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Sunday, February 19, 2023

Points on Relationships

 #1  “Forgive and forget” doesn’t always work for the better and is often a tool for abusers to continue their abuse. “Forgive but NOT forget” would, despite not being as freeing as the former, be more sensible in a world like ours. You can release the weight of the negative emotions that misdeeds caused in you but remember them so that you can treat them as data that may or may not be relevant in given situations.

 #2  “You attract who you are” but you also attract those who benefit from who you are regardless. If you’ve been attracting terrible people, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are the same as them (and it might be a stretch to find anything in common with them). These people are not rare. However, you can certainly repel quality people if you’re terrible and attract more terrible ones. So, keep working on who you are as a person. 

 #3  “High maintenance” is a term favored by low-effort people, those unwilling to invest much in relationships. It is okay to prefer light and casual relationships, but it becomes a problem when this preference bias casts judgment on more intense and/or devoted relationships as though they are universally too much and should cease to exist. If within reason, you give much in relationships, you deserve someone who also gives that much (whether it comes in the same or other forms). 

 #4  Having standards is a prudent filtering tactic. You may need to revise them so that they are well founded on what you truly need and want, but you don’t have to lower them just because somebody demands you do. However, be aware that the more and the higher they are, the fewer people will meet them and you might find yourself alone for who knows how long. Which would be fine if you’re fine with solitude.  

 #5  Setting boundaries is a sane preserving tactic. They may be hurtful and feel like rejection, but you don’t always have to set them in a cruel or harsh way. If the other person is someone you care for, take a moment to explain to them why these boundaries are important to you or the relationship and consider alternatives if they will serve better.