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Friday, October 27, 2023

Another Love

Most of you have probably already heard this song, but I'd like to elaborate on it because, in my opinion, it is a very accurate depiction of the effect a breakup can have on someone's heart and be oddly specific about it.

So, no, it is not always like this. Some may never experience this exact same thing. But I can tell you it happens. It's not just excuses (as many are guilty of these days).

Some of us can be so intensely invested in somebody else that, when it doesn't work out, it is truly devastating. And it goes beyond still being attached to the other person or wanting them instead of anybody else. You can be fully done with somebody, emotionally or simply romantically, yet still be in this state. Because after pouring all your love on to them, what do you have left? 

In my experience, jerks are horrible in numerous ways, and damaging so. But it's the ones you could be happy with that can leave you the most void in this manner. And it isn't so simple to move on then.

What's sad is that maybe the next person would have been better for you. It has nothing to do with them that you can't love the same way and instead act dryly as they wait for you to come back around. But who knows? Maybe something similar also happened in the previous relationship and there was also a waiting period.

This is one of my biggest fears, though. To mistreat someone who deserves better because I am not well. Believe it. I have pushed away outstandingly woderful people in the past because of this. If I love you, then I genuinely want the best for you. And if can't see myself as what could be the best for you, it is difficult for me to stay. And this is also the reason why I have no sympathy for awful people who make things worse for me begging to let them stick around. But I digress.

I've been in a situation where I desperately wanted to avoid this "timeline", where I was so emotionally vacant that I'd push a loving person into this rage. But lying and pretending isn't so much better. I'd rather not say what I don't really mean. Even if it is an understandable white lie.

And it's kind of like that here. He does care about her. May love her and acknowledge the amazing person she is. But he's just... empty at this point. If timing had been different, he maybe would have been madly in love with her too.

So, sometimes, some of us, really do need time. To mend and fill our hearts again and again be able to love properly. And, I repeat, it has nothing to do with the next person. They're not less than nor not enough.

Am I saying that you shouldn't get involved with people that aren't at their best? Not quite. But you should know what you're signing up for and decide from there. Because even if they want it badly too, they cannot magically fix themselves overnight...