Is love, or at least care, there? There is a huge difference between being with someone who is willing to learn about you, understand you, meet you in the middle (or even a few steps further), figure out how to be there for you, and put forward what they can offer you AND being with someone who wouldn’t bother with it if they had the option. It might not be enough.
There are so many guides and pieces of advice all around, about how to make someone fall for you and/or do what you want or need them to do, that lead away from genuine bonds and connections. Do they work? Well, they do, if an empty or even fake relationship is something you’re fine with or even looking for.
However, if that’s not what you’re aiming at, you should steer clear of any tactics and strategies that ask you to behave in a desperate manner (begging, manipulating, forcing) for the illusion of ‘having’ someone with you. Relationships do take work, rarely do they smoothly and perfectly click together without any issue, not to mention trial and error, but you ought to watch where it’s coming from.
Are they drawn to you? Do they appreciate you? Would they consider you? And likewise, are you drawn to them, do you appreciate them, would you consider them? As a person, not merely as somebody to fill that role of granting you a relationship or certain benefits that come with it? Is this compelling to put in the effort?
In the best of cases, there may be misunderstandings. One or both of you may be having an off or low day. Possibly, something happened that caused a block or perhaps exhaustion. Therefore, the popularized phrase, albeit quite useful, “if they wanted to, they would,” doesn’t always apply. So you can’t always expect an eagerness to respond. Nonetheless, you often can still tell when somebody cares and, under different circumstances, would gladly show up for you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re obligated to stick around, that’s a decision to make, but the more you know...
When the willingness is there (and it is not terribly obstructed somehow), communication is easier. The undivided attention and the attentive listening aren’t things you have to repeatedly fight for. Your words don’t get frequently misconstrued for the worst. You are not ‘too needy’ for expressing what you require to be and remain close to them. You are in this together, not against each other.
Unfortunately, this is not the norm, but an ideal that you’re fortunate to find if you do. Emotional maturity and responsibility don’t come by that often. And that’s without getting into compatibility and the odds of it.
Many give up and, despite their wishes, settle for less. But if that seems unbearable to you, making being alone preferable, then keep your standards.
