. If you have control over your schedule, there is no excuse.

Look at how much more you can accomplish when you bounce back from effective breaks. How your mood affects your mindset, how your mindset affects your outlook, how your outlook affects your approach, and how your approach affects your results. It is worth it.

Amy Macdonald's I'm Done

It took me quite a while to come back to Amy Macdonald, but I finally did. And whoa, it was immediately electrifying, all over again! I couldn’t get enough of the songs I loved in the past and would repeatedly replay them. Now I’m being blown away by all the power contained in more recent ones, such as I’m Done.

Believe it or not, I was just some kid when I first listened to Amy Macdonald. A young adult, if you’d rather I be precise. Lost as I could be. It was around the time I had just left the city for the town life and, in her music, not only did I find solace - it was as though it got rid of YEARS of baggage I was carrying. How is that sort of magic even possible? It is, it very much is! She is proof of it. And I’m ecstatic that she continues to be active, making art imbued with more of what her spirit brings.

It is wild for me to think about everything that’s happened all up to this point. From practically breaking under the pressure of a lifestyle that was never meant for me, having little to no mental or emotional fortitude, unclear about everything, to standing firm and unshakable in what is undeniable. The needlessly hurried, shallow, directionless, and basically rootless approach I was being urged to take was killing me. But, thankfully, now I know better, and such nonsense doesn’t stand a chance anymore. Maybe that’s for you. Me? Hard pass.

In I’m Done, I particularly love how playing games is a theme. Not only that, though. There are many key aspects touched on that relate to taking back your destiny. Not merely in a “What are this year’s resolutions?” kinda way, but in a more devastatingly profound and grand manner. Thoroughly resolute, no matter how long it takes (or what it takes). Calling it a reset would be the understatement of the century.

This one is resonating with me down to my core and further beyond...

It’s True, Though, It Shouldn’t Be Imposed

I just want to make it extra clear that I do believe that, if you are wounded, you should take your time and go at your own pace, in order to repair yourself. I would never want to be someone who rushes or even forces ‘recovery’ onto others. 

Some things are way more complex, profound, and delicate than they may appear on the surface. So, “just get over it” wouldn’t do. And I believe it is especially important to have a place and people with whom you can feel and be safe from careless or clumsy attempts at ‘fixing’ you. Or worse, demand that you “forgive and forget”, then open yourself to even more harm. But yes, indeed, being sheltered is ultimately not enough. Ideally, you’d eventually, likely gradually, get to the point where, if you haven’t already, things don’t bother you as much or at all anymore, where you are not triggered to relive trauma or sent into a state of fear and panic. That begins with security on the outside and is completed with security on the inside. Furthermore, even as a fully healed person, there are simply experiences that you’d rather steer clear of, as both your time and energy are precious (and for you to invest accordingly), and you should be free to do that too. 

Live your best life, not a life attempting to prove to anyone that you ‘matured’ and ‘evolved’ and can again and again endure and tolerate stuff that you’re better off without. I’m with you in that. And I'm wishing that the means for it never lack and are always within your reach. ✌

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures?

What are the odds that precisely the day when I’m, let’s just say… PMSing like hell, like I haven’t in who knows how long, this song, with no other than Chester Bennington, is playing so loud that I just can’t miss it? I don’t know, but amidst the pain and suffering, it was as comforting as it could possibly be. Though the irony of it got me chuckling through the tears, too.

It is extra odd because Linkin Park is not a band that’s usually blasted out around here. That alone, in itself, is a very rare event. And it, thankfully, happened to also coincide with my needing to be cheered up.

That is One More Light. I looked up the lyrics because, even if I’ve listened to a song countless times, I can’t always instantly recall all the words in it. “Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored?” This line somehow hit me like a callout for not paying enough attention to my surroundings. I don’t know! Were there signs I ignored? Hm.

In any case, here’s another peek into my everyday life, since I figure many of you have no idea what happens behind the screen, whether it’s miserable or wonderful. (In this case, it was both.)

I’m not even going to say which one was on before it.

Just go have a great day today! And stay magical, magical beings. 🤍✨

Components in The Abstract Plane

It's been a while since I last posted The Conceptual Plane's Components and there have been various changes and additions since then. So here it is again! Updated. To be able to come back to as we go over each this year.

It looks 'complete' by now, but what do I even know? All I can be sure of is that these are the ones I'll be able to cover this year. If more are discovered later, they likely will have to be left for another round.

And you might ask, "But how are we supposed to know what our top components are if more keep appearing without notice?!" And that's a good question. We can't be 100% sure. HOWEVER, the worst that can happen is that you figure your Top 5 out of the visible ones here and, if another one appears that would make it into your Top 5, it would simply push one or more to the side and one out of the frame. They're all still very you, just that another highlightable one very much is. We live, we learn. 💁 

As for what's new: 

• I realized (as I worked on a spreadsheet to save dates) that the Complex Combo Components fit with the seasons. And was nudged to include that? And I mean, yes, indeed. The Seasons as Concepts are relevant here, too. So there you have them! Lots can happen in each season, of all sorts, but they come with a 'default' energy.

• To be safe, I also marked the Non-Recommendable Components with a Caution sign. And added a tiny yellow dot next to the ones that are a better option in their place. A concept to be addressed more thoroughly later on.

• There are also two peculiar components that I'm looking forward to but am keeping my mouth shut for now. They've been featured before, but it's only recently that I figured out enough of what they truly represent.

• Lots of Blue, as the Assembly that it is, but also more Yellow for Discovery. 🌞

I'm having a blast with this. I don't think I'll ever get bored with it. Haha.

Thank you for helping me spot and include so many of them!

And thank you for joining in this very nerdy venture. 

You know who you are. 🎨🤓💞 

Components? But…

When I queued the parts I’d be looking into each week, throughout the year, I was kinda mad at how I jumped straight into the components themselves before going over the different types of groups of components. It seemed backwards. Because I’m such a big-picture-first person and do a lot of it like that. But it’s turning out for the better because there’s still plenty I’ve yet to realize and I just realized more that I would have hated to leave out.

E.g. The Catalysts. I’d always perceived them as having plenty of Black (a.k.a. Dark) because they’re such rebels to the fabric of reality (and just to counterproductive or even regressive rigidity), but now I’m seeing more of how Black (a.k.a. Dark) manifests in them. And it’s blowing my mind! Turns out they can be ON while appearing OFF. And there’s a whole bunch of peculiarities in that.

But worry not, I’m getting to that by the end of this round, before going into what the different planes are, and then jumping into The Structured Plane and its components. Plus, I can still share bits here and there before and after wrapping up any description.

Furthermore! THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO DISCOVER. I’m trying to hit key aspects of things when I post about them weekly, but with the aim to trigger more of what it could imply and entail. It definitely doesn’t end there. And if this is my life’s work (it is), there are countless opportunities up ahead to keep expanding on and covering everything in numerous forms. I’M HYPED!

So, I present to you, my configuration - revised. Also, can’t wait til enough information is out so that more people can figure out what their configurations are. I’ll eventually make a sorting Quiz app, but you know how I feel about quizzes and accuracy. It is better if you get to know what’s out there and what’s within you to get your answers. But quizzes can be a fun jumpstart, too.

Yes. The order matters. Significantly so. 😮

Sun Overview

In the case of the Sun, it primarily affects your core identity and conscious self. The Sun, just as it stands at the center of the solar system and radiates life-sustaining light, represents vitality, purpose, and the animating life force. Essentially, the Sun stands for the initial flame and personal arc. And it is in and through it that confidence, leadership, and authentic self-expression develop.

When it comes to the Sun, the sign Leo shares certain similarities and is said to be ruled by it.

What are Planetary Placements?

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Cats Hanging Out, Luv, Luv, Luv

In a more wholesome note, I absolutely love it when there's a huge group of cats and they're hanging out with each other, having fun and more. It doesn't bother me at all to go "ignored". I don't even take it like that. It's only bad if they're being lil' jerks or plotting against me somehow. And sad if not a single one wanted to come up to me at any point (cuz wth?). But I'm not a very social person, not very energetic in general, so I do well with minimal interactions. In fact, it is awesome that they can be friends. 💗

Following the Herd? Don't Go There!

Don’t do the thing everybody else is doing, as though it is okay, even though it is not. If you have already started, it is never too late for you to stop (whether or not you have forever lost good people because of it). But especially if you have NOT done it, do not start now. It is not okay, no matter how many people are doing it. Maybe they are vile or maybe they have an extremely valid reason for it that justifies it (and you do not). If you habitually do the wrong thing, at most, you only have potential for others as a 'convenient asset', nothing more. And that may be generous and/or have you on "thin ice".

The Artist's RPG / Components: Fog

FOG

FORCE

SURFACE - SCRIPT - CONVENIENCE

One step at a time, no leaps of faith, prudence. You don’t know what is out there. You can’t see that far. You are not prepared. What if it is more than you can handle? What if it is more than you’d choose to handle? What if you’d simply rather not handle it at all? Avoid, avoid, avoid. This has kept you safe. This is sensible.

“Sometimes lacking effort. Sometimes the required effort.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

There is a manner of doing things. It is what you have seen. It is the set of instructions that you were given. It is the routine that you stick to. It is the habits that die hard. It is what you like to call… discipline. Though it may be something else. But it works. Somehow.

One step at a time, no leaps of faith, prudence. You don’t know what is out there. You can’t see that far. You are not prepared. What if it is more than you can handle? What if it is more than you’d choose to handle? What if you’d simply rather not handle it at all? Avoid, avoid, avoid. This has kept you safe. This is sensible.

Alarms go off, and you panic. What is that unfamiliar sound? It cannot be good. It definitely isn’t. Because it is new and it is different, and you don’t know what to do with that. It is not what you were expecting. It complicates.

But you are no coward, not necessarily. You will get through it, one way or another, if you must. Taking what you are used to and mixing it with what you encounter. What is right and what is wrong be damned. There is only survival and making it to where you ought to be. And that is back to where there are no threats. Taking risks and expanding your horizons is overrated.

You are baffled. Why would anyone deviate? Didn’t they see what happened to the person who did that? They were insane! Repetition is fine. Repetition is preferred. Repetition brings you the same. Let’s not be original, let’s imitate.

I will shrink, I will stagnate, and I will be adequate. How dare you insinuate I am miserable!

NOTE: This is a component to use with extra caution or dismiss completely, as it operates against art when unchecked. 

People-Pleaser Much?

Is being a people-pleaser worth it? When you’re the book definition of a people-pleaser, the only people you really please are other people-pleasers and abusers - people who are more than happy to endlessly be catered to and pleased.

All while increasingly losing yourself to a fog of falsehoods because your true thoughts and feelings may not be compatible with what you would believe would be ‘pleasing’. You may even stop having your own, as you no longer pause to ask yourself what you feel or think about a situation. Instead, you instantly go to ponder or (in even more lousy attempts) assume what another or others might prefer from you.

Don’t get it twisted, however. To stop being a people-pleaser, as described above, you don’t have to go all the way opposite to it and become a “people-displeaser”, choosing only yourself at all times or even going out of your own way to ‘prove’ that you won’t bother at all about others. That would likely put you in the abusers category.

The issue is that, if you wish to be authentic, whole, and secure in yourself, being a people-pleaser won’t take you there. You might get applause, acceptance, and belonging, but that’s not truly directed at and embracing all of you, is it?

People-pleasing can be a requirement to survive dangerous and dire situations, and a lot of us come from or go through that in life, so it is understandable. However, when it is carried out without a legitimate need for it, it can turn into something far uglier. What may have started as a habit then becomes manipulation for status and more, whether within an individual’s priorities or within a group’s hierarchy. And perhaps you are all playing that same game as if it is the norm, while secretly resenting each other or just having lower opinions than those shared. And if that is your world, you are free to stay in it.

Nevertheless, when it comes to actually having and showing humanity, the drive to please others comes from different motivations. And calling you a ‘people-pleaser’ when that is the case would be inaccurate. It is not about pleasing. It is about considering others, caring for them, and wishing to contribute to them, for their sake. Yet, simultaneously, doing so, if they are worthy of such gestures (or you are merely, unfortunately, under that impression), it will bring you fulfillment, too. Especially if you were able to contribute from parts of you that are unequivocally you. You are simply being, existing as you are, and that is enough.

So when you take yourself into account, respecting and loving yourself, not only do you discover more of who you are, but you also treat yourself to what you both need and want, as a human, which will literally be filling you with more to give, making you more abundant. In what? Who knows! Whatever your particular brand of human is.

It can be lonely; it is not a recipe for guaranteed and immediate popularity. But it is on you to decide whether you will invest in yourself, to bring forth your best version and reach your potential, or in some nebulous and evershifting concept you can adapt or contort yourself into. If the latter comes easily for you, it may be the sensible option. But if it is painfully unbearable, you should definitely look into completely dropping people-pleasing.

It Is Bad Out There

Affirm with me: If I do not have the power to change the world at large, I may have the power to affect significant portions of it. And if I cannot do that either, I may have the power to better the lives of many. And if I also cannot manage that, I may have the power to shelter and mend a few from the cruelties of the world. Aiming high, but I am taking what I can get.

Snaps & Thumbnails? Plus More...

As I continue to move more of my fangirlism to this site, a few things have come up.

• Given that, at least when it is a full 'Event' sort of thing, I have an entire post dedicated to trailers and teasers alone, it seems too redundant for me to use trailers on my "feedback" post as well. So I went with taking a few snaps instead (added 3 more). Is that alright? Should I keep going like that?

• I do treasure my old posts, trust me. I'm never deleting them. I'm just still waiting for that year when things are mostly settled and running on their own, so that I can dedicate myself to digging through everything and bringing back all the posts that are still of relevance. I'll probably leave some hidden that I'll later quote or take excerpts from, too. But they're safe, waiting for their time to shine.

• I'm aware that I'm not everybody's cup of tea and I will never be everybody's cup of tea. If that's your thing, then more power to you. Really. But it's not mine. My type of 'Perfect' is not other types of 'Perfect'. I'm still striving for my type of perfect and that's all you can expect from me. In time, with practice. Believe me, I cringe at my own stuff. A LOT. But sometimes that's all I can put out and call it a day. Basically, though, I wish to be able to look back at what I make as though they are portals to a moment, within a time and place, and trigger memories of such. That's my aim and my priority.
• If you see me not posting more often what I love, it's likely not because I didn't get enough likes or whatever, it's that, as I've been saying, I'm too stressed and overwhelmed these days to afford myself that luxury. So don't worry about me in that regard, I know how to be boring and annoying AND own it. (But yeah, still totally love hearing when somebody genuinely enjoys what I do.)

(Also, fixed some typos in my previous posts. WTH? 2027 instead of 2016. How did that even happen? Now I'm scared I'll live out The Martian again in 2027. NO. PLEASE. NO. 😩)

Project Hail Mary (References)

I may be wrong, but maybe it is somehow connected? Impossible not to think back to La La Land with Ryan Gosling there and to The Martian with Andy Weir also there. Especially with how they didn’t shy away at all from bringing up those films as they promoted Project Hail Mary. (Ryan even joked about redoing a scene with Rocky instead. This time, having his hand in a different direction, which had been haunting him?)

I caught Grace play-pretending a dance, while alone in space, that resembled one of Sebastian and Mia’s. Or was that just a silly moment? Like the glass tapping scene? Tapping is fun!

Anyhow and anyway, I wrote about both of those films too, in the past, so I had to go down memory lane. Like, I have to. It's what I do. So... LOOK HERE. It’s LA LA LAND AND THE MARTIAN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. Do I have your attention now? But then again, ADDers will ADD. And that’s probably fine, too. ‘Cause… references. Sometimes they apply. Sometimes. Etc.

Okay, what could I have possibly written back then?

July 22, 2018. Excerpt from a La La Land post. You know what? I’m soooo thankful that Project Hail Mary took a different turn. I craved that happy ending. Romantic or not. Sentimentality can be just as wonderful.

January 4, 2016. Excerpt from a The Martian post. Actually, all the text. It was a quick post. But why was I ending each and every single sentence with an exclamation mark in the first paragraph? Was I shouting or what? Strange.

Time flies. And one day is not enough for everything I’d like to delve into regarding Project Hail Mary and all it may entail and imply. So happy I can nerd out on it forever!

Project Hail Mary (2026)

I’m just gonna gush about it to my heart’s content ‘cause there’s no way I can do justice to everything in it by being collected and articulate. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS MOVIE. Zero exaggeration. And though I hate to be down, it’s as if I got to see it right when I needed it the most. With everything currently going on. And it picked me up like I could have never imagined. What an out-of-this-world treat!

I’m so incredibly inspired and motivated by grand and crucial missions, although, of course, I wouldn’t want to LITERALLY be in his shoes. But putting things aside so that you can help save, well, everything? Now that’s a calling for a higher purpose. Merely being a witness to that filled me with awe and so much more.

Question. What’s up with the way Grace woke up from his coma, though? That both intrigued and concerned me. How does that go internally? With memories not coming back immediately and whatnot? Are some forever lost and inaccessible? Are people even the same person afterward? Or…? I wonder.

It caught me by surprise how intertwined the concept of death and passing away was, too. How thoughtfully and carefully it was handled. Everything from honoring the crew members by basically promising not to let their efforts be in vain to how Rocky is practically moved to be extra attentive due to his losses. Sometimes I think that honoring the dead and, simultaneously, holding on to those still alive with us is a lost art. But it wasn’t lost here at all.

And speaking of Rocky and being thoughtful and careful, it was such a kind gesture to bother to help find him a voice that suited him. That scary one? Yikes! The following ones? Off, just off. Until that one that did convey his playful (and sorta annoying) nature. In general, he was so adorably depicted, while still going over and embracing his range as a character, that it easily melted my heart. The party hats, too, I can barely handle this much endearment!

The possibility of him dying and them having a sad ending, however, had me FRETTING. You could probably say that I was silently screaming, too. No, no, no. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT. Imagine the relief when they both made it safely. Then imagine the joy when, to top it all off, they even had a world to themselves with other little aliens taking classes.

Overall, it was beyond beautiful. Profoundly so. I sincerely have trouble even believing that something like this exists and I got to be there for it. My body may be tired, but my spirit can now go on and on.

Words of encouragement. Words of GREAT encouragement.

Project Hail Mary At The Cinema (Come Along)

Virtually being there. Arriving, looking around, leaving. Ultimately figured it was best to keep it as raw as possible, visually and audibly. So it could most realistically capture and share my pov during this event. Then I heard what was playing, unintentionally recorded, but... agreed. It is a shame that we don’t talk anymore the way we used to do. That much resonates. I miss my pals. Someday, though, someday. I’ll be at ease at last... 

Project Hail Mary At The Cinema (Peculiar Decor)

Check out this peculiar decor! It was one of the first things I saw when I went into the theater and, not gonna lie, it put a smile on my face. That’s so cool! It’s a sort of a blend of green and blue, too. Feels like a significantly meaningful synchronicity somehow! Because of reasons. Iykyk.

Project Hail Mary At The Cinema

There will come a time when I’ll fondly look back to this day as the day I went to the movie theater to watch the unforgettable Project Hail Mary movie. Heck, I’m already doing that. So, of course, I HAD to take plenty of pictures.

Turns out there’s no longer a movie theater right next to where I stay at, the one I went to see Barbie in, so I had to walk a little further away to another nearby one. And I guess that’s inviting me to switch it up more. Visit different places. Have different experiences and surroundings to take in. 

I went extra early, for the earliest show, so that I could have all the time I needed and wanted to take it all in. Have a little more solitude, too. In the end, it was only a few of us sitting (eventually comfortably leaning back). It is usually more crowded later on and on weekends. We also experienced a few technical difficulties in the middle of it and it turned me into a Karen. NO WAY I’ma miss even seconds of it. (They offered to refill our snacks in apology, on the house, and that was nice.)

I got my snacks, ready to immerse. Trust me, I looked for Skittles, ‘cause they seemed like an appropriate snack for it, but there weren’t any around. So this had to do. The unbearable IRONY when they appeared in the movie. Tsk, tsk. Also, such a bummer that they didn’t have any themed packaging, but I’m not complaining. I had a blast watching the film, regardless, got me starry-eyed all the way through. Yes, very AMAZE, AMAZE, AMAZE.

Project Hail Mary (Trailers)

You know, I’d seen it around. And normally, I’d want to watch movies like this. Yet, as I’ve been saying, it’s been stressful and overwhelming times these past few months for me, so I was sort of forcing myself to not mind it - until I couldn’t anymore. What do you mean, the sun is dying? THE SUN? That’s a topic that speaks to me!

So, thankfully, I’m not sure what possessed me exactly, but it did, maybe a desperate yearning for some magic to be able to keep facing this crude and cruel reality, I could pause and actually pay attention. And it did look like something I definitely shouldn’t miss! Whoa!

Ryan Gosling's movies are memorable. The author of The Martian is behind it. And I cannot think of a better song than Sign of the Times to go around. Also, that’s a… very compelling trailer. I’m in!

As if I wasn’t already bought, the second trailer further intrigued me. With a more serious tone, though still with its comic reliefs, it pretty much made it clear that this is indeed serious. Got me going, “Uh, oh. That bad?” I’ve never read the book, so I’m quite clueless at this point. But ok, ok. I’m locked in!

Then on to the final trailer. Damn. The gravity of the situation. The weight of that line. “The world is counting on you.” Imagine being someone who sees themselves as merely a school teacher and being hit with this. Among other things, I’d be in disbelief. Make sense of it all you want, but still. Jeez. It’s like, hello, we need an adult here. And you haven’t come to terms with the fact that YOU are the adult. And again, omg. You’ve got to be kidding. What have we come to?

It’s Called Fashion, Look It Up (Literally)

Y’all, you wouldn’t believe this! If you know me, you’d know that my grandmother is fundamental, essential, and indispensable to who I am and what I do. Having protected, supported, and raised me with care for my particular gifts. And as such, I do my best to honor her and her legacy.

I always knew she was an intelligent woman, being a strict math teacher, but I hadn’t realized she could be such a nerd! What in the outer space is she wearing?!

I can’t tell if I never noticed before, or I did and somehow completely forgot, and then proceeded to assume it was some generic pattern or something else, not pausing to truly look, but she really went and posed for a professional photograph wearing a vest with outer space motifs?

It’s as though it’s been written all along.