If it is not personal, do not take it personally. Skepticism and disagreements shouldn’t be considered insults and there’s only so much tact one can have before it turns counterproductive in an exchange of views and opinions.
Undeniably, there are times when people are malicious or just resentful and they will say painful and/or poisonous things, subtly or obviously so, and it is important to catch (and counter) ill-wills of that sort rather than ignore or even deny them, basically enabling or employing gaslighting. But when it is a matter of a person being clear, direct, or just not going out of their way to soften and sweeten their message or deliver it in the most sophisticated form, it should be given leeway.
This is not to say that being gentle and delicate, accommodating even, is never needed along with wanted. Maybe someone has gone through too much already and could use some safety from anything that could disturb them. Or maybe someone has the potential to listen and realize more but you must get past their triggers and defenses to get to them. In such cases, this kind of sensitivity is not only allowed but sought after.
We do have to check ourselves and our ego at the door. It is comforting to believe that you are always right, that you’ve never made a mistake, and that therefore your word is Law. Everyone should just go with whatever you say, wrong as it may be. And how dare they defy you?
Such arrogance and entitlement will keep you, and possibly those around you, ignorant. When it comes to discussions that are expected to be fruitful, your mindset shouldn’t be about convincing yourself and others of your supposed superiority. Your mindset should be about getting as close to the truth as possible. And if you were mistaken about anything, you’d be fortunate to have been corrected sooner rather than later. The deepest and greatest thinkers will appreciate your ability to admit your mistakes and course-correct.
Likewise, just as others can correct you, you should be able to correct others. And for that, there must be a degree of confidence to share your input. Perhaps you are more than 95% sure of your claims, so you must be “stubborn” and adamant about them. And perhaps you’re not that sure, but must still put it out for consideration. In both cases, you’re adding constructively. The shape and form in which you choose to communicate is for you to tailor, so that it can also have a positive effect on you (as you engage) and in others (as they are engaged).
Echo chambers, where you’re constantly affirming and reinforcing your faulty beliefs, can be addicting. Much easier to handle, too. It is no wonder that so many prefer to be within them. But they stomp on growth and halt progress.
