May Continues to be OFF…

Still out. But I figure I owe more information about it, to those few who are closely keeping up with me and my stuff, and now that I’m more able to form words, here they come!

• I wanted to see Michael this month, but I’ll have to move that.
• I wanted to finish adding about Wonka this month, but I’ll also have to move that.
• I wanted to keep regularly posting on Sundays, but I’ll indeed also have to move that.

I require this break. Not merely being mute or reducing interactions, but being as disconnected as I can be to return to myself and replenish myself as I ought to. I was fortunate to miraculously have something I could ‘fall back’ on that’d make this not only easier, but much more effective. However, it is still looking like I’ll be needing plenty of time. I want to say all of May, and not extend it beyond, but we’ll see.

Do I feel guilty about it? Losing the streak and whatnot. Sometimes, yes. But I did say it. That this year and many months before it have been rough. That if that one thing happened, I would have to retreat for a possibly long while - and it happened. So now I’m retreating. It is not punishment and it is not manipulation. It is simply what my psyche and the mass around it now demand.

And I’m not going to lie, it has been tempting to hate everyone and everything all of a sudden. As though part of the natural reaction that leads to pulling away and avoiding further harm. But worry not, if you deserve better, I’ll make the due distinctions as I regain my clarity. Meanwhile, I ask that you be understanding of my withdrawal of energy and such.

This means that, no, I’m not really checking messages. Not most of them, anyway. If they won’t sit there long enough, then I’ll forever miss them. I will check them once I have space to hold them again. I’m only keeping in touch with a few people during this period. I occasionally get curious and check on more, but I shouldn’t if I am to make progress with this recovery. Please don’t take it personally, especially if you KNOW I love and adore you. Just gotta do what I gotta do to get through this.

I repeat: Take care and be well!
(Besides, I believe y’all could use some time together without me being in the way!)

MAY OFF!

I'm taking May off. Won't even have Sunday posts popping up on their own. The usual will resume in June. Take care and be well!

Long Forgotten Color Palettes for Costumes

March 8th, 2014. Excerpt from a reference post. Speaking of colors... I did the post-apocalyptic cosplay (first palette) but never got to do the faerie cosplay (second palette). Or did I? Hm. 🙊

I'm afraid I don't carry that much magic anymore. But I don't believe it is a lost cause either. Probably just ought to tune in more often and for longer, with a stronger forcefield around me. Thank you, again, so much, to those who bring it back - even amidst hellscapes. I needed that.

The Artist's RPG / It's The Universe Speaking

I’ve always loved the idea that we are a way for the universe to know (and express) itself. And if that is the case, then artists might be especially suited for that. Being overqualified vessels and vias through which existence flows. As they, when genuine, are outstandingly sensitive to what is around and what is within and can expertly craft a resemblance, even if some only tune into certain aspects while others tune into certain other aspects.

Being such, I’m currently faced with a, let’s say, dilemma in The Artist’s RPG story. Personally, I would like there to be some sort of “Star Committee" guiding affairs and more, composed of legendary artists. But what if that can’t/won’t happen? And these great artists are ultimately only messengers for a blueprint? i.e., They showed what the universe is made of, so you can’t miss it, and now the pieces must be gathered and put together.

You know what I’d prefer. But I let the story carry me when writing… 😔

The Artist's RPG / Components: Prism

PRISM

RECEPTOR

HOMAGE - ADMIRATION - MAGNIFYING

Sameness won’t do. Shrinking won’t do. Why be in that state? Why expect and require it? That is not what all this was made for. There is beauty beyond your senses and even beyond your imagination. And you might catch it if you pay attention. If you can go ahead and appraise it regardless of whether or not others did so before you.

“There is more to it than meets the eye. I will make it undeniably evident.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Let there be light. And let there be colors. 

I welcome you in your entirety. With your uniqueness and peculiarities. They are precious. How bleak and bland, how dreafully insufferable, would it be without you? You are not to be tolerated. You are to be cherished. Abundantly celebrated. I see you as you are, and I am mesmerized. Look closer. Closer. Much closer. Have you noticed the miracle that you are? Wait, I will show you.

And just like that, you are unabashedly you.

Sameness won’t do. Shrinking won’t do. Why be in that state? Why expect and require it? That is not what all this was made for. There is beauty beyond your senses and even beyond your imagination. And you might catch it if you pay attention. If you can go ahead and appraise it regardless of whether or not others did so before you.

Is it appropriate? Is it trendy? It is about none of that. How about asking a different question? Is it art? 

What is contained within what many overlook or even reject? Are you bold enough to embrace it? Set the trend and make it appropriate? Can it pass through you and become more than what it previously was? You must apply your own criteria. Biases and prejudices would only be obstacles to observing true nature, to grasping what it is composed of. You must be sharp and you must be clear. Until it is so obvious it is indisputable.

Take up space.

The Artist's RPG / Components: Void

VOID

RECEPTOR

OVERENTITLEMENT - ENVY - GREED

Insatiability puts it lightly. There is no end to how much this can swallow without being satisfied. And how dare anyone say no and deprive it of what it asks? Everything exists for it. Not for another to have and own, but for it to claim and absorb. It suffers excruciatingly otherwise. How can anyone be okay without always getting more and more and more? What else is there? Nothing.

“Hunger is a weak word for how much I crave. I will devour you.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

What’s that? Nobody has complimented you before? Nobody has shown you how special you are? That’s terrible! You’re a gem! A treasure trove! There’s so much to you! I’ve got my eye on you and I cannot wait to see what else you are carrying with you. Oh, yes, bring it all on. I’ve got space for everything (and more).

Sure, those words can be tempting. After all, when was the last time you felt that valued? And you’re not off, not in that regard. Because, indeed, you are valued. Just not in the way that would benefit you, but in the way that would benefit them. The way it will have you giving and giving and giving until there’s nothing left in you to give anymore. Nothing else they’d see value in. Then you are replaceable. Something to merely discard after serving.

Insatiability puts it lightly. There is no end to how much this can swallow without being satisfied. And how dare anyone say no and deprive it of what it asks? Everything exists for it. Not for another to have and own, but for it to claim and absorb. It suffers excruciatingly otherwise. How can anyone be okay without always getting more and more and more? What else is there? Nothing.

What may seem harmless at first can quickly become devastating to all around. This vacuum doesn’t rest until it has what it came for. It will move however it has to for it. And then it will keep going. If there is any positive and constructive contribution from it, it is to show what absence looks like. Maybe its insides, too.

Sometimes, lack is real, and so deep that we are starving, so we feast if given the chance. Excessively so. But when lack governs over you, even amidst abundance, it will make extinct even that which it claims to adore.

NOTE: This is a component to use with extra caution or dismiss completely, as it operates against art when unchecked.

Pre-2020 Vibes Coming Soon to My Pinterest

I doubt I can gather them all at once, but old pictures that capture the vibe are coming soon for sure!

Although I'll keep individually recalling older posts when they come to mind or come up in a topic, I figured I would like to have a broader view of the sights I've captured throughout the years. It's great that there's still so much left to see and hold on to ahead of us. However, there's something about Pre-2020 that I'm not getting back, yet, that I can look back to! So, indeed, I'll go through the trouble of compiling them. 💟

I See What's Becoming of Everything and...

I’m still alive. I’m not switching teams. Even if I’m the last one standing here, I will stand here. I'm with humanity. The other option is much more dreadful to me. You mean to tell me I oughta abandon all rationality and, with it, virtue to join in a mass delusion and denial because a few pieces of sh*t could steamroll over others without remorse and now they want to make the world in their image and/or at their service. Nah. I literally would rather die.

That said, I know I’m not alone. I’m not so special as to be the only one who is this "stubborn". Just oughta survive this wave of nonsense and, ideally, find each other to find more strength in numbers. It is nonsense. And nonsense may spread faster (like a smelly fart), but truth ultimately has the last word, as we make sense of it all (clearing the air). Just gotta keep putting it in the forefront so it isn’t buried for too long (and we don't die from intoxication).

If you prefer to keep your sanity, even as everyone else goes insane, and not even in an artistically inclined manner, stick around those who note, breathe, and speak truth. We might not solve all your problems, but we’ll keep you from being absolutely consumed by lies. Not by telling you what to believe, but by sharing the view.

Then again, I repeat, not even I (so-called horror girlie) can withstand being constantly bombarded with awful news about everyone and everything. I’ll have days when I can tune in and days when I’d rather not. And if you find yourself stressed, overwhelmed, and debilitated, I’d suggest you do the same or similarly. Put the news away or aside when you must. Others who are more capable of handling it in greater doses will keep doing their job. And maybe you can help them be able to do their job instead of trying to do it with or for them, too. 

I’ve come to terms with whatever it will be. Not to be resigned, but to keep doing my best without sabotaging myself with worries and panic. I have plenty on the way, and knowing that puts me at ease, but the more the merrier. Use your gifts and the advantages and privileges you have, and join in contributions to fostering better conditions and circumstances for goodness to flourish.

We definitely can and should do better. Not twist and break ourselves to coddle and enable those who are incapable of leading but still wish to “lead”.

Oh. I See It Clearly Now...

I have this... thing about me. I'm not sure whether it is self-sabotage or the most brilliant and ambitious filter one could have. But I've always preferred to be understated. And simultaneously "somewhat scary". It pushes certain kinds of people out and draws certain kinds of people in. The daring visionaries. That's what I love. Yes, please, more of that. No more of the "So what do you bring to the table?" nonsense, while it's all right there.

Anyways, don't be like me, kids. Sales are awful. And my life has been an ordeal. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but yeah. Or be. I don't know. If that's you, too. May you get to where you're going without too many unnecessary detours and delays!

Wonka Day? Scratch That. Wonka Weekend!

Still going because I took a "short" nap and ended up waking up after midnight. In my defense, it was also ME day. Besides, it's freakin' Wonka! And I haven't fangirled it enough.