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Sunday, February 12, 2023

Points on Attachment Styles

There are four styles in the Attachment Styles model. The combination of traits and patterns of behavior manifesting in regard to relationships. Influenced by upbringing and conditioning. But not forever established. And then there's the quality of being detached.

 #1  The Secure Attachment style is one to aspire toward. Characterized by not taking things too personally, not jumping to conclusions, having reasonable expectations, setting sensible boundaries, practicing proper communication, willingness to sort out problems, and gracefulness in letting go if it can’t or shouldn’t be helped. People with this style feel genuinely safe and comfortable to be around, although some may call them boring and lacking in spice.

 #2  The Anxious Attachment style is one to heal from. Characterized by fear of rejection and fear of abandonment, reading too much into words and actions and misinterpreting them for the worst, constant worries and concerns, becoming controlling if extreme, and more that is the result of inner torment and turmoil. People with this style require patience and reassurance that will lead them to regain their confidence, although some may find them irritating and not worth the trouble.

 #3  The Avoidant Attachment style is one to grow out of. Characterized by trust issues, neglect and denial of emotions, keeping it casual and distant, being closed off and guarded, perceiving or assuming others to be too invasive and demanding even when that is not the case, choosing what is most convenient to them, and so on that they believe will protect them. People with this style will change only if they wish to and that should be respected unless they are harming others with their carelessness, although some may futilely attempt to fix them regardless.

 #4  The Disorganized Attachment style is one to sort through. Characterized by mixed, contradictory, and conflicting behaviors, indecisiveness and cluelessness about true desires, moodiness and volatility, push and pull, and ups and downs, getting self and others tangled in an unclear mess. People with this style can be unpredictable and dramatic along with frustrating, although some may develop an addiction to them.

 #5  But what about Detachment? Being detached is neutral and inconsequential by itself - unless there is indeed an obligation to be more than that for someone. It is a state that is advisable if you seek to have a higher, objective, and impartial view of matters and make decisions accordingly. People who are detached come across as aloof or even cold and cruel, although some may be fine with them being that way. (And it depends on how far it is taken.)