Unspoken Contracts

Some things are obvious and explicit, and some things are not. You could always, in good faith, ask for clarification and specifics. Yet, there’s no denying that it can leave you embarrassed or, worse, as if they’re all in a secret that you’re not.

Some things are assumed to be common sense. Or basic enough that it doesn’t have to be explained. It came with their upbringing and the upbringing of others. Somehow, though, you missed it. You skipped that class. As if you were absent one day and, the next one, you’re humiliatingly left behind. But it needs not to be this distressing. It’s just something that happens when you’re a little unusual and/or have somehow detoured. Or just didn’t walk the same path as others did.

Yes, they might be appalled. And yes, they might lose their patience. And yes, they could reprimand you for it. Not everyone can be calm and logical all the time. And failing to uphold your end of a deal, whether or not it was made evident (and repeatedly reminded of), can be unsettling to those on the other end. They might not immediately attribute it to ignorance. They might instead wonder if you’re careless or even vile. And that's a concerning possibility.

If you mean well and it was no more than ignorance (or forgetfulness), then you should be upfront about that. Then also demonstrate through corrected behavior that you now take it into account. That is, if you can agree with it being fair and reasonable, and subject yourself to it. You could also argue against such demands if they don’t sit well. Although that could go a number of ways.

Nevertheless, communication goes a long way and matters of importance should be communicated at least once so that they're brought into awareness. This isn’t to say that you are owed extensive tutoring by simply not knowing better. If you are indeed falling behind in much, you should find ways to catch up that don’t disproportionately burden others or compensate them appropriately if you do. Because, after all, it’s on you to fill those blanks - for they are your blanks.

Furthermore, you might want to get rid of stifling scripts. Perhaps you are not really expected to act in specific ways, but to learn to be yourself. Easier said than done, but still better than constantly putting up an act because it is what you believe will please others. That leaves no room for genuine connection (or spiritual growth). Show up, see how you do, and adjust from there while staying true to yourself. You might clash with some and mesh with others. But you'll be making progress if that's what you're truly in for. And that’s how it goes.