Too Unhinged & Deranged

How far can you or should you go?

What happens in fiction land, stays in fiction land. Maybe that’s a handy guideline to adopt when it comes to exploring, experimenting, and experiencing the most unhinged and deranged aspects of yourself, of others, and of living creatures, organisms, and machinery in general.

However, are you really free to go as wild as you’d like when that’s the case? Not quite. You’ll get passes but you’ll still be marked as suspicious. And that’s something you would have to maneuver through, possibly by having a vast amount of evidence pointing to your innocence to counteract the effect of these concerning activities.

And while it’s true that it’s often the most small and simple-minded people who are quick to point fingers and yell, “Witch!” To have everyone around gather with pitchforks and carry you to be burned at the stake, it is valid to be wary of those displaying a level of enjoyment in violence or other twisted and messed up things. That doesn’t mean those that hide it are automatically more trustworthy, To some, that can be more concerning because… Where does their anger go? Surely, any human without a disability impeding it is able to experience anger. But it does mean that when you do show the signs, more people take notice and, rightfully so, their guard goes up.

This can be discouraging. But if you’re meant to go into these sides of life, it may not fully stop you. It will also largely depend on how accepting or rejecting your environment is of this nature. And if you’re committed and responsible enough with it, it will take much to deter you.

It is proven, however, that it is worse to be in complete denial and ignorance of what horrors lurk or lie beyond - in the past, present, and in potential futures. Depending on how this venture is taken, it can serve as a form of preparation for the same or similar situations, on smaller or larger scales. But there’s indeed the risk of being consumed by it instead and taken down a darker road.

Please always exercise sound judgment and stop before reaching the point of no return.

Another Love

Most of you have probably already heard this song, but I'd like to elaborate on it because, in my opinion, it is a very accurate depiction of the effect a breakup can have on someone's heart and be oddly specific about it.

So, no, it is not always like this. Some may never experience this exact same thing. But I can tell you it happens. It's not just excuses (as many are guilty of these days).

Some of us can be so intensely invested in somebody else that, when it doesn't work out, it is truly devastating. And it goes beyond still being attached to the other person or wanting them instead of anybody else. You can be fully done with somebody, emotionally or simply romantically, yet still be in this state. Because after pouring all your love on to them, what do you have left? 

In my experience, jerks are horrible in numerous ways, and damaging so. But it's the ones you could be happy with that can leave you the most void in this manner. And it isn't so simple to move on then.

What's sad is that maybe the next person would have been better for you. It has nothing to do with them that you can't love the same way and instead act dryly as they wait for you to come back around. But who knows? Maybe something similar also happened in the previous relationship and there was also a waiting period.

This is one of my biggest fears, though. To mistreat someone who deserves better because I am not well. Believe it. I have pushed away outstandingly woderful people in the past because of this. If I love you, then I genuinely want the best for you. And if can't see myself as what could be the best for you, it is difficult for me to stay. And this is also the reason why I have no sympathy for awful people who make things worse for me begging to let them stick around. But I digress.

I've been in a situation where I desperately wanted to avoid this "timeline", where I was so emotionally vacant that I'd push a loving person into this rage. But lying and pretending isn't so much better. I'd rather not say what I don't really mean. Even if it is an understandable white lie.

And it's kind of like that here. He does care about her. May love her and acknowledge the amazing person she is. But he's just... empty at this point. If timing had been different, he maybe would have been madly in love with her too.

So, sometimes, some of us, really do need time. To mend and fill our hearts again and again be able to love properly. And, I repeat, it has nothing to do with the next person. They're not less than nor not enough.

Am I saying that you shouldn't get involved with people that aren't at their best? Not quite. But you should know what you're signing up for and decide from there. Because even if they want it badly too, they cannot magically fix themselves overnight...

Conjuring & Transmuting

But isn’t that, like, magic? Complete fiction or illusory at most? It depends on how you look at it!

When we speak of conjuring and transmuting, we are speaking of two particular processes. These processes are often associated with the realm of magic, of unbelievable powers reserved for those who are more than mere humans. However, this doesn’t mean that they can’t be borrowed for more practical and common instances of them - whether to take something mundane and view it through the lens of wonder or simply to effectively communicate what is being done exactly.

When you’re drawing from within yourself and connected deeply with what could be various sources of inspiration that fuel you or even possess you, what comes out of that can be considered something you conjured up - especially if the specific measures and mixes are essential to the formation of it, had you consciously controlled them or not.

Similarly, transmutation is something you do. When instead of completely discarding what seems useless or even detrimental to you, you have it go through a transformation that turns it into something worthier to you, to others, or in general instead, and it is somehow an equivalent, yet perhaps an opposite, that is by definition transmutation.

In art, when engaging with one’s artistic abilities, conjuring and transmuting is not foreign. Artists seemingly forge gems out of nowhere and turn coal into gold. And it is magical to those who appreciate it.

Synchronicities

Mere coincidence or somehow connected? Tricky to tell. Nevertheless, certain events can seem too significant to ignore. They may not be heaven-sent, but still be the result of what can be considered divine order. And if you trace things down enough, you might get to the source from which these connected but seemingly disconnected coincidences emanate. Then again, there’s still the possibility of being a simple meeting by chance in space and time.

Archetypes

Much like patterns, archetypes are structures that can be perceived by going beyond the details attached to them that may differ. In other words, an archetype holds an essential form that can be repeatedly found with different characteristics but maintains what fundamentally makes it the same. E.g. The King, The Queen, The Tower, etc.

Symbols

Symbols can be anywhere from perfect analogies to vague semblants of what they are intended to represent. Usually, context matters greatly in order to grasp what they’re about. They may be constants or variables, meaning always the same (at least within a given constraint) or changing meanings depending on when and where they’re placed and aimed to refer to.

Divinations

Can divinations be trusted? No, not really. But they can be considered. Maybe they don’t connect to a greater spirit or a divine order to grant you answers, or maybe they do but the channels are ineffective. The message may be distorted or misconceived. However, generally, divinations can nudge you into paying attention to areas that you might have otherwise ignored. They may also tap into your own intuitive knowing and lead you into realizing truths.

Reflections

How often do you pause to reflect? Is it something that you can go days, weeks, months, or even years without engaging in? Alternatively, do you compulsively do so, reflecting whenever whatever sinks in or is stirred up? Perhaps you have a more moderate medium. Regardless of the case, reflection is undeniably worthwhile unless it turns into dwelling that becomes stagnant. What amount of reflection suits you and your temperament is specific to you. But even if you’re not generally inclined to it, there may come moments when it is best for you to reflect.

Dreams

Not everybody dreams (or is able to remember their dreams) and it varies for those who do. Maybe dreams are not a big part of your life, maybe you only dream every once in a while and it appears to be totally random. But for people who dream 3-7 dreams whenever they doze off, there may be more in them. And if they have paid attention, they would have noticed that there’s more to them than just shuffled perceptions and interpretations.

Psyche

The brain is a marvelous organ with capabilities beyond belief. But what can be endlessly fascinating is what it holds within, as well as how it processes, stores, accesses, and compiles information. The psyche is still quite the mystery - and the via through which we can begin comprehending all. It comes through in everything, so why would we ignore it?