Screw Treating Everyone The Same

Everyone is not the same. It may seem noble, but pretending as though they are is a recipe for disaster. Not only demoralizing, but also dangerous in application.

It isn’t so simple. Being guided by principles doesn’t necessarily require adopting and exercising black & white thinking that doesn’t take into account nuance nor context. Some things must be earned, things like trust and gratitude (for reciprocity). And some things can be forgiven, given that they are justified, excusable, or amended.

If you treat everybody the same, dismissing all that goes on that differentiates them, you fail to be fair. You also fail to be thoughtful, considerate, and ultimately wise. And by doing so, you discourage stellar behavior and encourage lousy behavior. You may lose the best of the best. Because why bother doing anything extra if it is not even going to be acknowledged? All the attention, the effort, and the resources that go into being your best self do not really amount to anything. You’re making it so it’d be ridiculous to be personally invested and care.

Furthermore, for your own sanity and safety, and for the sake of a functioning environment, you must have properly defined where everybody around you stands. So that you can continue to engage in dynamics, foster and maintain bonds, and reduce the chances of harm done to you and/or others. E.g. don’t give a knife to somebody who’s likely to stab you with it and don’t let somebody who’s unqualified perform surgery on you.

Compassion can kick in and make you feel sorry for one person or two. But that’s when you should ask yourself if that compassion is directed where it is merited. Awful people are frequently the loudest criers, seeking sympathy without guilt or shame, so that they don’t have to take accountability or face the consequences of their actions (or inactions). Meanwhile, those affected by them end up having to just endure them, endlessly. Ideally, everybody would be and do well, but as long as that’s not the reality, it can get harsh.

That said, what are some distinctions to make among you?
• Rulemaker
• One who Passed (Yet honored regardless)
• Veteran
• Newbie
• Significant Other
• Best Friend
• Close Friends
• Part of Your Community
• Someone who Donates Money
• Someone who Donates Another Kind of Value
• Someone who Participates in The Fight
• Spiritual Healer
• Psychological/Physiological Healer
• Disabled (temporarily or permanently)
• Children (plenty of growing up left)
• Lecturer
• Sprinkler
• Learner
• Clues & Evidence Spotter
• Under Investigation
• In a Straitjacket
• Behind Bars
• Owing Service
• Expelled

• Potential Opportunity (prone to let down or downright scam)
Etc. You get the idea.

If these could be badges/buttons, which and how many would you rightfully wear?
You may fall into one or more of these categories. Perhaps you can dominantly identify yourself with one, with some vague overlaps with others. Or you can see yourself as multifaceted and fully fit several. You may also be stepping in and out of them, depending…

Once you’ve identified where you and others belong in, be sure to ponder more about what it could imply or entail. Example 1: Veterans have done much work long before the newbies and, whether or not they are disabled, that excuses them from having to do more work in order to be recognized as priceless contributors. Example 2: It is understandable, and deserving of patience, that children aren’t yet mature enough to expect so much of them, but they are nonetheless expected to grow up. Example 3: The Clues & Evidence Spotter may be neutral and “switch sides”, as this ‘title’ and its ‘job description’ don’t inherently create ties.

In my case, the Potential Opportunity brings me mixed feelings every time it appears. I am aware that success though it is not as guaranteed as sticking to my already existing plans and the results they’ll eventually yield. However, because it shows (or pretends at) the possibility of significantly more accomplishment (faster, better, greater) than I would achieve otherwise, I feel obligated to at least check it out (if not just for me, then for those who have helped or currently help me). This has led to both incredible gains and regrettable losses. And since I’ve already had my share of the latter, I’m now forced to be more strict with it (be more transactional, less faithful; a lot of people have no decency these days). I don’t prefer it because I enjoy treating strangers with manners, and as innocent until proven guilty, but I’ll have to weave in firmer boundaries while kindly stating why they’re there.

What is it like for you?

Posting Streak

As things get more and more active, particularly online, please remember to post only as much as you’re fine with.

I can bet that plenty of your readers/viewers love your posts and would like you around every day, getting your valuable input or just having you there, but burning out or taking away too much from your craft in order to be present would be no good. Aim for sustainability (over FOMO).

You can post whenever, even several times in the same day (I avoid excessive posting because I’m with the introspective crowd, though, and care more about substance than chitchat - or worse). But you can also, probably (depending on what you do exactly), post once a day, 2-3 times a week, or once a week - and still be engaging more than enough. You can as well schedule posts that come up regardless of what is going on, that are evergreen or not intended toward any current topic being widely discussed (identifiably so), while you’re off elsewhere if you must keep your account active.

What’s worse than missing you? You getting overwhelmed and/or exhausted and quitting altogether!
Some of us (🙋) will keep being inconsistent and unpredictable except for, maybe, what goes up on its own...

Fruitful Discussions NOT Echo Chambers

If it is not personal, do not take it personally. Skepticism and disagreements shouldn’t be considered insults and there’s only so much tact one can have before it turns counterproductive in an exchange of views and opinions.

Undeniably, there are times when people are malicious or just resentful and they will say painful and/or poisonous things, subtly or obviously so, and it is important to catch (and counter) ill-wills of that sort rather than ignore or even deny them, basically enabling or employing gaslighting. But when it is a matter of a person being clear, direct, or just not going out of their way to soften and sweeten their message or deliver it in the most sophisticated form, it should be given leeway.

This is not to say that being gentle and delicate, accommodating even, is never needed along with wanted. Maybe someone has gone through too much already and could use some safety from anything that could disturb them. Or maybe someone has the potential to listen and realize more but you must get past their triggers and defenses to get to them. In such cases, this kind of sensitivity is not only allowed but sought after.

We do have to check ourselves and our ego at the door. It is comforting to believe that you are always right, that you’ve never made a mistake, and that therefore your word is Law. Everyone should just go with whatever you say, wrong as it may be. And how dare they defy you?

Such arrogance and entitlement will keep you, and possibly those around you, ignorant. When it comes to discussions that are expected to be fruitful, your mindset shouldn’t be about convincing yourself and others of your supposed superiority. Your mindset should be about getting as close to the truth as possible. And if you were mistaken about anything, you’d be fortunate to have been corrected sooner rather than later. The deepest and greatest thinkers will appreciate your ability to admit your mistakes and course-correct.

Likewise, just as others can correct you, you should be able to correct others. And for that, there must be a degree of confidence to share your input. Perhaps you are more than 95% sure of your claims, so you must be “stubborn” and adamant about them. And perhaps you’re not that sure, but must still put it out for consideration. In both cases, you’re adding constructively. The shape and form in which you choose to communicate is for you to tailor, so that it can also have a positive effect on you (as you engage) and in others (as they are engaged).

Echo chambers, where you’re constantly affirming and reinforcing your faulty beliefs, can be addicting. Much easier to handle, too. It is no wonder that so many prefer to be within them. But they stomp on growth and halt progress.

How Advanced are We Really?

It has come to my attention and it has been weighing on my mind just how rapidly and unmitigatedly technology is advancing. And it’s taking me by surprise that even someone like me, who’s always been enthusiastic about technology, and essentially discoveries and innovation that could take us all further, or just keep us from being stuck in the old same, now finds it concerning.

Why? Well, there are a few things to consider beyond the obvious.

• You could keep up with all the latest news and updates about technology and you still wouldn’t know exactly and for sure just how ahead things are. It’s only rational to believe that it’s most likely that only a tiny fraction of what’s been achieved comes out to the public. For various reasons, including and not limited to testing, marketing, finances, war, preferring only a few know of and have it, etc.

• You would assume that progress made within technology keeps up the same pace throughout the years, but that’s not the case at all. When there are breakthroughs, especially significant ones that propel what follows, the pace accelerates, perhaps exponentially. And now with AI feeding itself and evolving with all the available information we have so far, along with who knows what else, you cannot expect it to be a slow dance. Maybe it’ll hit a few short pauses here and there, but it’ll keep rolling.

• You can bet technology can solve most, if not all, problems in the world. And it could. But will it? It depends on whose hands it is and what they are willing to do with it. There’s no denying that instances in which it has been helpful to humanity, even at the cost of what’s not so altruistic, exist. Demolishing what was established and making way for what’s more convenient to the people. But a lot of the time, it’s as though it’s minimal, only enough to ease the unrest. And at this rate, they might not bother as much or at all anymore with that.

• You have knowledge and wisdom accessible like never before, yet we’re getting dumber. And that’s what happens when you indiscriminately mix information with misinformation and disinformation while devising and maintaining systems that incentivize attention-seeking behaviors more than they do thorough research and reflection. Call it what you will, but what we have popularized right now is not fostering a decent education for the majority. It’s not that everyone should be erudite, but at least not get the facts so jumbled up or swept under the radar. (Not to mention, rumors say that we’re more likable when we're dumb.)

• You are very much replaceable. And this is more and more true as robots and machines continue to copy us and outdo us. What I wonder then is… Why keep us after all? What is going to keep us here when all’s accomplished? If only the abusive decide, what happens when they no longer have use for us? It could get quite messed up, covertly or overtly. If I indulge in wishful thinking, though, they wouldn’t be ruling and there’d be a utopia instead - or at least a more pleasant life for all. But then again… *gestures to what we have*

I’m not gonna lie, this is heavy stuff that’s been bothering me and I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But I figure that, nonetheless, it should be considered for the matter is… already here. And as maddening as it can be, taking this (and more) into account can keep you sane.

There’s a defeating powerlessness that comes with it, when you realize that there’s very little that you can do to set and guide the course towards more favorable outcomes, other than making contributions and hoping enough of others do too, and might just have to accept the inevitable. 

However, if it is of any consolation, you still have time to live in the current reality. Go and do the things you’ve always wanted to do; not with reckless abandon, but with the intention to stop postponing them so much. So that when/if drastic changes arrive that render them unattainable, you can embrace them as a new chapter, able to let go of the previous one fulfilled, ready to begin handling what is next in store.

I’m somebody who can often be consumed by intrigue and fascination, so even grim scenarios may be tolerable sometimes, and that’s indeed an asset for survival. But if you can fight to make things objectively better for yourself and those around you, however you’re capable, when it gets rough, then do. Don’t just passively welcome and adapt to anything and everything.

Gemini's Season

♊ GEMINI

As we enter the season of Gemini, it is believed that the universe will be affecting us with energies that will cause us to communicate freely and explore new ideas. We will be more in tune with our curiosity, and abilities to adapt and connect will be enhanced. If you are receptive to them, you might be imbued with flexibility and quick thinking. If you are resistant to them, you might be conflicted with indecision and scattered focus. If you are completely blocked out, you might not notice them at all. And if you don't pay enough attention, you might miss opportunities for intellectual growth.

Motivational Quote: "Be like the wind—ever-changing, ever-present."

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Your Tribe to Thrive

Yes, you can be independent and, yes, codependency can be risky and troublesome. However, being able to count on and rely on others can be unmeasurably rewarding, along with coming with countless benefits. You don’t have to force yourself into a group, especially if you don’t seem to fit, but how great is it when you do find (or form) the group where you do belong in?

You get to be more, do more, achieve more, and go further. If you are the kind of person who can quickly and easily solve most, if not all things, by yourself, coming along or going along with others can seem like a burden and, in some cases, actually be. But there are cases in which you’d be limiting yourself if you remain by yourself.

Learning and practicing socialization and all that it entails would be one of the first things that tends to be pointed out in regard to working together. And rightfully so! That’s an indispensable skill that you must have at least to the degree that allows you to fend for yourself and navigate crowds. But there’s a lot more to it.

No, it’s not about conforming and settling for less. You get fuel; in the form of inspiration and motivation. You get confidence; through acceptance, validation, reassurance, and encouragement. You get support; whether via shared resources or personal assistance. You get fortitude; when you move with purpose in cooperation. You get shelter; when others defend you and fight for you. You get meaning; having experiences and making memories is just extra significant when accompanied.

For sure, you require your own space and your own pace. You, as an individual, should also develop yourself separately. And maybe you require more alone time than most - and that’s fine. Nevertheless, if being part of a collective is something that appeals to you, then you may as well be. Watch out for any that aims to strip you of your own personhood or lead you into your worst self, though! *Ahem* Literal cults.

For reach and impact, at a larger scale, there’s going to be a point where you NEED more people around you. Because you simply cannot accomplish it all. They’ll bring their expertise and/or their unique gifts. And most likely, you won’t always smoothly click in place with each other. Yet, undeniably, they are worthwhile and make things better and greater.

Some of us are eternal wanderers who come and go or are not quite ready yet to settle anywhere. Perhaps something like that is your fate. And you are an episode or a season in the lives of others until you part. It is important to recognize if this is your role. So that you can make your contribution and be on your way on good terms. Without betrayal or broken promises, if it can be helped. Then you will be remembered with fondness and gratitude.

Gathering Evidence & Formulating Arguments

Something seems off, but is it? Your intuition and/or your gut may be trying to tell you something - or warn you of something - but can they be trusted? Wouldn’t it be irresponsible to make important decisions based on some inexplicable discomfort?

A lot of the time, the “inexplicable discomfort” is well-founded and, indeed, you could have saved yourself plenty of trouble or worse if you had just taken it as a sign to stay away or at least proceed with caution. But many times, also, this discomfort is no more than the result of prejudice and entitlement, a misguided or twisted belief in your superiority and merit tied with the expectation to be catered to your every whim - and anything outside of that is “wrong” and intolerable. At times, it can also be the result of trauma, keeping you in a state of fear wouldn’t let you anywhere close, not even remotely, to what could again hurt or harm you - as you cannot properly handle any more of it.

Hence, these signs, which on occasion come from the subconscious perception and processing of patterns and details that would inform you of what can potentially happen or is guaranteed to happen, are not always a reliable mechanism. For some people, there are usually above 90% chances to be correct. While for other people, there are usually below 10% chances to be correct. And all that’s in between.

It takes talent, skill, knowledge, wisdom, and fine-tuning to be an optimal detector. And arguably, this becomes more and more of a lost art as we are now bombarded with so much that is false and fake, so we are training this feature in us with artificial information that won’t lead to what’s true and real.

Therefore, we have to make the unconscious conscious. It is an arduous task that is not meant for everyone. Not worthwhile in every situation and under every circumstance, either. But it is something someone has to do. Preferably enough of us.

Getting the abstract to the concrete works wonders in offering you clarity and stability. Noticing one little thing here and another there, how they connect, and what they reveal. Committed to grasping the picture as it is and then conveying it. It could go a number of different ways and still be accurate, addressing parts or layers of it. And if it had been making you restless, weighing on you, it can give you exactly the deliverance and closure that you craved and maybe even yearned for, too.

Subjectivity matters, but here’s where you ought to be more objective. In fact, you should be stripping the objective of what’s subjective, untangling it, separating one from the other whenever you can. Realize when an assumption is an assumption, when there is a misinterpretation, when there’s a projection, and when there’s an agenda, selectively picking and misconstruing reality to serve certain interests rather than the truth. Look for motive and intention. And do not be tricked by facades and cover-ups.

Your arguments, then, to describe and/or explain what is happening should be firmly grounded. There are numerous tactics to make arguments so appealing that they are easily persuasive and convincing, taking advantage of wishful thinking and more. But they won’t pass the test of time, when what is true and real becomes more evident and undeniable, nor the test of the viciously curious minds who’d eagerly cut through any illusion and break apart any lie, intensely unsettled by incoherences and incongruences.

It is easier and quicker to make up and spread lies than it is to find and tell the truth. But if that’s your calling, stick with it and, sooner or later, it’ll get done and it will be better than any lousy fabrication.

When Words Don't Match Actions

I’ve been witnessing and experiencing this more and more lately. Maybe there are places where this is more frequent, more normalized, or maybe culture in general is decaying, and people lack principles and integrity. In any case, when words don’t match actions, it is infuriating for those who mean what they say and expect others to do too.

Regardless, as exasperating as it can be, throwing all of it into a single explanation can leave you in dissonance, for something else might be occurring, and you might need to consider this.

When someone’s words don’t match their actions, it could be that:

A. They were invested and committed, but due to unforeseen events and other complications, they failed to come through. Things aren’t as easy or simple as they look and, though responsible and adept, they now struggle to deliver as they once claimed they would. This is the most appealing explanation, as we’d rather believe the best of a person instead of acknowledging that we’ve been fooled. However, unfortunately, this is rarely the case. IRONIC scenario.

B. They got excited, didn’t quite think things through, and promised more than they could deliver. Indecisiveness and cowardice took over when reality hit, causing a change of mind and what might be endless procrastination and avoidance. They might have meant well, and wished they could have accomplished all that they initially set out to, but they were not cut out for it. This is an explanation that, while not ideal, is not totally detestable either and can be sympathized with to an extent. However, they lost all credibility. DISAPPOINTING scenario.

C. They have such a boundless mindset of abundance that they easily go through life without a real care in anything, bouncing out ideas for the feedback, gaining and losing opportunities like there will always be more, upsetting anyone whenever because they assume that they’ll eventually be forgiven and, if not, there’s always new people to meet. And so on. This is the explanation that usually fits the over-entitled who, for whatever reason and in some form, tends to get passes despite their indifference leaving a trail of damage in their path. However, this also means that they’ll miss out on strong bonds forged by mutual respect and consideration. IRRITATING scenario.

D. They take pleasure in “pranking” people, as if drawn by the sense of power and control it gives them to have others hanging in anticipation, and perhaps also for the twisted gratification they get from playing them. They may even be using it as practice to polish their tactics. It’s as though they never developed emotionally past the age of a 7-year-old spoiled brat who has yet to learn right from wrong and exercise some empathy and compassion, “torturing little animals”. Might also be trying to impress peers that are just as terrible or more, if not even acting with them. This is the explanation that evokes the most disgust, that anyone decent would have trouble wrapping their head around. However, in such a messed-up world, it is more plausible than we’d like to believe. NAUSEATING scenario.

E. It is not about pleasure, it is about business. They’re smarter than they let on and most of what they say and do is coldly calculated. It doesn’t take superpowers to treat the world and everybody in it as a chessboard and think several steps ahead. You might be a case study, or a potential threat, or both - or just relevant in some way. They’ll lie as much as they ought to in order to achieve their ends. This is the explanation that sounds the most villainous and is reserved for those who are excessively obstinate about their ambitions and will not let anything or anyone get in their way. However, if nothing more, at least their cover will be blown. TERRIFYING scenario.

(Might be some sort of mixture, too.)

If words aren’t matching actions, you should give yourself permission to not listen to any of them anymore. It is sad if what’s actually happening is scenario A. And we may cling to that possibility. Even scenario B is forgivable. But the disconnect can take a toll on you, regardless. So, if they’re someone worthy of being considered, they should be understanding that, until they get it together and have more to show than to tell, you won’t be invested.

Standing Your Ground & Speaking Up

It is an inconvenience. Be inconvenient. The people who expect and demand of you that you be quiet and take no space while they loudly spread out are not the people you should be catering to. And these are usually the type of people who will have a ‘problem’ with you claiming your right.

They will try to justify their unfair and unreasonable rules and requests the way a fair and reasonable person would theirs. So that they can seem sensible and as though you are the problem being problematic. Therefore, you must see through and past this. Have and apply your own judgment.

How valid is what they propose? Does it take you and/or others who also matter into account, or only (or mostly) them and who they deem worthy? How do they even measure anyone or anything’s worthiness? Is it downright selfishness and other vices driving them or are they making any valid point at all?

Shame and guilt tend to be the vias through which many will have you cornered and shrinking. Because, again, in other contexts, these are legitimate indicators that something is wrong or could be better. However, when they are merely used to push an agenda, they are no more than manipulation and coercion tactics. And if you pay close attention, you’ll notice how shallow and distorted they are instead of appropriately substantiated and structured to carry some real weight.

Besides knowing this, you ought to be firm about how you and more matters too. Crippling doubts and poor esteem are venues through which anyone can come in and steal from you or dump on you. This is why also, along with using shame and guilt as instruments, people seeking to disregard you will viciously attack your confidence too. And even if it’s not meant with those goals in mind, you must watch out for other jabs that, albeit small by comparison, also chip at it over time and when repeatedly allowed. “You’re being arrogant.” It is sometimes code for: “Humble yourself down so that I can do whatever I want with you or regardless of you.”

Certainly, you should strive to be lucid and not turn into another deluded person who’s more of an affliction than they are an alleviation. Somehow, despite that, under the impression that it makes them more valuable (or desperately trying to convince themselves and others of such). But if you’re sincerely doing your part genuinely for the better, then not only is it a right, but a moral obligation to stand your ground and speak up where and when it counts.

Pure and Beautiful? Nah, it gets Dirty and Ugly

"Don't think bad thoughts!" Can you, really, though? Should you even?

If you are battling conditioning and prejudices, you're bound to run into and ought to run across 'bad thoughts' in order to get to the more objective, fair, and reasonable sort. Trying to avoid bad thoughts completely will only keep you from expanding your awareness and elevating your consciousness.

And especially if you're the type of person who absorbs and juggles other people's thoughts, constantly tuning into and weighing other perspectives and opinions, you will be sifting through many thoughts that aren't necessarily your own in order to compile or arrive at a conclusion or consensus.

Furthermore, thoughts heavily depend on your current state. You may have violent and unkind thoughts that you can later recognize as irrational, out of context, and out of proportion. When you're suffocating, exacerbated, and essentially far from being at peace and level-headed. They don't define you. If you keep them in check and eventually deconstruct them, they don't turn into a serious or even concerning problem. They might give you clues, as emerging symptoms, about issues that ought to be addressed within and/or around you, and be just that.

Let's say there's some darkness that you have and hold on to, too. If that's a part of you, rather than the whole of you, is it bad enough to invalidate you as the person that you are or aspire to become? Are you not still someone worthwhile?

So give yourself some leeway. Anybody who's done enough metacognition should realize and keep in mind that this much is natural and normal.

Establish Improved Communication

Being mysterious and enigmatic is okay, but if you’re aiming to communicate the best you can…
First and foremost comes clarity. How clear is your message? Are you allowing yourself to “state the obvious” for the sake of clarity or are you more concerned with coming across as “interesting”?

As with most things, there’s a place and time for either. And in the case of communicating clearly, there are a few measures to take and sacrifices to make. Besides looking for all the ways in which you can be clear, there is being honest, then there’s also switching points of view.

Honesty plays a big role in how your communication goes, as lies often require mental gymnastics. Things don’t add up, it doesn’t make much sense, or something just doesn’t quite sit right. And this can throw people off. So not only should you be honest with others, you should also be honest with yourself. When you’re honest with yourself, words and sentences come on their own to you (might still have to look up some and reorganize them a little, though). Unless you’re a compulsive liar whose talent is to fabricate fiction on the go, or whimsical fiction is actually your goal, doing some digging and reflection to find the message you will communicate is important in your pursuit of clarity.

For clarity, there are a few things that you can do:
- Determine who, specifically, your message is for and make it evident.
- Check for the different potential interpretations your message could have and reduce the number.
- Add concrete examples or anecdotes.
- Use disclaimers for what you do not intend to mean.
- Have a lengthier, expanded version of what you’re conveying available to access and invite others to it.

Furthermore, because of triggers and other sorts of defensiveness, practice putting yourself in others’ shoes, seeing from their point of view. How do you think your message will be received? What associations would be more automatically and immediately evoked? Which connotations and/or meanings do your words have for them? Should you perhaps “decompress” a message so that it is welcome?

Sometimes it helps to announce and reassure your intentions beforehand. And if there are any limits or shortcomings to be expected, announce those too so that they will be taken into account instead of producing misunderstandings.

Lastly, you must find what works for you. How you best communicate that is true to yourself and that energizes you rather than drain you. Any activity can eventually be draining, but if one does so outstandingly, it may be a sign that you’re going out of your way too much and must have a more natural approach.