Thorough Self-Improvement

Avoid at all costs to some, a way of life to others. It can indeed be intimidating, as if it is an enormous challenge that you cannot even begin to comprehend, let alone tackle and overcome. Some things could be standing in your way and/or holding you back from it.

But for those who are so familiar and accustomed to it, it is endlessly rewarding and fulfilling to engage in. It can seem like an unstoppable addiction. Not knowing yourself, not learning how to improve yourself, not taking the steps toward self-actualization… How can anyone live like that?

And then there are those who not only push themselves, but also pull and lift others with them too. People who strive to be, have, and give for the better. Often, they put an enormous amount of time, energy, and other resources into helping others get out of a tough spot and go further toward a plentiful life. (Ironic and irritating how, regardless, leeches appear and completely disregard all their work to set back and even sabotage those they were so invested in.)

That said, this lifestyle isn’t for the weak. It requires a strong spirit, a strong mind, a strong heart, and a strong body. You may not start this way, of course, but will be forced to develop as such in order to meet the many challenges within the main challenge of thoroughly improving yourself.

If making up excuses, constantly complaining, escaping from responsibilities, and always taking the easier route is your thing, you’re far from the mindset that must be adopted. You need will, optimism, commitment, and defiance. Curiosity is also important to have, so that you can continue to inspect and reveal what may be lacking, along with searching for and pondering solutions.

Many people make the mistake of fueling their drive to improve through humiliation. And while this can indeed be effective, as it can be so painful as to have you giving your all not to get there, it can come with a restlessness that isn’t advisable and could ultimately backfire. Losing sleep, having meltdowns, being actively tortured by unpleasant thoughts and feelings. That would keep you from successfully addressing blind spots and more.

Alternatively, if you see yourself as an ongoing project that you can contribute to every day, you’ll get a steady sense of progress that yields lasting results in more than just a handful of areas. You might be more wary of what gets in the way of that as well. It doesn’t mean you won’t be infuriated from time to time, but it does mean that, for the most part, it’ll be under your control - and you can be flexible enough to have ups and downs, steps forward and steps back, acknowledging the non-linearity of it.

Your circle could change. If there are people around you who do not wish to see you rise, they will resent you and possibly try to bring you down and back with them. But even if others don’t follow your pace or reach your level, they ought to, at the very least, be okay with your advancement. Ideally, though, you would surround yourself with people who inspire, motivate, encourage, and support you instead.

Then it is just a matter of keeping it up. Next thing you know, you are less burdened and more capable than you’ve ever been. 

Unfaltering Self-Acceptance

“Love yourself.” Yes, but there’s more to it. How do you go about it? Are you supposed to ignore and excuse all your faults and shortcomings or should you be interpreting this differently?

Turns out, it is hard and difficult to “love yourself” when there are things about you that you legitimately do not like and will not sincerely like no matter how much you attempt to. And that’s okay, because some of our traits do not define us. They are there temporarily and maybe they are merely situational. Something you’re meant to shed at some point. And doing so would reveal more of who you truly are or even take you closer to the best version of you.

So self-acceptance, in this case, isn’t about staying where you are exactly as you are. It is about facing yourself, coming to terms with what is in front of you right at this moment, and allowing it to exist without denial unless or until you can move past it.

When you take yourself as you are, you accept that you have a history; a past that led you to this present and a future that you have a hand in shaping. How strict or indulgent you are from there is up to you. Yet, there is quite a wide range that remains within what is reasonable and what you can fully, without any lies or delusions, embrace.

You would have to take into account your limits. How far can you go without it being of any harm or risk to yourself? Furthermore, how far can you go while still being authentically you, in touch with and connected to your core and the essence of who you are, rather than putting it on hold to fabricate a different persona? You would also have to take into account your taste. What do you genuinely prefer? What is a reflection of your own style? What are your vibes? How do you let your unique Self shine through?

Being regretful, filled with shame and guilt, about choices that you’ve made is to be expected. You will have to work through those too. Remember that it all went down as it went because that’s what it all came to. But does it have to be repeated or can (and will) you choose differently next time?

And speaking of being the total of the sum of everything... Comparisons with others are useless and bound to be counterproductive unless they’re for reference and inspiration to further achieve what suits you, not for basing your personal worth on. Getting discouraged and looking down on yourself isn’t going to help you.

Take it in chunks or in bits. See what you are keeping and what you are getting rid of. Where you currently are isn’t as important as where you’re heading. Once you set yourself on that frame, you’ll have little to no trouble handling imperfections and “imperfections”.

Cancer's Season

♋ CANCER

As we enter the season of Cancer, it is believed that the universe will be affecting us with energies that will cause us to reflect deeply and nurture ties. We will be more in tune with our emotions, and abilities to care and empathize will be enhanced. If you are receptive to them, you might be imbued with warmth and sheltering. If you are resistant to them, you might be conflicted with moodiness and emotional overwhelm. If you are completely blocked out, you might not notice them at all. And if you don't pay enough attention, you might miss opportunities for healing and closeness.

Motivational Quote: "Home is where the heart is."

For context and more of relevance, please read about The Zodiac.

Who's at Your Lowest & Who's at Your Highest?

Be careful who you assume is there for you. It is not always so obvious. And even what is ‘evident’ could be deceiving.

There’s a common misconception that who’s there at your lowest is a real, ride-or-die friend. And there’s another common misconception that who’s there at your highest is a false, fair-weather friend. And while it is often the case, it isn’t so simple and you might be in for quite the unpleasant surprise.

The friend you should be looking for, or appreciating if you’ve already found them, is the sort that accompanies you at your lowest and celebrates you at your highest. Someone who is there for you in the ups and downs. Not necessarily all through it, or too closely tagging along, but one who allows you either and lends a hand whenever possible. With genuine solidarity, whether or not they expect reciprocity.

It is not so unusual that a person is only capable of being either at one or the other. Someone who is there at your lowest, looking like your tight buddy, only to resent you and even sabotage you if you ever dare to reach and be higher. Likewise, someone who is there at your highest, looking like your hype squad, only to abandon and even deny you when things don’t go in your favor anymore.

People who want you to remain at your lowest do benefit from you being there. You might believe that you are no more than a burden under those circumstances, but that, too, works for them. For starters, you are not a threat to them. They won’t see you as competition. They are superior when they are next to you. They get to be seen as noble and charitable. And if they do help you, then you’ll owe them. Some of them specifically target those who tend to be extra grateful, knowing that what little they do will be multiplied and given back tenfold.

Alternatively, people who want you to remain at your highest benefit more visibly. And unlike the former, they don’t have to put a lot of effort into pretending to be a helper, given that you don’t need so much help. They can just shower you with flattery and applause. Do one or two things here and there to suggest that there’s more substance to them. Lie and promise that there is and will be more to it if suspected or questioned. All the while, basking in all that the proximity to your success grants them. Feigning joy for you and your well-being is easy when they’re genuinely joyful for themselves and the well-being you bring them.

Fabricating scenarios to test others isn’t okay, but you should definitely, when given the chance, pay attention to who is or isn’t there when low or high - and why. Maybe your seemingly ride-or-die friend prefers you in misery. And maybe the seemingly fair-weather friend wished they could be with you at your lowest but legitimately couldn’t (or shouldn’t).

The Vulnerability of Being Exposed

Inhibitions, inhibitions, inhibitions. They’re there for a reason - or several. Should they be kept? Or should they be let go of? That’s something to look closely into.

In a way, they guard us. Behind an inhibition is likely an area that has, in some form, been wounded before. Or perhaps, simply an area that, upon witnessing attacks to the same or similar, we assume (possibly correctly so) they’re at risk as well. More generally, it could be that we know, sense, or worry we’re around or surrendered by the kind of people who would not be so gentle with us. Maybe we grew up in an environment that made it the norm, so it is now a pervasive fear that we can hardly shut off.

There are instances in which it is completely rational to be inhibited and instances in which it is not. If we are vulnerable to being wounded, that’s enough reason to have our guards up. At least for as long as we’re thin-skinned rather than thick-skinned about a matter.

They say that callouses and scar tissue are stronger than regular skin, and there’s truth to that. However, there’s only so much that you can take without willingly becoming a human sacrifice to entertain the vices of others. So if you wish to be reserved, then be. And if you can handle being exposed, not losing much by it or even gaining in return for it, then that’s your choice to make too.

Nevertheless, it is important to know that, oftentimes, what makes us vulnerable and prone to being wounded is no more than our own beliefs and attitudes in regards to something. How you look at it. Would you be agreeing with negative and destructive feelings and thoughts or would you be disagreeing, and dismissive of them? When somebody harshly criticizes you, do you give their views and opinions weight or are they irrelevant or even mistaken as far as you're concerned? Are you accepting enough of yourself that you would instead see them as too narrow-minded and judgmental?

Regardless, it can sting, and it can indeed get under your skin (especially when done repeatedly). When that happens, you may have to go through it and draw out the poison before it spreads and is further internalized. Being patient, caring, and sincere with yourself can be your remedy. Treat it with the tenderness that the other person failed to.

"IYKYK"

Are you in or are you out? The inside jokes, the references, and the (quite unbelievable) lore that makes it possible, with its origins back in who-knows-when. If you know, you know. And if you don’t, do you REALLY want to know? Once you go down the rabbit hole, you might never be the same. It’s all fun and games until it’s not. Not for the faint of heart. Maddening, to say the least. More than a hobby, an obsession.

New Module: Egg Hunt

Last but not least, another new module has been incorporated! It’s been long overdue, but it’s finally here. I know it, you know it, we know it, they know it. Whether it’s easter or not, artists love easter eggs. Both hiding and hunting for them is certainly a thing.

So here it is! On the right side column, just between the special dates and the psyche.

They Show Up Like They're The Best

But they aren’t.

As if absolutely desperate, restlessly so, for your attention, there are people who will jump through hoops, pull insane gymnastics, and attempt to defy the rules of physics to get what they want from you. They could have asked politely, discussed a fair deal, come to an arrangement, and commit to it or back out (and try again elsewhere). But it’s as if they’ve somehow learned that, by constantly scamming and/or actively spamming others, they get their way - and that’s all that matters to them.

These are the type of people who will emulate the most outstanding and desirable traits and qualities that can be found in a person. So much that, because they are eventually found out, these turn into "red flags" to watch out for. The “too good to be true” kind. So not only do they mess with those that they target, they also ruin it for the few that are genuine and come with substance.

Consideration for your wants, your needs, or even your limits is nearly or even completely nonexistent unless it is stitching, patching, and holding up the illusion while they would still bother with it. And that’s usually what ultimately gives them away.

But how to filter them out sooner rather than later? How to figure them out early enough? They change and evolve so, if we’re trying to be precise and accurate rather than overly dismissive (or permissive), we gotta be on the lookout for how they move - whether directly, by observing and probing them, or indirectly, by studying known patterns that are likely to come up. 

If you have trouble wrapping your head around what they do, though, chances are that they're so unrelatable to you that you cannot easily make sense of them. And, albeit a pitfall, that's good news.

New Module: Beware

Yet another new module has been incorporated! It’s the heavy stuff. But oh-so-relevant nonetheless. Matters related to scamming and spamming are sprayed and scattered around on different types of content throughout the site (and will continue to be), but some issues must be addressed intensely in one place. ‘Cause no, you won’t be safe even while staying on your lane. And these can be major setbacks.

So here it is! On the left side column, just before the types of people you will encounter.

I'm One Of You, Queers

I’m here for you, buddies.

I won’t agree and roll with everything that the movement brings, but I’ve been for the cause since the early 90s. And if I’m gonna be judging anything, it’d be the same stuff I’d judge anyone and everyone for. (If you know what I mean.)

Let’s stay bold, sharp, and colorful!

New Module: Queer

And another new module has been incorporated! Just as I am out of the closet, so should this section be. Giving more visibility to my queer-related content now. I’d very much like to show my support as an ally and as one of us.

So here it is! On the left side column, just after everything else.

You Do Require The Time OFF & AWAY

There’s a twisted appeal to keeping people as tired and bored as they can be. This is not merely “hustling” or “hyperfixating”, which can be meaningful work that is stimulating and regenerative; it is literally self-destruction. This is how you lose touch with your humanity, how you stop making important questions and finding correct answers, how the pain signals and alerts shut down, how you become controllable and convenient. And your reward? Wasting your life while believing that you’re making the most of it.

But whether this programming and conditioning is intentional or not, strategically crafted to keep you obedient or simply misguided attempts to push forward, don’t abuse, neglect, and betray yourself like that. Especially if you’re the type of person whose work revolves around coming up with ideas, thinking critically, and examining your feelings, you ought to unplug. Give yourself a REAL break.

This may mean, even if only briefly:
- Turning off notifications.
- Stepping away from stressful and draining areas and devices.
- Giving yourself a change of scenery.
- Allowing yourself not to carry the world on your shoulders.
- Treating yourself to pleasures you had put off.

Even as a workaholic who dreads a lack of productivity, you could find it worthwhile when it resets you to optimal conditions to be your most productive. Both inspiration and motivation could return tenfold.

The higher the quality of your vacation, the quicker it can restore you.
Just know when enough is enough, so it propels rather than deters you.

New Module: Vacations

Another new module has been incorporated! Well, an extension to an already existing module. It’s another category within the Study Room. Because nobody can do without their due vacations. I’ll be filling it up over time like I’ve been doing with the rest.

So here it is! On the left side column, just at the end of the Study Room.

The Year Got Kickstarted For Sure

From the beginning of this year to what I define as the end of spring, I seem to have reached a closing point to give way to a clear slate. It went sort of like this:

ADVENTURES:
• Reconnecting with the person who helped me mend and grow my spine.
• Oddly and amazingly, crossed paths again with my appreciation for kickboxing and its embodiment.
• Novels I heard of long ago were suddenly brought back up and it was magical to read them again. I may despise other novels in the same genre (or forced/rushed reading in general), but these were so diehard.
• After searching the town for a new place, ended up moving to where I wouldn’t have guessed and it turned out for the better (best location for my preferences). As a bonus, the neighbors are lovely!
• Claiming the soft life with all that it implied and entailed, even beyond my own awareness.

MISADVENTURES:
• Couldn’t be the karma (or was I partly somehow? *shrugs*) to a person who terribly wronged me, but they’ve been self-destructing so… I don’t have to be anymore. I guess? It’s getting pitiful.
• Good manners? What are those these days? Can’t count on them existing. Absolutely baffling the lack of decency. I’d feel foolish but I insist that it’s a them problem. ‘Cause WTH. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!
• Stalkers can stalk… for a veeeeeeery long time. I don’t get how they’re not bored. I would be on the 5th day. I do not relate at all and can barely wrap my head around it, but glad I know more of the extent of it.
• Our black cat and the stray brown-ish cat we took in became buddies? Maybe he got pestered into it. IDK. But sure lost the cuddliness thanks to that other cat’s restlessness.
• Tech is getting craaaaaazyyy. And that’s an understatement. It’s concerning but I can’t do anything about it other than watch it all unfold. USA and China seem to be racing to cut edge and dominate, though.

It could have been worse. It could have been a seemingly endless, repetitive and tedious period of lame filler. But… getting better at swiftly escaping those at the early signs. This was a plot advancement concise enough. How did it go for you?

Would You Trade Away The Adventure?

I’m often frustrated by the twists of fate, keeping me from making steady progress, and sending me on adventures (I may or may not have signed up for) that might turn out to be misadventures. But when all is done and I can indeed get and be back on track, I do have to wonder. Would I trade that period for more of this, or was it worth it after all?

Of course, I will never excuse, let alone congratulate, anyone for any intentionally harmful mischief that threw me or others off. And I will not prolong a detrimental situation if it can be helped. However, quite often, I don’t leave empty-handed. As usual, there are lessons. Frequently, there are opportunities. And sometimes, there’s much more.

In any case, I never claimed to be an example to follow. If you know me, my M.O. pretty much consists of going off into the unknown, getting in trouble, figuring the way through, and coming out of trouble (with or without aid, with the same or new allies). I do have regrets. Yet, they’re what keep me ever changing and evolving.

New Module: Adventures & Misadventures

A new module has been incorporated! I’ve had to acknowledge that adventures & misadventures are a recurring theme in my work. At least in terms of outlook and attitude, when going through my day-to-day. And because so much comes out of them, good and bad (and “good” and “bad”), I would like to log some of it.

So here it is! On the right side column, just above the Calendar.

Pride Protects Dignity

Pride is messy to have. Gotta have it in the right amount. For the right reasons. And even then, not let it take over you.

Too much pride has undesirable consequences. It can lead to arrogance, which blinds and deludes. It can also grant you an unmerited sense of superiority over others, placing you in a position of comparison. Furthermore, it might cause an attachment to what you’re basing it on, making you overly dependent on it and desperate without it. Pride, left unchecked, can be a lousy attempt at covering up and compensating for what you are, consciously or not, ashamed of or guilty about. It may be a defense mechanism that doesn’t hold up against truth.

However, pride does have a role to serve. Although, in my opinion, there should be a different word for this. See, when what you refer to as “pride” or as being “proud of” it is simply a recognition and appreciation of a fulfilling accomplishment or valuable quality, accompanied by the awareness that it doesn’t necessarily make you infallible, it is more an earned validation that you can give yourself. And when you can rightfully validate yourself, you can go from insecure to secure in yourself. It’s not just mere ego.

If you are constantly under attack… Insulted, mocked, ridiculed, and overall humiliated, the opposing force that commonly deflects or hits back is pride. You may automatically look for whatever you may have that could show or prove your worth. And often, this is fine - when you can keep your clarity and take all as it is. Rather than have your judgment clouded.

Usually, malicious and vicious people are skilled at spotting what would cause you to crumble. Maybe by a general script, knowing that others are normally uneasy about what makes them different from most, what makes them stand out and not quite fit in. And this is the case unless they’ve done the work to be completely unbothered. But maybe it is by being specifically particular about you and your profile, noticing what could shake you up or have you shaking. It’s horrendous and merciless.

So, yes, allow yourself to see all the ways in which you, instead, deserve respect, and to be treated with dignity. Let your pride be valid points and arguments that you can make in your defense. Or that quietly dismisses any undue offense.

Summer Once More

Summer arrives once more...
Do you know what that means?
It means we can slow down.
Take one or several breaks.
Relax, enjoy, and live a little.